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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Snooping neighbor has cut the top off my tree so he can get a better view into my garden. How should I approach this with him

256 replies

mug2018 · 07/01/2022 08:56

I'll start off by saying that I live in a really lovely close, where my neighbors are in red supportive & kind (I'm a recently divorced single mum)
My Nextdoor neighbors are generally really kind. Pop round to feed the cat when I'm away, put my bins out, help me with jobs I'm stuck with etc. However, Mr Neighbors is so unbelievably nosy. For example, when I was sunbathing on my trampoline he text me to check I was ok as he had 'noticed' I'd been asleep for a while 😳
He regularly comments on what I've been doing when I've been in my garden 😣
On a number of occasions I've directly told him to stop nosing into my garden, and also in front of his wife (she told him off too) (he looks out of their upstairs, spare room window)
I have a tree that I'm growing to try to mask his view. I was away for a few days over Christmas and having come home, I see it's been cut to the level of the top of the 6ft fence. It's not s massive tree but it will help when (if it ever is allowed) to grow.
I'm amused but equally fuming.
My partner is going to build a canopy over my patio in the spring that will mask his view, but for gods sack ... this has now pissed me off.
How would you approach this. They are generally really nice and kind people, but this is just a step over the mark 😩

OP posts:
prettybird · 07/01/2022 10:09

What sort of tree is it? If it's a Cherry he could have done irreparable damage to it by pruning in winter (allows silver fungus disease to take hold).

I'd be livid Angry. I wouldn't leave it until I "next see him" - I'd be round hammering knocking on the door, when I knew the wife was in, to say that this is inexcusable.

And if it is a cherry, I'd be saying that they'd need to buy a replacement tree of a similar size and paying to have it planted. It won't be cheap.

3scape · 07/01/2022 10:11

I'd be so mad if someone had accessed my property and damaged my tree!

Build the canopy and tell the wife that you're doing it because her husband is making you feel uncomfortable in your own garden. Don't sugar coat this. He's a creep. Definitely don't give them access to your property.

MumMRM · 07/01/2022 10:12

As he had chopped off the top branches it may not grow any taller!

TheRealHousewife · 07/01/2022 10:12

@Sloth66

Change your locks, ask another neighbour to feed the cats in future, and get the canopy put up asap. He sounds controlling, be prepared for him to become unpleasant when you distance yourself.
Yup … @Sloth66 this is what we have found too. To the point we are actively looking to move. We have the worst neighbours we’ve ever had in over 40 years. Ours are manipulative to boot and can present as charm personified to others. We are their only direct neighbour. In our case it’s definitely a power and control issue mixed in with some deviant personality traits.
Laiste · 07/01/2022 10:17

I think that tree looks like it will replace it's lead branch with 2 or 3 new ones.

I have an Ash tree which i would like to keep shortish (6ft) but cutting the lead branch off every couple of years just results in it 'choosing' a different one to be lead.
Fingers crossed anyway!

StaplesCorner · 07/01/2022 10:18

Are you scared of him OP? Can someone go with you to talk to them? Why would you let someone vandalise your tree and then just wait till you bump into them?!

Quackpot · 07/01/2022 10:18

Check your house for tiny hidden cameras in smoke alarms, lights or mirrors etc. Theres a way to do it, I remember reading about an air BnB owner who had cameras hidden and someone found them, something to do with shining a light in, but I don't remember the source. Have a Google. And change your locks and don't let him back in your house. He sounds like an utter creep and I'd not be surprised if he's a sex offender who just hasn't been caught yet.

Earwigworries · 07/01/2022 10:18

They’ve taken off the lead branches but looking at his spying window and the remaining branches I’m not sure he’s actually stopped you blocking his view over time !

TheRealHousewife · 07/01/2022 10:18

Our same neighbour also waited until we’d gone away and they trespassed on our property to put a cctv camera on our side that took in about 80% of our garden and less than 10% of theirs due to position of outbuildings etc. In that instance I was fuming as it was a total invasion of our property and personal space. They moved it but it’s still slightly over hanging. Neighbours from hell doesn’t cover it.

mug2018 · 07/01/2022 10:20

It's a pear tree so hopefully it will help bush it out & not kill it.

I'm definitely wary of him so I'll be very straight talking when I see him.

OP posts:
FudgeOff · 07/01/2022 10:23

@Laiste

Looking at your photo - i think he's probably scored a bit of an own goal there.

It looks to me as it loping the lead branch off will not affect the height and will in fact bush out quite a bit.

I was coming to say the same thing.

Come spring it's going to put on lots of nice, bushy growth. You'll get the height back relatively quickly but this time there will be more branches so it will shield you better.

I still think he's been a cheeky F, though. And needs firmly telling not to cut your tree again.

Oh, and I'd plant more trees myself Grin

Random789 · 07/01/2022 10:26

Good grief. Unless the tree is causing problems by overhanging (and he has made an effort to raise it with you in advance), he is no more allowed to amputate it than he is allowed to kick in the side of your car. You are being very restrained. I would tell him verbally in writing that he is not to repeat this criminal damage.

What a creep. And you shouldn't have to spend time and money on a canopy. Tell him AGAIN in the presence of his wife that the various comments he has made make you feel very uncomfortable

5zeds · 07/01/2022 10:28

A well placed umbrella would probably help

KirstenBlest · 07/01/2022 10:28

I'd ask them if they saw anything and because you are going to report it to the police as criminal damage

He has probably been going through your drawers

Loveisthere · 07/01/2022 10:29

OP this is criminal damage and if he took away the tree cut offs theft he sounds aabsolutely disgusting perving over you cutting down trees for a better view of you blatantly staring out of the bedroom window at you. I agree with pp check your house for hidden cameras and change the locks. I feel sorry for his wife living with him.

cstaff · 07/01/2022 10:30

Jaysus op that is creepy as fuck. Definitely say something to him in front of his wife. Hopefully she will put him right and will embarrass him enough to back off.

KittenCatcher · 07/01/2022 10:30

Is that a camera attached to his security light.

Random789 · 07/01/2022 10:31

Just posting again to vent about what an absolute fucker this man is. I've seen your tree pic now and there is ZERO excuse for his vandalism

I'm still recovering from the absolute FURY that I felt yesterday on reading this article in the guardian about men trading women's images online: www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/06/i-have-moments-of-shame-i-cant-control-the-lives-ruined-by-explicit-collector-culture

lottiegarbanzo · 07/01/2022 10:32

Take away any keys and do not let him in your house again.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/01/2022 10:34

And yes to being straight talking. Then to logging incidents, screen-shotting texts and considering reporting him to the police for harassment.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/01/2022 10:35

He had a key? I'd get a different one cut. And a Ring doorbell. And block his number.

There are red flags all over this one. Be careful.

BornOnTwelfthNight · 07/01/2022 10:38

Are you sure it wasn't blocking the sunlight into his garden that's why he cut it?

It doesn’t matter if it’s blocking sunlight into your garden, as long as the branches aren’t overhanging you have no right to reduce the height of a neighbours tree, regardless of how big it gets.

averylongtimeago · 07/01/2022 10:39

I would be absolutely livid at the damage to that tree! He has taken all the leaders off- which will limit the height but will encourage the tree to send out more side shoots, so it will end up looking thicker.

A good tree for height is the flagpole cherry- will get to about 10' pretty quickly but not spread more than 1 m across, careful positioning should help block his windows

countrygirl99 · 07/01/2022 10:39

@mug2018

It's a pear tree so hopefully it will help bush it out & not kill it. I'm definitely wary of him so I'll be very straight talking when I see him.
Our newly planted pear tree was damaged 8 years ago when a neighbours tree came down. It's never been right since 😔
godmum56 · 07/01/2022 10:40

@Slayduggee

Ask him in front of his wife if he saw who damaged you tree as you need to report the criminal damage to the police as you need to for your insurance claim, then watch him squirm!
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