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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

256 replies

mug2018 · 07/01/2022 08:56

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
mug2018 · 07/01/2022 12:16

@Notonthestairs .. you're right, it is a motion sensor
Phew

OP posts:
Original poster
mug2018 · 07/01/2022 12:16

@daimbarsatemydogsbone I'm in the UK

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 07/01/2022 12:17

Op, I have only just read your comments so apologies if someone has suggested this.

I have security lights and they have a sensor underneath the light. That doesn’t look like a camera to me but hopefully someone more knowledgeable can confirm.

stealthninjamum · 07/01/2022 12:18

Cross post!

Original poster
mug2018 · 07/01/2022 12:20

@Loudestcat14 - he's about 58 (retired with nothing to do )
I'm 52 and have seen better days, so it's mind boggling that he would want to perv at me but you are right and it's very unsettling
I shouldn't be worrying about sitting out in my back garden.
My 14yo DD won't sit out unless the shelter is up masking his view

OP posts:
AllotmentTime · 07/01/2022 12:20

had he got nothing better to do

No. This is what he wants to do. He’s not watching television or watching the birds or watching the clouds or people going by. He’s a creepy fucker whose hobby is watching you.

Sorry OP SadFlowers

HippeePrincess · 07/01/2022 12:20

You can be a single/lone parent and have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend that doesn’t with you.

Nowhere does op say the partner is a man.

Regardless, stop advocating for women to ask men to take care of a woman’s business, women are capable you’re just feeding into the weaker sex bullshit stereotype.

The OP does not need a man to fix this!!!!!!

HippeePrincess · 07/01/2022 12:24

And yes this neighbour id bet is some kinda perv/peado and I’d be taking a direct route with him and possibly the police as this is criminal damage at best. I’d also want to see if I could find out from those laws where you can get disclosures about certain criminal histories although I’m not sure you’d fit the criteria but I’d bear in mind you may be living very close to someone with an unsavoury character/mind.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2022 12:24

@HippeePrincess

Ffs stop telling her to send her non existent DH round.
Partner... she does mention one.
Nanny0gg · 07/01/2022 12:25

@HippeePrincess

You can be a single/lone parent and have a partner/boyfriend/girlfriend that doesn’t with you.

Nowhere does op say the partner is a man.

Regardless, stop advocating for women to ask men to take care of a woman’s business, women are capable you’re just feeding into the weaker sex bullshit stereotype.

The OP does not need a man to fix this!!!!!!

She doesn't. But sad to say that some men will only take immediate notice of another man.

No one is suggesting that she's a wilting little flower - she clearly isn't. But the quickest solution might be the best.

HippeePrincess · 07/01/2022 12:27

Do you think that a man would ever be advised to send their wife round?

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 07/01/2022 12:27

[quote mug2018]@daimbarsatemydogsbone I'm in the UK [/quote]
Oh , apologies - I assumed since you were using the US spelling of Neighbour you must be there.

HippeePrincess · 07/01/2022 12:28

Perhaps when we stop sending men round and all being a bit more damned assertive then men would listen eh?

Cavagirl · 07/01/2022 12:30

@AllotmentTime

had he got nothing better to do

No. This is what he wants to do. He’s not watching television or watching the birds or watching the clouds or people going by. He’s a creepy fucker whose hobby is watching you.

Sorry OP SadFlowers

100% this. Part of your minimising is "he's retired and bored argh haha 😂🙈😬" but, kindly, that's because that's what you want to think, because it's easier than confronting the reality which is - he's a creepy fucker, overstepping boundaries, and causing criminal damage to your property so he can spy on you in your garden Please read that again. And then again. He - and his wife - need the shits put up them and you need to take back control of your house and land! No more politeness and niceties OP.
HippeePrincess · 07/01/2022 12:31

And OP I would take this bull by the horns, go around and confront them.
Hopefully you’ll do better than I would which would probably come out like “what the fuck did you think you were doing when you came on to my land without express permission and committed criminal damage to my property?”

CustardySergeant · 07/01/2022 12:34

OP, are you completely OK about the fact that this man you describe as "unbelievably nosy" has had a key to your house in his possession? I certainly wouldn't be.

Seeline · 07/01/2022 12:37

I'd be more concerned about my 14yo DD to be honest. No offence OP, but he is far more likely to be perving at her.

BettyfromBristol · 07/01/2022 12:42

Beware of small holes drilled into the tree, possibly with something injected. My aunt had a shrub killed that way by a nosy neighbour as it was blocking their view.

MsTSwift · 07/01/2022 12:44

What is it about a certain type of man of a certain age and a power saw 🙄. Fil used to offer to “garden” which basically means getting his power saw out and decimating our garden leaving us with all the greenery to dispose of - not boring old on your knees weeding gardening.

FabriqueBelgique · 07/01/2022 12:44

Knock on the door when both are home, directly ask why your tree has been cut and set some boundaries in front of his wife.

RocketFire7 · 07/01/2022 12:49

This is a tough one. Obviously it’s not ideal having your tree trimmed, but perhaps he thought he was just lending a hand.

There are also some neighbourhoods which really like to encourage getting to know each other- I can see how a high tree or fence would be out of place with this ambience.

Personally I’d suck it up in the interests of supporting the neighbourhood culture and developing good neighbourly relations.

BlokeHereInPeace · 07/01/2022 12:50

Section 1(1) Criminal Damage Act (CDA) 1971 - A person who without lawful excuse destroys or damages any property belonging to another, intending to destroy or damage any such property, or being reckless as to whether any such property would be destroyed or damaged, shall be guilty of an offence.

This offence is triable either way – para. 29, Schedule 1 Magistrates’ Court Act 1980 (MCA 1980).The maximum penalty is 10 years imprisonment - Section 4 CDA 1971.

Laiste · 07/01/2022 12:56

@Seeline

I'd be more concerned about my 14yo DD to be honest. No offence OP, but he is far more likely to be perving at her.
There's probably truth in this. But i imagine he gets off on spying on both of them. It's a power thing. I can see you - and you don't know i'm watching.

I'm wondering about the wife. At the start i felt a bit sorry for her. Now i'm thinking - she either facilitates his spying, turns a blind eye or doesn't know. In all 3 cases she deserves or needs to be there when the shit hits the fan.

Laiste · 07/01/2022 12:58

@RocketFire7

This is a tough one. Obviously it’s not ideal having your tree trimmed, but perhaps he thought he was just lending a hand.

There are also some neighbourhoods which really like to encourage getting to know each other- I can see how a high tree or fence would be out of place with this ambience.

Personally I’d suck it up in the interests of supporting the neighbourhood culture and developing good neighbourly relations.

What?

Is this the neighbours wife?!

BoodleBug51 · 07/01/2022 13:02

I'd change your locks.

If he's had a key, he's probably made a copy.

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