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AIBU?

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Original poster

Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

256 replies

mug2018 · 07/01/2022 08:56

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

OP posts:
Chilver · 07/01/2022 08:59

Is the tree in your garden? He can't trim a tree in your garden, only trim overhanging branches from your tree across the boundary line!! If he has trimmed the top, I would be going round telling him he needed to buy me a new - taller - tree seeing as he wilfully damaged your one!!!

Chloemol · 07/01/2022 09:02

I would simply ask why he has cut your tree. Then tell them it’s growing so you don’t want it cut in the future, and they don’t have your permission but can only cut anything that hangs into their garden back to the fence line they wish

The other thing you could consider is putting a trellis on top of the fence and growing clematis, or honeysuckle or some other plant on it, that would raise the fence height

IncompleteSenten · 07/01/2022 09:02

Change your locks and get someone else to feed the cat.
He sounds like the sort of creep who'd put a bloody camera in your bathroom.

You need to be very blunt.
I like my privacy and don't appreciate being watched.

purpleme12 · 07/01/2022 09:02

Get a camera so you've got proof

Palmfrond · 07/01/2022 09:02

Unfortunately sometimes you need to be a bit bridge burney with neighbours, but in the case of this peeping tom, maybe not so unfortunate.
And in my experience cloying consideration can turn to bitter spite very easily indeed.
Good luck!

Yummayumma · 07/01/2022 09:03

Just ask him directly why he trimmed the tree. Then ask him not to as you're growing it for privacy.

Snufkin2 · 07/01/2022 09:04

What about going round and saying something like "I know you keep a bit of an eye on my garden when I'm not there and I wondered if you'd seen anyone suspicious over Christmas. My new tree's been vandalised and I'm thinking about letting the police know?"

BooksAndGin · 07/01/2022 09:05

Are you sure it wasn't blocking the sunlight into his garden that's why he cut it?

YANBU though, if he continues to give creepy comments about you whilst in your garden I would go to his wife and tell her if it doesn't stop you'll need to look at reporting him for harassment/stalking behaviour.

Threewheeler1 · 07/01/2022 09:06

Hmm, he sounds like a wrongun.
He had no right to cut the tree on your side of the fence.
Can you plant something further away from the fence that will obscure his view, well away from his tree loppers?
Feel for you OP, sounds uncomfortable. We've had to plant out quite heavily as we have a pair of gawping neighbours. Nice people, but they like to watch everything and used to be able to see our entire garden.
Would you have more luck talking to his wife?

SparklyLeprechaun · 07/01/2022 09:06

You allow this peeping tom in your house to feed your cat? You do realise he's looked through all your drawers by now, right?

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 07/01/2022 09:07

Send a letter stating he isn't authorised to trim the tree on your side of the fence and you are angry he has reduced your privacy so do not ever do it again. Then install 2ft privacy trellis on that side and grow plants on it.

Do not continue to allow little messages or help with the cat etc, block his number and keep to yourself.

Purplewithred · 07/01/2022 09:10

“Can I ask, why did you cut my tree?”

…Whatever he says…
“Well it is my tree in my garden, obviously you can cut anything that’s overhanging on your side, but please don’t cut my tree again, or anything else that’s in my garden”
No conversation, grey rock.

Although @Snufkin2 has a very good alternative…

Level75 · 07/01/2022 09:14

You're being remarkably generous towards him. They may do nice things like feed your cats but being neighbourly and being a peeping tom are not mutually exclusive. You've got a right to be pissed off about your tree. I'd strongly complain and also tell them why you felt the need to put it up. It could embarrass him into better behaviour.

Snowiscold · 07/01/2022 09:14

You are not allowed to put trellis on top of a fence to increase the height if the height is already at maximum permitted height, which is about six foot - I’m not sure what the legal height actually is. That breaks all sorts of regulations. A plant or tree or hedge has to be self-supporting to be allowed to grow over that height. But the neighbour chopping the top off your tree is outrageous and also breaks all sorts of regulations.

TheBeesKnee · 07/01/2022 09:16

Check your entire house for hidden cameras and any missing undies. Change your locks in case he has made copies.

I feel very disturbed by your post and I don't understand why you're not more uncomfortable with this peeping Tom steamrolling over your boundaries.

If he's an older man you might have to send DH round to talk to him about the tree and not making gardening decisions for you.

Clymene · 07/01/2022 09:17

He's not nosy, he's a perve. I would absolutely not let him into your house again to feed the cat. And I'd check for cameras.

I'd go round and pretend you don't know who cut your tree as @Snufkin2 suggests but make sure his wife is also there because he's probably spun her some line too.

PAFMO · 07/01/2022 09:19

How can you be saying he's lovely and you let him in to feed the cats and he's a perve at the same time?

longtompot · 07/01/2022 09:19

It doesn't matter if he says he did it because it was blocking the sunlight into his garden. The tree is in your garden and he has no right to touch it, apart from any branches that overhang into his garden.
I too would be worried about how much he keeps an eye on you, especially with his access to your house to feed the cats.
As you get on with them so well I would just ask if he did cut the top off and why and decide how to proceed from his answer.

Cocomarine · 07/01/2022 09:21

I try to find a moment in front of his wife to ask him why he cut your tree. Then whatever lame “helpful” lie he tells you, say, “I see - well, I wish you had asked. I’m growing it for privacy - please don’t cut it again.”
Then get the canopy up.
Then stop getting them to feed your cats.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2022 09:25

What kind of tree is it? Some of them when topped won’t grow again, I’m sorry.

meteoric · 07/01/2022 09:27

You gave him keys to your house?!

EmmaH2022 · 07/01/2022 09:27

@Clymene

He's not nosy, he's a perve. I would absolutely not let him into your house again to feed the cat. And I'd check for cameras.

I'd go round and pretend you don't know who cut your tree as @Snufkin2 suggests but make sure his wife is also there because he's probably spun her some line too.

This.
TragoCardboardCopper · 07/01/2022 09:28

If it's your tree, in your garden, and what he's cut wasn't overhanging the boundary then it's criminal damage. He sounds like he's had 1001 chances to behave more acceptably and keeps pushing your boundaries. He knows what he's doing.

I'd go round, when you know his wife is there and say very firmly (not angrily/shouting) in front of his wife, that the tree is not his, he had no right to cut it, you are growing it specifically to stop him from staring at you in your private garden as asking him to stop has had no effect. What he's done is criminal damage and if he vandalises any more of your property in the future then you will be calling the police.
Then ask for the key back as you are not comfortable with him being able to enter your home.
Then change your locks because he probably has made a copy.

He sounds a complete creep.

StationaryMagpie · 07/01/2022 09:29

unless any of it is overhanging onto his garden, he's not allowed to touch it, and he actually just broke the law.. criminal damage/vandalism.

I'd be having a VERY stern word with him and making it clear, in front of his wife, that if he touches your tree again, you will report it to the police.

Winniemarysarah · 07/01/2022 09:31

I can’t believe you’re letting him get away with this! I’d be coming down heavy handed and presenting him with a bill for a replacement tree/hedge, with threats of the police if he carries on blatantly perving at you. And stop asking them for favours and letting him into your house ffs!!

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