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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give a lift to a stranger?

190 replies

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:01

Tonight I went to grab a few things from the shops with my DS as they didn't come on my usual online shop. As I was leaving the store, with DS holding my hand, a woman came up to me and asked for a lift to a street I hadn't heard of, which she assured me wasn't far and was near a local landmark (said landmark is about a 10 minutes drive from the shop)
I normally would have said yes but there was something off about this woman. I said No, sorry I have to go and pick up DD in the opposite direction. Despite this she followed me to my car! I politely but firmly said please step away from my car as you're scaring my DS. She walked away and asked again, I ignored her and got in the car and locked my doors. As I drove away, she walked up to another car with a young looking teenager walking towards it. WIBU to say no? Like I said I normally would give someone a lift so close but she made me feel uncomfortable, especially with DS with me. DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

OP posts:

ancientgran · 03/01/2022 20:55

I think you did the right thing.

SeasonFinale · 03/01/2022 20:57

@LondonQueen

For those asking, the teenager was male. However I still think she was most likely trying to steal bags, wallets etc.

So I would have still doubled back to make sure he was OK and knew of the scams where she makes him drive to somewhere where he is robbed by a group of people! They are equal opportunity scam artists/thieves. I would hope people looked out for my sons the same way they would other's daughters.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/01/2022 20:58

I am very relaxed about safety and used to hitch a lot, but this would raise alarm bells for me. Why couldn’t she walk? You have to listen to your instincts.

TheMawisbraw · 03/01/2022 20:59

I wouldn’t have either, although where I live in Scotland we have some serious bad winters and snow and as a driver of a 4x4 It’s not unusual to give strangers lifts in those circumstances

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/01/2022 21:02

@LookBackInIngres

One Saturday in the early nineties I was returning home after a shopping spree, when, at the lights, a rear door opened and an old lady got in, sat herself down, and said, imperiously, “Take me to Xx Eaton square”. I thought what I could do about this, then I thought she was about my mother’s age, then I thought she has good taste at least (my car was an ancient but good looking 450 Sel) so I just did a u-turn, which you could still then do at Notting Hill Gate, and took her back to belgravia. Not a word was spoken and when I reached her destination, she just got out and closed the door behind her.

I felt very warm about the encounter and feel warm right now after writing about it. Is a a bit off-topic. Sorry.

That’s given me a warm feeling reading it. How lovely. Do you think she was a Countess with earli state dementia?

Original poster

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 21:06

@TakeMe2Insanity

Hang on, where do you live that it’s ok normal to give total strangers a lift in your car? No way on earth I’d do that in London.

I live up North currently, I wouldn't dare give someone a lift in London!

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 03/01/2022 21:11

Nope, as a lone woman or with my dc I'd never give any random stranger a lift in my car in that circumstance no matter how lovely they seemed.

Pregnagainagain · 03/01/2022 21:13

Surely there isn’t anyone who thinks doing this with a child in the car is ok? Not worth the risk.

BorderlineHappy · 03/01/2022 21:23

And about the male teenager,maybe he was in on it.

Opus17 · 03/01/2022 21:24

Always listen to your gut

BertramLacey · 03/01/2022 21:28

DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

Well men need to realise that women are more at risk and need to be more careful than they do. Although honestly, in this situation, I suspect there were a couple of men lurking around somewhere, using her as bait for whatever scam they wanted to pull. It's why she was desperate, she's probably in fear of them too.

I have occasionally offered lifts to women but not when asked - only when I've encountered them in the dark and pissing rain on rural roads. Of course, it could be the start of a horror film but so far it's just been giving a lift to some poor sod caught in a downpour.

Notbeforemycoffeeplease · 03/01/2022 21:29

You are most definitely not being unreasonable and I wouldn’t have said it was unreasonable to refuse to give a complete stranger a lift in any circumstance, particularly when you have a child with you. This woman’s persistence seems alarming. Your instinct was warning you for a reason. Yes we all want to help others and it’s awful to imagine someone being stranded but that behaviour was off. Also, yes a 10 min drive was probably a 30/40 minute walk but I’d rather do than cause someone else inconvenience or alarm.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 03/01/2022 21:44

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

No you absolutely did the right thing. I have given strangers a lift - one was a teenager who had just rolled her car, she was fine but was absolutely terrified that her parents would kill her for the crash - gave her a lift home, and one was a teenager who was attending a college interview and was completely lost in the city where I lived.

I think the difference was that they were panicking and didn't ask for help, I just saw that they were panicking and asked if they needed help and they were young females .

Absolutely go with your instincts and don't feel you have to be nice.

I wonder if you're the lady who gave me a lift? I was in exactly the second situation you describe.

If so, thankyou. I never forgot your kindness.

OP, you were definitely right to trust your instincts though.

WoofWoofMooWoof · 03/01/2022 21:47

I was working as a carer and was leaving my service user's flat (it was late evening and dark already) when a young lady approached me, said she was pregnant and in a lot of pain, and could I please give her a lift to the hospital. As it was in the direction I was going anyway (and because I'm a softie) I agreed.

I - stupidly in hindsight - put my bag in the footwell behind my seat. During the drive she 'dropped' her phone and was fiddling around trying to find it. I dropped her off at the hospital and watched her go in. When I got to my next service user's flat I checked my bag and sure enough, my wallet was missing.

I went straight back to the hospital and nobody had checked into the maternity ward. Lesson learned!

If you have a bad feeling about someone do not give them a lift.

DdraigGoch · 03/01/2022 21:48

A plausible reason, sadly, isn’t necessarily an indicator that they’re legit. There was one woman round here who was notorious for approaching people, saying her car had broken down but she needed to get to the hospital to visit her child. She was a drug addict scamming for money.

I work on the railway and I find that the more dramatic an excuse, the less likely it is to be true. "Relative in hospital" is a common one.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 03/01/2022 21:52

There is not a cat in hell’s chance I would have given this stranger a lift. You did the right thing

DdraigGoch · 03/01/2022 21:54

@TakeMe2Insanity

Hang on, where do you live that it’s ok normal to give total strangers a lift in your car? No way on earth I’d do that in London.

London is not exactly the sort of place where randoms would generally need lifts though, is it? It's not like the snowy country lane above where a bus probably passes through once a week.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/01/2022 22:02

I wonder if you're the lady who gave me a lift? I was in exactly the second situation you describe.

If so, thankyou. I never forgot your kindness.

Probably not unless you were in Hull in the 90s

But it's nice to think that maybe the girl appreciated it.

Hagpie · 03/01/2022 22:07

No you’re not unreasonable. I love helping but the risk is not worth the warm fuzzy feeling in this case. You trusted your guy and just might have saved yourself and your kid.

MrsWinters · 03/01/2022 22:16

I probably would’ve called the non-emergency police line as well and given a description

Londongent · 03/01/2022 22:24

As others have said no chance would I have given her a lift. She could well have been trying to drive you to a location where someone would be waiting to rob you.

ClaudiaJ1 · 03/01/2022 22:38

YANBU We have these instincts for a reason. That she was intimidating you was enough.

SE13Mummy · 03/01/2022 22:54

@TakeMe2Insanity

Hang on, where do you live that it’s ok normal to give total strangers a lift in your car? No way on earth I’d do that in London.

I'm in London and have given a lift to stranger. She was a sobbing student on the last train out of London. Phone battery had died, she'd been split up from friends, the train wasn't going to where she lived and it was snowing. I was with my DD, suggested to the student that she got off the train with us and came back to at least charge her phone and come up with a plan in the warm (she wasn't dressed for snow) but that I'd happily drive her home if need be. That's what happened in the end as there were no taxis available. It was four or five years ago and I'd absolutely do it again; a 20 year old wandering around SE London in her clubbing outfit, upset, unable to contact anyone and freezing cold was the vulnerable one in the situation and I was in a position to help keep her safe.

I wouldn't have given a lift to a stranger who accosted me in a shop and then pestered me.

KTheGrey · 03/01/2022 23:14

Gosh @SE13Mummy that's a lovely story of kindness just because somebody needed it. Given me a warm glow that has.

EightNationNavy · 03/01/2022 23:41

Big difference between seeing someone in distress trying to cope on their own and deciding of your own volition to offer help, and a stranger coming up to you asking for a lift. Huge difference. Not at all comparable.

Think about it, if normal people find themselves a bit stuck, they would either suck it up and walk, or phone a friend, or if their phone was flat, go back into a store and see if someone could charge it for them. You would only ask a stranger for a lift if you were totally desperate and even then you would more likely just ask them to phone someone for you, or to take you a very limited way, with many apologies.

Someone sauntering up to a complete and utter stranger and just insouciantly requesting a lift - (not counting the odd situation where hitching is more normal or expected) - obviously up to no good.

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