To leave a 16 1/2 year old alone for a week to go on holiday?

[sweetkitty]

161/2 yo DD2 is very high functioning autistic hates being social, hates leaving the house, hates the sun, hates going on holiday so a week in Spain won’t be particularly enjoyable for her. I know she will spend it either in the hotel room or under a parasol in the shade on her iPad moaning about the heat.

We have quite a few animals and the family we usually do our reciprocal animal care during our holidays are being what we see as a wee bit unreasonable this year so in order to be able to go on holiday we have 2 options

1. DH goes with 2DC in June before the school break up as it’s very cheap then and then I go with the 3 DCs beginning of July DD2 doesn’t go at all but gets to stay behind with a parent each time. Downside is DH and I don’t go together and it’s probable a wee bit more expensive
2. we leave DD2 at home by herself to look after all the pets for a week, she said she would be fine with this as long as there’s food to eat. She said she would love not having the rest of us in the house annoying her!! I feel she’s just a bit too young and would probably worry too much whilst we were away.

I could probably ask a friend to pop in on her every day (she would hate this) but no we don’t have any family that could come stay with her.

I would do it . You know your DD best . You could let a trusted friend or neighbour that she is going to be alone and could they tell her to call them if necessary.
She probably won't need to to but it can be reassuring to know she has back up .
There is always FaceTime for you to be able to chat with her each evening. Good luck and enjoy your holiday

I stayed at home on my own at a similar age. I was fine. There were neighbours I knew well should there have been a problem.

You know your daughter so I would go with your gut feel on this. If she is left obviously she would be able to call you at any time if there was a problem or she felt anxious or afraid. Personally I would feel better if a friend or relative was staying over with her even for a few of the days.

I would do it and I have done it. We left our then 16 yr old DS who has asd when we went on holiday. It wasn't a problem; we just made sure the fridge and freezer were well stocked and he knew who to ask for help if problems arose.

He hated holidays (still does!) and was very happy to be left. No wild parties and he even discovered the washing machine.
As pp says, he was away at university a couple of years later, which was more of a challenge than staying at home.
You know your DD best, OP, so go with your instinct.

[quote camperqueen54]@Grumpyosaurus is the hillock competence the same though? That is related to medical consent in under 16s?[/quote]
I have a friend who is a specialist in family law (including neglect and custody), and she told me (when we were wondering about leaving DC unsupervised) that Gillick competence was the point of reference.

@russianspy101
no I don't have any addition needs.. and i was a responsible 16 year old. If I hadn't been I'm sure my parents would have a taken different approach.

there is such a spectrum with autism and only the OP will no what her child is capable of.

I have a cousin my age who is has high functioning autism and her upbring/freedoms/experiences were pretty much identical to mine. She went on to do extensive travelling in south america at the age of 18. I think it really depends on the individual.

I have a very sensible and mature dd of the same age. I'm sure she would cope just fine but I still wouldn't leave her to go on holiday. 8 wouldn't enjoy it as I would be unable to relax!

Would gibbe it another year tbh. Certainly wouldn’t go abroad and leave her as I would want to know I could get home by driving if needed.

Why not all go somewhere i the UK this year so she can come and won’t be bothered about the heat? If you go self catering she could stay behind if she doesn’t fancy whatever you are doing. I a sure you could get a really nice property for the cost of you going abroad once or twice.

If you really must go abroad, I would say one parent go with the kids and the other stay at home with 1 or 2 Dc, then you all do something together Uk bases too.

Mine did. He was totally fine and a sensible lad. We did have a neighbour who was my friend who watched out for him though.

My other son, I had to leave alone for 5 nights when he was 15 (I was in hospital). He was fine too.

Of course you can leave her, she's over 16! Just do video calls every day, and leave emergency numbers.

I was left for a week at 16 and was fine. I had GCSE revision to do and wasn't that fussed about the holiday. However in retrospect I felt quite left out when my parents and sister came back talking about everything they'd done.

The thing that would worry me most is how she would cope if an animal in her care had an emergency. Is your vet a drive away? If the big dog took sick would she be able to get help?

Of course you can leave her for a week. She's 16 not 6.

You can absolutely leave her! We seem to be really infantilising young people here, as a PP said, she could marry, leave home, join the army etc.!

You're going to spain not space. In the unlikely event the shit hits the fan you're a phonecall and a ryanair flight away - there's really no difference between you being abroad vs just being out of down except psychologically.

if she can be trusted not to burn the house down/let strangers in/post online about being alone and knows when to call for your help (get advice on a household problem like a leaking pipe or tripped fuse etc) and when to call emergency services (fire, serious injury/illness etc) which she should be if you're leaving her home alone for any amount of time then she is fine in the circumstances you have presented

Parents really do need to stop infantalising their DC.

Parents do not infantilise your teenage and adult disabled children

I was left at that age and I would leave my teenagers, they are very independent and sensible even now, age 15 and 13. They have been left for a weekend looking after the dog recently and were fine (lots of help very nearby if required)

I'm mid 30's and I was left alone at 17 whilst parents went on holiday. Whilst I loved the idea, the reality was different and I ended up walking round the house multiple times a night holding a large knife and sleeping in the living room with the telly on as I was scared. I wouldn't.

@RantyAunty that link talks about things like not installing parental controls on the computer of a legal adult. There's a bit of a leap from that to leaving a 16 year old alone for a week.

@PermanentTemporary That one sentence is the only thing you've gleaned from the entire article.

Did you not read this part?

"allowing disabled people the right to experience ‘dignity of risk’, or allowing them to try new things and potentially fail at them or learn from their mistakes. I think that’s important. Young people of all ages should have the opportunity to learn what works and what doesn’t work for them."

or

"going out of your way to shield them from everything you think may be even slightly dangerous."

Parents who think a 16 year old or 18 old is incapable of doing a normal thing of staying at home by themselves, need to take a hard look at themselves.

A 16 year old and an 18 year old are two different things! Staying at home by yourself - for how long? With what support network?

I left ds at home by himself for a night just before he was 16. I was about an hour away. I sent him off on a course for a week on his own (to Spain as it happens) being picked up by someone else at the other end for a week (and stressed massively about it). At 16 I left him for a couple of nights without much worry, again being an hour away.

Anyone who thinks there is no difference between a couple of nights with support within easy reach and an entire week with support in another country need to take a hard look at themselves.

It's fine as long as you think she's mature enough. I have multiple friends who left home at 16 and lived completely independently.

I suppose it also depends on the type of house you live in and the surrounding neighbourhood. A large detached house in countryside far from any neighbours would be different from a semi in a small cul de sac. Possibly only psychologically speaking.

My 16 yo might say she is happy to do x and then decide against it at the last minute. Mind you, she does suffer from anxiety.

A few years ago we left her for some hours with her older sibling and while we were out she inadvertently set fire to an appliance. Luckily older sibling took charge and found someone to help. Being alone in such circumstances is not easy for a young person.

And saying you'd love to be alone for a week is no guarantee you would. I'd certainly try leaving her for just one night first before making the decision.

I left my 16 yr old DS for a week when we went away to Spain, he was fine. We loaded the fridge and left him some cash. Good introduction to independent living.
I went on my first holiday at 16 to Spain with friends.

Personally i would not leave her a week................

Absolutely fine for a responsible, non-partying 16-year-old to spend a week at home alone, especially with pets to care for. I spent a week at home on my own with our dogs at that age, and I absolutely bloody loved it.