Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

[mug2018]

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

Fuck that. You need to go round with your husband when you know the wife is there and get your husband to ask why he has destroyed your property and wants to view your wife, that it is now at the stage where the stalking will be reported to the police sadly and the criminal damage to do so.

@Notonthestairs

I don't think it's a camera below the light. I think it's a motion detector. We have similar lights along our side return to deter burglars.

Agree. Definitely a motion sensor

@Snufkin2

What about going round and saying something like "I know you keep a bit of an eye on my garden when I'm not there and I wondered if you'd seen anyone suspicious over Christmas. My new tree's been vandalised and I'm thinking about letting the police know?"

^ this He is not allowed to touch the top of your tree.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

As this is in the USA I can't be sure what to do.

I don’t think OP says where she is does she?

Pretty sure that’s just a motion sensor under the light, not a camera. He has no right to chop your tree back on your side of the fence. I’d be having strong words with him about that. I think you would be better planting one a bit further into your garden though and not so close to the fence, as that will very quickly grow out to overhang his garden, then he will be entitled to cut it back as far as your fence, and it will likely end up looking very lopsided.

@Hemingwayscatz

It’s not very feminist but I’d consider getting your husband (if you have one) to do the footwork on this one.

She literally points out the fact she’s a recently divorced single Mum in the first sentence.

OP, your neighbour is a total creep. You need to install some cameras and keep a log of his strange behaviour. I wouldn’t be so friendly towards him in future and certainly never allow him in your home again. I’d ask him not to trim your tree again because it’s illegal and you’ll contact the police if he does.

She also says she has a partner...

Are you sure it wasn't blocking the sunlight into his garden that's why he cut it?

Still not a legal reason for him to cut it.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

As this is in the USA I can't be sure what to do.

Eh?

daimbarsatemydogsbone
As this is in the USA I can't be sure what to do

How do you know that? Where does OP say she is in the US?

OP, definitely confront him and let him and his wife know that you are not happy with this.

@mug2018 IMO you are minimising how much this person is overstepping normal boundaries.

Do you have any friend in RL who could help you deal with this?

Him cutting your tree in your garden is against the law. If you don't want to talk to him, talk to his wife. She'll sort him out (I hope).

Or send him a solicitors letter asking him to stop hassling you.

I would (& did) go bat shit when mine (not pervy just entitled) did this just after we moved in. Get boundaries firmly established. Cf!

sorry cant read the whole thread - wouldnt you be better with an evergreen tree that doesnt drop leaves in winter? that way you will be screened all year. or the bamboo suggestion - though that can get pretty invasive.

I would be knocking on their door and wanting clarification rather quickly. I would not wait, as it will get forgotten about.

OP- you say the key has been returned now cat feeding is no longer required. I strongly advise you to get all your locks changed.

I encountered someone like this. Very charming and helpful, nothing too much bother, but overstepping personal space boundaries to a degree which made me a bit twitchy. Kept him at arms length. Later found out he is a convicted sex offender (online offences). Be VERY careful. Do not let him in your house again. Listen to your instincts.

@TheBeesKnee

Check your entire house for hidden cameras and any missing undies. Change your locks in case he has made copies.

I feel very disturbed by your post and I don't understand why you're not more uncomfortable with this peeping Tom steamrolling over your boundaries.

If he's an older man you might have to send DH round to talk to him about the tree and not making gardening decisions for you.

Agree. I would also send DH round and tell him he must stop disturbing you and making comments when you are in garden- Its harrassment

Ffs stop telling her to send her non existent DH round.

Tulips21 "I would also send DH round and tell him he must stop disturbing you and making comments when you are in garden-
Its harassment"

The OP's first sentence says she's a recently divorced single mum.

@HippeePrincess thank you 😊

I don't have a DH (🥳 divorce is a wonderful thing) and I can absolutely handle my own battles

OP, I think you have been unbelievably passive about this awful man.

The tree is a police matter.
The fact that he has done this so he can watch you and your daughter is not on.

I wouldn't give a damn about neighbourly relations living next to this creep.

I would report him and let him have the mortification of a squad car outside his home and his wife fully informed of your views.

What a pig.

@HippeePrincess

Ffs stop telling her to send her non existent DH round.

My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off

Ok not DH but she does have a partner.

I don't know why she said she was single when she has a partner though.

Report him to the police for harassment.
Tell him in front of his wife if he keeps stalking you you will press charges.
You are taking this far too lightly.

@rrhuth I think you are right - I have minimized this (I stupidly) try to see the good in people & sometimes am blinkered to the reality
Yes I have RL people who can help me.
My brother is popping round shortly to fix my back security light .. I'll also see if he can attach a camera that scans up to my fence (not into their garden)

I’d go to the police actually. It’s stalkerish behaviour bordering on harassment.

He’s not “nice” if he spies on you sunbathing! Send your partner round to tell him you don’t appreciate him cutting the tree to spy on you, or watching you sunbathe. Inform him if he does it again you’ll be contacting the police.

This behaviour from men under the guise of “concern” is not acceptable. You have a right to privacy and not to be spied on.