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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL ‘can’t babysit on her own’

272 replies

GoldfingersFinger · 07/01/2022 20:53

DH has just dropped in conversation that SIL wants him to go over to hers (half an hour each way away) to help his mother babysit her two kids (4 and 18months) when she goes away with her partner for the weekend in a week or so’s time. MIL is making the journey from elsewhere to stay at theirs that weekend but apparently DIL is concerned she wouldn’t be able to manage on her own (MIL raised 4 in quick succession, isn’t old and is completely independent but she is on her own).

Apparently DIL can’t take the kids away with them because the kids wouldn’t go for a babysitter at the hotel. I wouldn’t speculate that they wouldn’t actually contemplate such an option as it would cost money.

We have two children (8 and 6 months) of our own. He would be away for at least 3 hours over their bed time and for a while before.

So what would you say if posed with such a request?

Obviously SIL didn’t ask me about this and

OP posts:
Original poster
GoldfingersFinger · 07/01/2022 20:54

Sorry - extra ‘and’ at the end there…

OP posts:
3peassuit · 07/01/2022 20:56

If I was MIL I would be annoyed that my daughter didn’t consider me competent enough to take care of my grandchildren. Does MIL know that extra help has been requested?

PainterMummy · 07/01/2022 20:57

If be asking SIL when she’ll be coming round to babysit your children.

onedayoranother · 07/01/2022 20:58

Your sil needs to stump up for an overnight babysitter if she thinks her mil can't cope. How insulting.

RedskyThisNight · 07/01/2022 20:59

Is it more a questions of providing some adult company for her (she's stuck in someone else's house for the weekend) than that she can't cope?

I wouldn't have an issue with my DH visiting his mum for 3 hours which is basically what this is.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 07/01/2022 21:00

Oh please it’s his family, let him help, hopefully your 8 year old can get them self ready for bed and go to bed…!

WorriedGiraffe · 07/01/2022 21:00

I’d say it’s fine as a one off for a weekend away, raising your own kids is different to babysitting someone else’s so if your MIL wants help for part of it it’s not an unreasonable ask.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 07/01/2022 21:01

She'd better stay home then. If he does this once then that'll be it. I presume though she's overwhelmed by two herself so is imagining everyone else would be too.

Original poster
GoldfingersFinger · 07/01/2022 21:01

I should also add that SIL doesn’t often get in contact and it would usually be a request if she does.

OP posts:
MindyStClaire · 07/01/2022 21:01

My kids are a similar age and I wouldn't want to do bedtime with someone else's by myself. Although in fairness they are more likely to behave for someone else than for me.

A weekend by herself with two that age will be a tiring slog for MIL, whatever her age, and I think it's nice of SIL to try to ease that. She hasn't gone about it in the right way though.

TragoCardboardCopper · 07/01/2022 21:02

If I was MIL I'd be pissed off that my DD didn't trust me to look after the GC properly. Your DH is likely to get it in the neck for colluding with her too, as I assume SIL will have avoided any backlash from MIL by just not mentioning DH will be turning up to babysit MIL, while she babysits....

If SIL was actually worried, why has she asked MIL at all? Surely it makes more. Sense for her to have just asked DH to do it on his own/have them at your house?

Whistleforthechoir · 07/01/2022 21:02

I agree with PPs. When's she coming to babysit your children?

Also I'd be tempted to suggest that if she doesn't trust anyone else to babysit her children, she probably shouldn't have booked an adult only weekend away Hmm.

Poor MIL, she'll be really offended

Rainbowqueeen · 07/01/2022 21:02

I’d tell DH he needs to tell his sister no and that she needs to make other arrangements as he has his own family to take care of.

It’s fine to feel MIL can’t cope, that’s entirely within her rights but she can’t expect her sibling to pick up the slack unless they are happy to do so. And DH should not be agreeing to this without discussing it with you first

BananaBlue · 07/01/2022 21:02

Its a one off (I assume), only a few hours and wouldn’t bother me at all.

Is there a reason why you might not be unable to manage your DC for a few hours?

Does DH want to do it?

ShirleyPhallus · 07/01/2022 21:02

I think there’s quite a difference between raising your own children then 20-30 years later babysitting two grandchildren so young. I don’t think my mum would be able to do a whole weekend with two under 5, despite having four children herself

Is it a big deal for your husband to go and help? As long as MIL appreciates the help and it isn’t being done behind her back then I think it’s fine

Cofifeefee · 07/01/2022 21:04

If I didn't need him for bedtime (presuming 8 year old's bedtime requires minimal input), I would have no problem in him helping his family.

Puffalicious · 07/01/2022 21:05

Ridiculous. I think your MIL knows quite enough to look after 2 little ones. If I was her I'd be livid and just refuse. If they want a child-free entire weekend have someone else do it or just go away overnight (like most folk). She's a CF.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/01/2022 21:06

I’d tell my sister not to be so ridiculous.

Classicblunder · 07/01/2022 21:07

"great - we would love to take it in turns to babysit for each other - can you do X weekend next month?"

2bazookas · 07/01/2022 21:08

I'd tell DH he needs to stay home and mind his own kids because you're going OUT .

Puffalicious · 07/01/2022 21:09

I think there’s quite a difference between raising your own children then 20-30 years later babysitting two grandchildren so young. I don’t think my mum would be able to do a whole weekend with two under 5, despite having four children herself

And why would that be? I'm sure your mum is perfectly capable. Whether she wants to is a different matter, but it's an insult to say she wouldn't be able to do it. Are you implying that her ideas are outdated? I think if you've had 4 kids you're capable of looking after anyone's kids, except if you're physically unable to. I can't stand this dismissal of the older generation.

VikingOnTheFridge · 07/01/2022 21:10

This is not a precedent I would wish to set.

ShirleyPhallus · 07/01/2022 21:13

@Puffalicious

I think there’s quite a difference between raising your own children then 20-30 years later babysitting two grandchildren so young. I don’t think my mum would be able to do a whole weekend with two under 5, despite having four children herself

And why would that be? I'm sure your mum is perfectly capable. Whether she wants to is a different matter, but it's an insult to say she wouldn't be able to do it. Are you implying that her ideas are outdated? I think if you've had 4 kids you're capable of looking after anyone's kids, except if you're physically unable to. I can't stand this dismissal of the older generation.

Confused why do you think you know my own mum better than I do?
DelphiniumBlue · 07/01/2022 21:13

I don't understand what the problem is? DH wants to help out his sister and his Mum for 3 hours. His Mum lives some distance away and maybe they all thought it would be nice for MiL to see him and spend a bit of time with him whilst helping out her daughter.
Are you saying you have a problem with this? Can you not manage your children for an evening?

MindyStClaire · 07/01/2022 21:13

@Puffalicious

I think there’s quite a difference between raising your own children then 20-30 years later babysitting two grandchildren so young. I don’t think my mum would be able to do a whole weekend with two under 5, despite having four children herself

And why would that be? I'm sure your mum is perfectly capable. Whether she wants to is a different matter, but it's an insult to say she wouldn't be able to do it. Are you implying that her ideas are outdated? I think if you've had 4 kids you're capable of looking after anyone's kids, except if you're physically unable to. I can't stand this dismissal of the older generation.

I'm 37 and wouldn't relish it. I mean, I'm sure we'd all make it out alive but I'd definitely appreciate another pair of hands doing dinner and bedtime.