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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a lift to a stranger?

190 replies

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:01

Tonight I went to grab a few things from the shops with my DS as they didn't come on my usual online shop. As I was leaving the store, with DS holding my hand, a woman came up to me and asked for a lift to a street I hadn't heard of, which she assured me wasn't far and was near a local landmark (said landmark is about a 10 minutes drive from the shop)
I normally would have said yes but there was something off about this woman. I said No, sorry I have to go and pick up DD in the opposite direction. Despite this she followed me to my car! I politely but firmly said please step away from my car as you're scaring my DS. She walked away and asked again, I ignored her and got in the car and locked my doors. As I drove away, she walked up to another car with a young looking teenager walking towards it. WIBU to say no? Like I said I normally would give someone a lift so close but she made me feel uncomfortable, especially with DS with me. DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 03/01/2022 19:03

God no. I’m quite calm and not easily spooked but no way to this.

PurpleDaisies · 03/01/2022 19:03

I wouldn’t give a lift to a stranger either, unless there were exceptional circumstances.

phishy · 03/01/2022 19:03

YANBU. Never ignore your instincts.

Blueemeraldagain · 03/01/2022 19:05

Oh my god. No way! A 10 min drive is not unwalkable for most people.

IfIwasablackbird · 03/01/2022 19:05

No, absolutely follow your instincts.

HacerSonarSusPasos · 03/01/2022 19:07

God no, i've watched too many crime documentaries.

Have you read The Gift of Fear? It talks about how our intuition/gut feeling alerts us to dangers long before our conscious minds become aware of them. So it's never wise to ignore that uncomfortable feeling in situations like this one.

LethargicActress · 03/01/2022 19:07

You absolutely did the right thing. You were near shops, if this woman was truly in distress or need there would have been someone available to help her more publicly.

Your DH is very naive not to think there’s a strong possibility of this being a scam, and even if the risk is tiny, why would he want you to take it, especially when you’re with your child?

Original poster
LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:08

Glad to see I'm not alone! It really shook me up and it's made me quite angry that it upset DS.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 03/01/2022 19:08

Strange behaviour on the woman's part - why would you go to a shop expecting a lift home(?) from a random stranger.
I think you did the right thing trusting your gut.
DH hadn't met her - so only presented with the hypothetical scenario, not really enough to have any sense of gut feeling about.

Original poster
LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:08

@HacerSonarSusPasos

God no, i've watched too many crime documentaries.

Have you read The Gift of Fear? It talks about how our intuition/gut feeling alerts us to dangers long before our conscious minds become aware of them. So it's never wise to ignore that uncomfortable feeling in situations like this one.

I might have to give this one a read!
OP posts:
KatieKat88 · 03/01/2022 19:08

Honestly there are very very few circumstances where I'd feel safe giving a stranger a lift and definitely not with my child there. No way.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 03/01/2022 19:09

Once offered a lift to a poor woman caught up in a real rainstorm near Morrisons.. She was going to work there but thanked me anyway! Once offered a young woman a sit in the warm stuck in snow - her df was just pulling up but she thanked me anyway!!
Never had a stranger in my car despite offering!!

Palmfrond · 03/01/2022 19:10

Hell no, sounds like the beginning of a horror movie (nd I’m a 6’4” man).

RaginaPhalange · 03/01/2022 19:10

Absolutely not! You did the right thing.

DartmoorChef · 03/01/2022 19:11

Definitely you did the right thing.

I was buying fuel at a fairly rural petrol station recently miles from my home and a young bloke who worked there and had just finished a shift asked if I could give him a lift into the next town. I just said sorry no I can't. .

Clarinet1 · 03/01/2022 19:12

What rings the most alarm bells for me is her persistence. OK, if she needed a lift she could ask once but to keep on when you had said “No” suggests something odd, especially when at the shops there were probably other people around she could have asked.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 03/01/2022 19:12

Speaking of horror films just showed ds a picture of the wooden 'shack' we are staying in this year and he declared we will all be murdered!
*check if I am still mning in June please!

MarineBlue33 · 03/01/2022 19:12

Out of interest, was she an old lady/ laden down with shopping?

Original poster
LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:13

@Clarinet1

What rings the most alarm bells for me is her persistence. OK, if she needed a lift she could ask once but to keep on when you had said “No” suggests something odd, especially when at the shops there were probably other people around she could have asked.
This is what made me most uncomfortable.
OP posts:
EverNapping · 03/01/2022 19:13

Never, ever get in the car with a stranger. Even if it's your car.

Piggy42 · 03/01/2022 19:14

I wouldn’t have given her a lift either.

Original poster
LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:14

@MarineBlue33

Out of interest, was she an old lady/ laden down with shopping?
No, maybe mid 30's with one shopping bag. If it was an old lady I would have almost certainly said yes, or called her a taxi.
OP posts:
Rainartist · 03/01/2022 19:15

Definitely yanbu. I'm surprised your dh wanted you to put yourself in such a compromising position.

sweetbellyhigh · 03/01/2022 19:16

If your husband wants to give strangers lifts he can go right ahead. Not ok if him to expect you to.

NewYearCalavicci · 03/01/2022 19:16

That does sound very odd , did she give a reason as to why she needed a lift , ie in a rush , car broke down , let down by someone else ?

Are there no buses or local cabs ?
I hate to see people stuck so I would of possibly rang a cab for her and given a few quid towards it

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