MIL ‘can’t babysit on her own’

[GoldfingersFinger]

DH has just dropped in conversation that SIL wants him to go over to hers (half an hour each way away) to help his mother babysit her two kids (4 and 18months) when she goes away with her partner for the weekend in a week or so’s time. MIL is making the journey from elsewhere to stay at theirs that weekend but apparently DIL is concerned she wouldn’t be able to manage on her own (MIL raised 4 in quick succession, isn’t old and is completely independent but she is on her own).

Apparently DIL can’t take the kids away with them because the kids wouldn’t go for a babysitter at the hotel. I wouldn’t speculate that they wouldn’t actually contemplate such an option as it would cost money.

We have two children (8 and 6 months) of our own. He would be away for at least 3 hours over their bed time and for a while before.

So what would you say if posed with such a request?

Obviously SIL didn’t ask me about this and

Op I really don't think you're unreasonable.

And yes no wonder you're not keen on her.
Her self entitlement clearly shows through.

Set boundaries.

She's monopolising your husband's time and feels she should come above you in the pecking order.

In all my years I don't think I've heard anyone say their husband is going round to look after his sister's kids of a weekend after working a full week, whilst his BIL and sister go on the piss for a jolly.

Her children are at that age where they are a tow, especially the 18 month one, if I were her I would not even be asking the mother to do it for the weekend., let alone asking the brother to drive half an hour there and half hour back to help to put her mind at rest.
Maybe if the brother lived round the corner, but no, at such a distance.

So's shes basically sorted everybodies weekend out for them and probably knows her nice brother will not say no, she clearly is a bit of a queen bee in the family.

She should wait till her children are old enough to get themselves to bed and where it would be easier for grannie to babysit.

Tough, look after your own very small demanding children and don't expect others to give up their weekend for you, if you're that desperate then pay someone to help.

It's about respect.

If this arrangement goes to plan for her, she will do the same again, thinking everthing has run smoothly for her, not knowing her mother hated it and her brother and SIL thought she she was a cheeky cow.

Some people are just too thick skinned and do not respect other people's time at all.

She couldn't do it for you as she is the primary carer of her children and I'm sure her husband the BIL would not be expected to drive over and help if your mother was on her own with your children.

It cannot be reciprocated.

Weird your MIL is suddenly unable to cope when she’s coped perfectly well in the past. If it’s now an issue due to medical reasons, surely your MIL would just decline babysitting all together? I don’t know why your SIL has taken it upon herself to ask for help when MIL herself hasn’t requested it.

It’s ultimately up to your DH but I’d be broaching this with MIL as well to find out why she needs help despite not asking for it herself.

I think people such as yourself coping with young children assume you keep the skills to cope with young children. I have 15 year old twins - in theory I should be able to cope with children your sister's age but the thought petrifies me and I would not offer to babysit by myself. His mother is being sensible - she doesn't think she should cope so rather than risk it she has asked for help. Great opportunity for your husband to spend time with his mum/nephew/niece. You are used to your children so will be fine for a few hours or even a weekend by yourself.

She's monopolising your husband's time.

Oh give over, it's one single evening for a few hours.

Also technically DH is helping his mother out, not his sister. It's a nice thing for him to do. I really don't understand the drama, other than the OP's obvious hatred of her SIL.

My own DM regularly looks after my own children of similar ages. She is capable of doing it alone but much prefers it when DF ot DB are in the house for extra support.

@Onthedunes, it's three hours. Was it really worth that lengthy diatribe? You're talking as if the whole weekend's gone down the pan.

In all my years I don't think I've heard anyone say their husband is going round to look after his sister's kids of a weekend after working a full week

He's not going to look after his sister's kids. He's going round to give his Mum a bit of adult company and a helping hand if she needs one of the kids entertaining while she gives the other a bath or something like that.

He'd be doing something similar if he was at home, so I don't know why it's such an awful thing for him to have to manage after a full working week*

*would anyone say this in defense of a woman who'd worked a full working week? I suspect not.

This sounds very reminiscent of a friend of mine who is has the exact same moan about her SIL. I know both of them and in this case the SIL is just direct about what she wants - asks people and gets stuff. My friend is much more polite and subservient and will moan about perceived slights to others but isn't assertive when required. This sounds like I am having a go at you @GoldfingersFinger and its not intended as that. More that your SIL sounds like one of life's takers and you sound like you're letting others walk over you. Rather than crowdsourcing decide what you want and tell your husband!

@Puffalicious a 70yo is obviously not the same as her 20yo self. My kids exhaust me daily. My mum has the experience and the willing, but they are exhausting. I'm not sure why you see offense in someone saying it may be harder for an older person? I've had my mum here this week, who stays up late and works, despite being retired. She walks hours a day. Amazingly fit and healthy.
She does not want my kids for 2 days, alone!

[quote Mamamamycorona]@Puffalicious a 70yo is obviously not the same as her 20yo self. My kids exhaust me daily. My mum has the experience and the willing, but they are exhausting. I'm not sure why you see offense in someone saying it may be harder for an older person? I've had my mum here this week, who stays up late and works, despite being retired. She walks hours a day. Amazingly fit and healthy.
She does not want my kids for 2 days, alone![/quote]
I've already acknowledged that some older people may feel this way to a PP. Many others have also said their mums would feel strange being told they need help. Different strokes, that's all.

So just to be clear, you are concerned about having to do bedtimes and look after your own DCs without your DH present but also think that your MIL is being U for maybe needing some help when looking after two young DCs in someone else's house 🤔

Oh for gods sake let him go. Don't be such a spoil sport - if it's so easy for an older person I'm sure you can manage your own kids for 3 hours while he goes to help.

Won't you ever want to have MIL to come and look after your kids so that you and DH can have a night or two away alone?? Why resent your SIL for asking some help with that? Are you jealous?! Do you really think that taking the kids is the same as a few nights away the two of them?

@Puffalicious

Well, I'm obviously not the only one as your needlessly aggressive first interaction with me got deleted as well.

[quote TheNestedIf]@Puffalicious

Well, I'm obviously not the only one as your needlessly aggressive first interaction with me got deleted as well.[/quote]
Not aggressive, telling someone to be quiet for needlessly goading/ worrying the OP is neither aggressive nor needless.

Like I said, your experiences perhaps make you use inappropriate language and come across as nasty. Like I also said, therapy would help.

@Puffalicious

Quoting your first post to me "Oh, do shut up! That's aggressive. You started it. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.

Sorry. But only for derailing the OP's thread, and for not closing those quote marks.

When my grandson was 2 (and I was 60 and still working) his parents went to NY for 3 nights and I moved in to babysit. No problems but I was extremely happy for the adult company in the evenings when my husband joined me!

I'd ask MIL what she wants 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Billandben444

I agree, what a sad and selfish world we live in, where an uncle can’t help his mum out for a few hours without his wife kicking off and wanting help in return[/quote]
This

I wouldn't be fussed, it's 3 hours, a half an hour drive is nothing.

Nice for your husband to see his mother and niece/nephew.

It's sad that is an issue for you, unless your husband is never home or SIL is constantly expecting a babysitter in the form of your DH

When my grandson was 2 (and I was 60 and still working) his parents went to NY for 3 nights and I moved in to babysit. No problems but I was extremely happy for the adult company in the evenings when my husband joined me!

Precisely. I don’t think it’s a case of MIL can’t do it. Rather, she is trapped in a house for 2 days with young kids with no adult interaction. A few hours of adult company would be a godsend. Apparently this is taking the piss when it means one adult must do a bedtime me by themselves for one night.

Babysitting two kids for a weekend alone? Lonely and miserable. Babysitting two kids for the weekend with some other adult company? A lovely way to spend a weekend. Adult company makes so much difference, and it sounds like a great 'excuse' for her to spend some time with her son and for him to spend some time with his neice(s)/nephew(s)

I'm lucky that I don't have to ask. Often my DGD's auntie will invite herself over if I'm on childcare duty and she's not working.

Surely a lot of people would, if their mum is looking after their sibling's kids for a whole weekend?

[quote TheNestedIf]@Puffalicious

Quoting your first post to me "Oh, do shut up! That's aggressive. You started it. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.[/quote]
I hardly think saying " Oh do shut-up" warrants or compares to your offensive response: the worst insult I can think of is calling someone a c*#t. It says a lot about you as a person to say that to someone you don't even know. It's really offensive. It shows a real lack of class or awareness of social norms.

Suggesting to an OP that her husband is possibly having an affair when there's no evidence of that is really low. Stop projecting.

I do hope you can heal from what was clearly a very traumatic time in your life: it must have been/ be awful.