Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

[mug2018]

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

@SparklyLeprechaun

You allow this peeping tom in your house to feed your cat? You do realise he's looked through all your drawers by now, right?

⬆️ 100%

I believe you let him in your house, it's almost....unbelievable

I would put a washing line the length of the garden and attach sheets to it and hoist it up.
Nosy fucker

"For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while"

And you carried on being nice & gave them a key to your house?

They may do nice things like feed your cats but being neighbourly and being a peeping tom are not mutually exclusive.

SHE may do nice things, but as far as HE is concerned, he isn't agreeing to feed your cats to be kind but as his way of gaining access to your house. I agree with PP: he will have gone through all of your drawers, cupboards and bins - maybe any computers or devices without passwords on them - and quite possibly installed tiny cameras to spy on you. He's already demonstrated that he has no boundaries and has a very unhealthy interest in you and your life.

If I were you, I'd be tempted to instal some cameras of your own overlooking the house and garden. If he's so brazen when he knows you are looking, you might find some very disturbing footage of times when he thinks you aren't. This would also give you evidence and ammunition to either go to the police or strongly threaten to do so if he doesn't stop immediately.

Nothing amusing about this, it's criminal damage. He sounds like a creepy git, and if they have your keys I'd get them back pronto (but he might have copies). If you're not willing to call the police, which might give him a fright at least, I'd stop all the cat feeding etc and keep your distance from them. This is not good neighbourly behaviour.

Totally shuddering at the idea of this oddball having keys to your house and permission to enter when you’re away. No, no, no.

I’d definite be changing the locks and looking for cameras.

I like the idea a PP had about the tree - go round and ask him and his wife is she saw anyone vandalising your tree and mention police.

Urgh he is a perv. I echo the others who suggest talking to him in front of his wife. I would change the locks and not give them a key and I would get a camera that covers your back garden so you can check wtf he's doing when you're not there. I would also check my house for hidden cameras. If you find them, don't touch, I'd be calling the police.

@TheBeesKnee

Check your entire house for hidden cameras and any missing undies. Change your locks in case he has made copies.

I feel very disturbed by your post and I don't understand why you're not more uncomfortable with this peeping Tom steamrolling over your boundaries.

If he's an older man you might have to send DH round to talk to him about the tree and not making gardening decisions for you.

Exactly this.

Ask him in front of his wife if he saw who damaged you tree as you need to report the criminal damage to the police as you need to for your insurance claim, then watch him squirm!

Is this actually for real? 🤔🤨🧐

I feel very disturbed by your post and I don't understand why you're not more uncomfortable with this peeping Tom steamrolling over your boundaries.

This. It's really worrying.

If you have kids please take this even more seriously.

A5 paper in every window
Buggar off you pervert..

Just saw elsewhere that you've a teenage daughter. Please don't let this man back into your home.

@TragoCardboardCopper

If it's your tree, in your garden, and what he's cut wasn't overhanging the boundary then it's criminal damage. He sounds like he's had 1001 chances to behave more acceptably and keeps pushing your boundaries. He knows what he's doing.

I'd go round, when you know his wife is there and say very firmly (not angrily/shouting) in front of his wife, that the tree is not his, he had no right to cut it, you are growing it specifically to stop him from staring at you in your private garden as asking him to stop has had no effect. What he's done is criminal damage and if he vandalises any more of your property in the future then you will be calling the police.
Then ask for the key back as you are not comfortable with him being able to enter your home.
Then change your locks because he probably has made a copy.

He sounds a complete creep.

This^^

At the very least he’s a creep and the wife is in denial/enabling. Change the locks, check for cameras.

My sister witnessed similar with neighbours opposite. The man targeted pretty young wife one side, but quickly overstepped the mark and the families never spoke again. Turned his attentions to another new young family, but that wife was a feisty piece who led him on and got loads of gardening and diy done for nowt!!

We were there one summer’s day and could hear them talking outside. Feisty wife was telling him about her holiday, she’d done loads of swimming, he was asking about her bikini and WE COULD HEAR HIM DROOLING!! Kept the neighbours amused for years. He made a right tit of himself.

I must say you are being very good natured about someone basically spying on you in a really creepy way.

I share your frustration. Our neighbour pruned all the lead branches of a sapling cherry tree in our garden. It’s never got above 5ft. It’s totally ruined. We knew it was them as we are land locked and the only access to our garden is from their side. We didn't notice it straight away so no cctv footage (self deletes after a month). We soon put a padlock on our gate (they don’t have access rights over our property or garden) and the neighbour kept asking why? (Since learnt she likes pushing buttons and enjoys the aftermath. A most vindictive and nasty neighbour) I was too nervous to take her to task about it. If I was you I establish firm boundaries without out and out alienating yourself. Good luck!

www.howtogeek.com/411095/how-to-detect-hidden-surveillance-cameras-with-your-phone/

There's quite a few websites showing ways to check for hidden cameras OP. Here's one.

You can't let the tree cutting thing go. If you don't say anything he'll just keep bloody trimming it!

Change your locks, ask another neighbour to feed the cats in future, and get the canopy put up asap. He sounds controlling, be prepared for him to become unpleasant when you distance yourself.

Thank you for your replies.
The cat thankfully (albeit it very sad) is now dead so he no longer needs to come into my house.
I have a camera at the front and when he did come in, he always came with his wife and they were only in a couple of moments so I'm confident that he's not a draw snooper 😆. I have the key back now the cats gone.
The tree is fairly small so no overhanging branches & it will take time to grow to fully obscure his upstairs window (although it'll take longer now) his snooping window is the one nearest my house.
The canopy will definitely block his view
I will definitely approach the tree cutting when I next see him - hopefully when his wife is also with him.
He even commented that I 'hadn't used my hot tub much' when I was putting it away 😳. Thankfully this was hidden from his view by a temporary canopy & I had used it a lot so at least he's missed that.
😩 had he got nothing better to do 🤦‍♀️
Thank you for your advice

Grow black bamboo against the dividing fence between both gardens. They grow tall and fast very quickly so make ideal privacy screens. It's best to grow them in pots to control growth as they tend to take over if you're not careful.

www.best4hedging.co.uk/black-bamboo-p72

Definitely ask him when is wife there

@Bluntness100

What kind of tree is it? Some of them when topped won’t grow again, I’m sorry.

Yes I can confirm this is true. Our tree is ruined. In my case the neighbours can’t claim they only chopped the overhang either as it’s a good 10ft from any boundary. They did it to prevent or reduce any petal or leaves going on their side. They pick up every little thing of their patio and garden. We’ve even seen them deliberating blasting water under our gate when they clean their patio into our garden for minutes at a time. They know we have cctv of this and have ceased harassing us at the moment.

Looking at your photo - i think he's probably scored a bit of an own goal there.

It looks to me as it loping the lead branch off will not affect the height and will in fact bush out quite a bit.

That’s what my tree looks like @mug2018 … they’ve taken the lead branches off!