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Original poster

MIL ‘can’t babysit on her own’

272 replies

GoldfingersFinger · 07/01/2022 20:53

DH has just dropped in conversation that SIL wants him to go over to hers (half an hour each way away) to help his mother babysit her two kids (4 and 18months) when she goes away with her partner for the weekend in a week or so’s time. MIL is making the journey from elsewhere to stay at theirs that weekend but apparently DIL is concerned she wouldn’t be able to manage on her own (MIL raised 4 in quick succession, isn’t old and is completely independent but she is on her own).

Apparently DIL can’t take the kids away with them because the kids wouldn’t go for a babysitter at the hotel. I wouldn’t speculate that they wouldn’t actually contemplate such an option as it would cost money.

We have two children (8 and 6 months) of our own. He would be away for at least 3 hours over their bed time and for a while before.

So what would you say if posed with such a request?

Obviously SIL didn’t ask me about this and

OP posts:
HappyGreen · 07/01/2022 21:54

So what would you say if posed with such a request?

I would say yes as I love my nieces and take any chance I can get to spend time with them.
Have a similar sibling who's only ever in touch when they need something but I'm not going to punish their children. And no my mum could not have coped with them on her own when they were small.

It's a few hours and you say he rarely sees them so what's the actual problem?

PartyPrawnRingGames · 07/01/2022 21:55

How the world has changed when people assume a young dad would be more able as a babysitter than the children's grandmother. Can't decide if it's a good change or not. Probably good.

Wreath21 · 07/01/2022 21:55

It sounds as though you think you are somehow better than your SIL and you want to meddle in something that is none of your business.
It would be in the best interests of family harmony for you to keep your beak out.

Puffalicious · 07/01/2022 21:55

ShirleyPhallus

You raise very good points. I stand corrected. I have no idea how old the MIL in OP's situation is, but with 70+ you have good points. I'm not older BTW, my youngest DC is 9, I suppose my own mum was always so capable and loved having any of her GC (all 13 of them) and would have been upset at the implication she couldn't cope. I hope to be similar.

Tbh I've recently heard quite a few younger parents be rather disparaging about their own parents/ older people and it's just annoyed me. Apologies if it felt personal.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/01/2022 21:56

And why would that be? I'm sure your mum is perfectly capable. Whether she wants to is a different matter, but it's an insult to say she wouldn't be able to do it. Are you implying that her ideas are outdated? I think if you've had 4 kids you're capable of looking after anyone's kids, except if you're physically unable to. I can't stand this dismissal of the older generation

My mum is 63 and still a childminder but she would freely admit that looking after my 3 kids 13, 8 and 11 months would be really difficult for her. The baby is quite difficult with other people. Maybe the sil baby will be too.

billy1966 · 07/01/2022 21:56

@Bluebluemoon

I think that's quite a bizarre request.

My sister, brother and I all have dc's the same age and I would never have even thought of asking one of them to come and watch my dc's when my dm was enlisted to babysit them.

Your dh has his own dc's taking up his time and energy. I think she's a CF to expect him to give up his weekend to watch hers, especially when it's completely unnecessary.

This.

I would not be entertaining this for one minute and I would be seriously unimpressed with my husband leaving his own children for a family dynamic that you describe.

Absolutely not.

YANBU.

NoNameHere12 · 07/01/2022 21:56

As she never bothers with any of you unless she needs something i wouldn’t want DH to go and help, he can help at home with his own kids, why should you do favours for someone who snubs you.

Just because there family, doesn’t mean it’s ok for them to take the piss out of you

billy1966 · 07/01/2022 21:58

@@SeasonFinale's suggestion is an excellent one as a compromise.

Sunshine1235 · 07/01/2022 21:59

It doesn’t sound like a big deal to me for your husband to do it. He’s given you notice, it’s not overnight or anything and he’s helping his family.

Whether you MIL needs the help or will be upset when she realises your SIL doesn’t think she can cope is between all of them and so I wouldn’t worry about it

saraclara · 07/01/2022 21:59

@NoNameHere12

As she never bothers with any of you unless she needs something i wouldn’t want DH to go and help, he can help at home with his own kids, why should you do favours for someone who snubs you.

Just because there family, doesn’t mean it’s ok for them to take the piss out of you

It's not a favour for his sister though. It's a favour for his mum.
77kidsandcounting · 07/01/2022 22:00

I havent read the whole thread but why does your sil need to ask you if your dh can babysit her kids? Can he not make the decision by himself?

Dinosaurwoman · 07/01/2022 22:02

It’s nice for your DH to spend some time with his mum, surely you can manage your own children for one night, remember you’ll be a MIL one day.

Lucycantdance · 07/01/2022 22:03

I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all. Its hard work looking after children especially over a weekend and especially at those young ages. I’ve only read the first post so not sure if there’s a massive drip feed about SIL but based on the first post I’d say it’s a nice thing for DH to do.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/01/2022 22:05

tho I did reach out to SIL earlier today to see how she was and she never mentioned anything.

You reached out to her? Confused

willstarttomorrow · 07/01/2022 22:05

Just because someone has raised their own children it does not mean they are actually able or willing to take on care of their grandchildren without help. I say this as someone who frequently has to approach family members to encourage them to care for children within the family because their parents cannot. They are entitled to say it is too much and ask for support from the extended family-this is what a functional family does. Remember taking a child out of the home and routine already adds complexities, most children will act differently outside home/routine.

greenlynx · 07/01/2022 22:06

Those of you who’s saying that it’s nice for OP’s husband to spend some time with his mum…well he could spend it at his own house watching his own kids while OP could go for a girly weekend away. just saying.

Walking4You · 07/01/2022 22:06

Hmm… I can imagine the MIL face if she isn’t told about it and sees his her ds arriving to help her because she couldn’t possibly cope on her own….

I couod see why MIL could find it hard but I think it’s up to her to state that and ask for help. Not for the SIL to assume she will need help and somehow impose it on MIL.

Original poster
GoldfingersFinger · 07/01/2022 22:06

@Thatsplentyjack ok speak/converse/communicate.

OP posts:
UnshakenNeedsStirring · 07/01/2022 22:07

Why cant you put your kids to bed one evening by yourself? I am assuming your H wants to help his mum

Hankunamatata · 07/01/2022 22:09

Send the 8 year old with DH and have some cuddle time with the baby

Walking4You · 07/01/2022 22:10

@saraclara if you knew that looking after two young dcs for the whole was exhausting for you and you would find putting them to bed challenging, esp when it is then followed by another full day with them,

Why, why would you say YES to such request?? Confused

I mean fine if you find it hard. But no one said that you had to do it.

AlexanderArnold · 07/01/2022 22:12

My mum raised three of her own but it's v different with your grandchildren. We actually did exactly this when my h and I had to go away - she babysit but my brother went to her to help and make sure she had a break. Sounds lovely and helpful!

Lollypop701 · 07/01/2022 22:14

You sound like you don’t want to help. Not sure why so no idea if yabu

onewednesdayindecember · 07/01/2022 22:16

I think you sound very possessive of your husband. My mum brought up two children and she couldn’t look after my son on his own when he was young. She’d get my aunt to help. Even then he injured himself because neither of them were watching him. From my experience people forget very quickly what it’s like looking after young children and it’s easy to get rusty and need a bit of help.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 07/01/2022 22:17

She probably wants a big of time with her son and this is a good excuse for her to get it, I don't think it's unreasonable and would let them get on with it.