Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a 16 1/2 year old alone for a week to go on holiday?

225 replies

sweetkitty · 07/01/2022 23:00

161/2 yo DD2 is very high functioning autistic hates being social, hates leaving the house, hates the sun, hates going on holiday so a week in Spain won’t be particularly enjoyable for her. I know she will spend it either in the hotel room or under a parasol in the shade on her iPad moaning about the heat.

We have quite a few animals and the family we usually do our reciprocal animal care during our holidays are being what we see as a wee bit unreasonable this year so in order to be able to go on holiday we have 2 options

  1. DH goes with 2DC in June before the school break up as it’s very cheap then and then I go with the 3 DCs beginning of July DD2 doesn’t go at all but gets to stay behind with a parent each time. Downside is DH and I don’t go together and it’s probable a wee bit more expensive
  2. we leave DD2 at home by herself to look after all the pets for a week, she said she would be fine with this as long as there’s food to eat. She said she would love not having the rest of us in the house annoying her!! I feel she’s just a bit too young and would probably worry too much whilst we were away.

I could probably ask a friend to pop in on her every day (she would hate this) but no we don’t have any family that could come stay with her.

OP posts:
LublinToDublin · 07/01/2022 23:31

Sounds sensible Smile

HikingforScenery · 07/01/2022 23:35

No I wouldn’t tbh.

I agree with doing a long weekend trial run first.

LowlandLucky · 07/01/2022 23:38

My parents left me for a week when i was 14, i was fine. For all of those saying 16 is too young, you can get married at 16, join the Forces and vote.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 07/01/2022 23:46

legally you are still responsible for her.

Picture the headline

House fire teenager with autism left at home while mum spends week away in Spain.

Just sayin..

ToManySnacks · 07/01/2022 23:49

Take her with you and leave her in the room or under a parasol and sort out another option for pets

Funkyfraz · 07/01/2022 23:51

OP clearly stated no local family....

Teacupsandtoast · 07/01/2022 23:55

I stayed at home for a week while my folks went on holiday at 16. It was great! (22 years ago so not that far in the past) Do you have someone close by who can check in with her?

Original poster
sweetkitty · 07/01/2022 23:58

That’s what she said to me “I could walk out the house and live by myself legally but you’re worried about leaving me for a week?” “16 year olds can leave home, have babies, vote (Scottish elections), join the Army etc”
I do know she wouldn’t have other people round as she’s so anti-social.

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 08/01/2022 00:00

I did it and loved it - so peaceful with family out of the way! Let her have some trial nights before you go and then trust her if she says she wants to do it

Onelifeonly · 08/01/2022 00:03

40 years ago, back in the hands-off parenting days, my parents did not leave 16 to me alone for a week (I complained about going on the family holiday as I had exams coming up - at least, that was the reason I gave). They packed me off to my grandparents. And I was sensible, often left on charge of my younger siblings from the age of 12/13. TBH I don't think I would have wanted to have been left alone anyway but I don't recall being given the choice. I think 16 is a bit young. (Young then, and considered younger now)

Xmasbaby11 · 08/01/2022 00:03

I think you know your own dd best, but since it's a few months off, you can assume she'll be even more mature and trustworthy.

My dd has ASD too though she is only 10. I can imagine her preferring to stay home and play online games etc instead of a family holiday. However, I would worry it's not good for her and would try to find a holiday she'd enjoy more, even if it's a compromise and she doesn't do everything together. It depends how much she dislikes travel really.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 08/01/2022 00:03

@sweetkitty

That’s what she said to me “I could walk out the house and live by myself legally but you’re worried about leaving me for a week?” “16 year olds can leave home, have babies, vote (Scottish elections), join the Army etc” I do know she wouldn’t have other people round as she’s so anti-social.
But it's not about her ability when things are good. It's how would she cope on her own if something happened to her?

e.g someone knows a young girl is on her own in the house and breaks in?

a house fire in the night?

she develops symptoms of Covid

she is still vulnerable due to her age and Autism

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 08/01/2022 00:10

go with your gut feeling......

I feel she’s just a bit too young and would probably worry too much whilst we were away

Holidays are replaceable. Your daughter isn't.

PenguinLove1 · 08/01/2022 00:16

Start off with one overnight. Then a weekend etc. dont jump to a week away. What happens if she panicked on the first day and wanted you home? Would she know what to do if the dog got sick?

My parents left me at that age but i had a sibling also home and family in the same town i could have called if i needed them

ChiefStockingStuffer · 08/01/2022 00:25

I would leave my oldest alone at 16, but not my second one.

You know your child better than anyone else, no?

Embracelife · 08/01/2022 00:29

Trial a night and a weekend away first. See how it goes.
Don't go from zero nights to 7.

FreeFrenchHens · 08/01/2022 00:30

My autistic child is only 13 but for us the limiters are:

  • how would he cope if there was a fire, or water started leaking through the ceiling? Could she make the right judgement calls in an emergency?
  • DS surprised both himself and us by being incredibly anxious when DH went away on business for a couple of nights. He thought he'd be fine, we thought he'd be fine, but it blew up out of nowhere. You'd need to be confident that she would feel ok, and testing is the only way. Don't just go by how she thinks she'd feel.
womanity · 08/01/2022 00:35

My parents left me for a week at 16 and whilst I was totally fine, knowing what I did that week, they really probably shouldn’t have.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/01/2022 00:38

Could she stay at home but you stay back with her for 2 days then join the others and DH leaves early ? So she is only alone for 3-4 days in the middle.

manseymoo1987 · 08/01/2022 00:45

I would leave her but only if there was a support network around her that was available in an emergency and who could pop in a few times to 'check' they were ok,

RoyalFamilyFan · 08/01/2022 00:45

I think at this age it depends so much on the individual. You are best placed to know the answer to this OP.
So would she tell anyone at school that she was alone? You wouldn't not want this to become known.
Would she ask for help if something went wrong?
What would happen if she locked herself out?
I am not asking for the answers to these questions, but how she would handle these situations would tell me if it would be okay or not.

mrsfollowill · 08/01/2022 00:45

Difficult call- I have an autistic 19 yo- never left him 'alone' overnight yet. Still happy to stay at granny's to 'look after her' and she lives round the corner. He is v geeky but very sensible. He will be fine so long as everything is normal- locks house up- switches lights off etc better than DH to be fair. Throw a curve ball in though eg someone tries to break in he would freeze I think. Me and DH have a few (3) nights away booked for 2022 - just 3 single nights and we are going to see how it goes!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/01/2022 00:47

At 16 I was living independently, at just about 17 I was a mother.'

gogohm · 08/01/2022 00:52

I wouldn't, I made dd come until 18 non negotiable, she's autistic too

Annonnimoouse42 · 08/01/2022 00:54

our son is very similar, also ASD. he has been staying home and wrangling the pets since he was 16. He knows how to contact us, how to contact our neighbour and loves it. We very specifically showed him how to lock the doors and let him practice, so he feels safe inside.
We actually speak to him more (facetime) when away than we see him when we're home.