To leave a 16 1/2 year old alone for a week to go on holiday?

[sweetkitty]

161/2 yo DD2 is very high functioning autistic hates being social, hates leaving the house, hates the sun, hates going on holiday so a week in Spain won’t be particularly enjoyable for her. I know she will spend it either in the hotel room or under a parasol in the shade on her iPad moaning about the heat.

We have quite a few animals and the family we usually do our reciprocal animal care during our holidays are being what we see as a wee bit unreasonable this year so in order to be able to go on holiday we have 2 options

1. DH goes with 2DC in June before the school break up as it’s very cheap then and then I go with the 3 DCs beginning of July DD2 doesn’t go at all but gets to stay behind with a parent each time. Downside is DH and I don’t go together and it’s probable a wee bit more expensive
2. we leave DD2 at home by herself to look after all the pets for a week, she said she would be fine with this as long as there’s food to eat. She said she would love not having the rest of us in the house annoying her!! I feel she’s just a bit too young and would probably worry too much whilst we were away.

I could probably ask a friend to pop in on her every day (she would hate this) but no we don’t have any family that could come stay with her.

My parents did this as I had a part time job I didn’t want to go to where they were going. They went for 7 days. My mum made our neighbour aware who was happy to just ‘keep an eye’ in case I needed anything and my dads good friend lived up the road who was on hand if any issues with the house. It was great, me and the dog had a fab week lol! X

My parents left me for a fortnight when I was in year 11! It was great. I’d definitely do it.

I was left alone at this age and was fine. Actually, it was brilliant, had loads of wild parties, but doesn't sound like this will be an issue with your daughter, so I'd say go for it!

No not a chance, if someone randomly knocked on the door her senses could go into overdrive.
I understand how hard it is not being able to enjoy time as a family, my DS psychiatrist advised us to push him, remove but replace, don't allow him run the family he has to be part of us with compromise that would include family holidays.
I definitely wouldn't leave a 16 year old in your situation.
If you've already suggested it to her there is no chance of her going.

My parents left me for a fortnight when I was in year 11! It was great. I’d definitely do it. Really? That's crazy parenting behaviour leaving an 11 year old for 14 days.
Do you think that is normal?

I'm autistic and I lived on my own at 16, if you don't think the holiday will be ruined by worrying then go for it

@Emerald5hamrock

My parents left me for a fortnight when I was in year 11! It was great. I’d definitely do it. Really? That's crazy parenting behaviour leaving an 11 year old for 14 days. Do you think that is normal?

Year 11 is a school year not an age - usually 15 year olds

@Emerald5hamrock

No not a chance, if someone randomly knocked on the door her senses could go into overdrive. I understand how hard it is not being able to enjoy time as a family, my DS psychiatrist advised us to push him, remove but replace, don't allow him run the family he has to be part of us with compromise that would include family holidays. I definitely wouldn't leave a 16 year old in your situation. If you've already suggested it to her there is no chance of her going.

And if her senses go into “overdrive”, what terrible thing is going to happen?

That's fine. I moved out when I was 17 and studied / worked.

It wouldn't be the leaving her on her own that would bother me, it would be the being responsible for the animals. What happens if one of them get sick? Or runs away? How would she cope if the cat brought in a dead rat (this morning's gift from my cat). Or the dog pooed on the carpet. Will she get up early to deal with them or stay in her bedroom and forget about them.

I have both a younger teen and 2 young adults and these are the things they would struggle with.

And if her senses go into “overdrive”, what terrible thing is going to happen?
She could have a meltdown or a panic attack, she could be vulnerable to people online, if one of the animals died.
I have a 13 who is on the spectrum.
It's your choice though if anything happens then you'll be 5he person who left a vulnerable DC with autism alone.

Year 11 is a school year not an age - usually 15 year olds Oh my mistake missing that.

If she's highly functioning autistic, at almost 17 y.o. she'd be more than fine to be left on his own, she'd love it. The trial run is a great idea but with plenty of food in the fridge and a working phone, she'll enjoy having the house to herself.

Having said this, only you know her. If you are having doubts thinking she's too young/can't cope, don't do it.

I would be fine with this.

Of course, it depends on the child/young adult, but people used to start work at 16. At 17, I worked abroad for 2 months over the summer holidays.

Most parents let their children go to festivals aged 16, which is infinitely riskier than a week at home. People do have weird perceptions of risk.

but the 16 year old has Autism. She may be fine until something happens in the house that she cannot respond well too or be panicked while her mum is in another country

But this happens to people with autism all the time (and to people with anxiety, and a bunch of other conditions) and they cope with it. It’s not fun, but just like NT people, people with autism need to develop their coping mechanisms.

OP has already said she’d do some trials before the holiday so if it’s a step to far they’ll know before they actually go all the way to Spain.

@Frenchfancy your young adults would struggle?!

I personally wouldn’t do it but know many who would and you know your daughter best. Personally and irrational I know (mine aren’t that age yet), I just couldn’t get over the thought of all the family holidaying something awful happen either to us on holiday leaving DD to deal with everything alone or something happen to DD and be too far away.

If she's happy with it and you consider her mature enough to cope, of course it's fine. I used to leave my 13 year old alone, she was very mature and got herself up and off to school without prompting, could lock up, unlock and not lose the keys. I didn't do it often but she hated going to stay with others and even asked to stay home alone.
She was fine and is now in her 30s, unscathed from the experience. 16 years is absolutely fine.

OP, I have the same DD. I'd consider it if there was some sort of trusted adult she could call in case of emergency, and who would come over and check in on her at pre-set times, once a day ideally, and text her morning and late evening. If there isn't one, I wouldn't do it. But if there is one, this would be a very good way for her to build confidence and independence, and while many people don't understand how important this is, I'm sure you do.

@GeorgiePorge you didn’t state whether you also have additional needs, like the child being discussed on this post?

I’d be fine with this.

We left my husband's son at 16 for a week. He didn't get on with his mother (he lived with us full time). We debated long and hard and he said he was happy, plus he would have missed a couple days of school if he had come (and he really didn't want to as we had a baby and toddler, the place was isolated and no WiFi or tv or phone signal). I'm really against taking kids out term time. So if you are ok and she is ok I don't see an issue.
By the way the boy was fine EXCEPT he had a party, which got totally out of hand. But that doesn't seem to be a risk with your daughter. I would tell a friend and give your daughter their number in case of emergencies. And don't start posting all over social media how you are on holiday but you've got a kid at home on her own...

I wouldn't. She mught think she'd be okay but when at night alone could be very anxious. Parricularly as she's not tried being alone for weekends etc before.

I'd do a holiday you can all enjoy (not hot! Maybe uk holiday where she can stay in her room if she wants and do her thing.) and build up to next year by dojng some weekends and seeing how she gets on.

Quite a few people are missing the fact she's autistic here I think.

@jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming so mum is going to spend her life never being that far away incase she has to rush back? At 16 a young adult should be learning coping strategies that doesn't involve mum rushing to mop up. Autism is not a reason to be forever tied to your soon to be adult child! Many many people are on the autistic spectrum including my own 16 year old but she's better in a crisis than my 22 year old.

My parents left me alone for a week when I was 16 to go to New York. I had exams and couldn’t go. I knew to go to the neighbours with any emergency.

If she’s sensible and knows to keep the doors locked I’m sure she’ll be fine.