Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a lift to a stranger?

190 replies

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:01

Tonight I went to grab a few things from the shops with my DS as they didn't come on my usual online shop. As I was leaving the store, with DS holding my hand, a woman came up to me and asked for a lift to a street I hadn't heard of, which she assured me wasn't far and was near a local landmark (said landmark is about a 10 minutes drive from the shop)
I normally would have said yes but there was something off about this woman. I said No, sorry I have to go and pick up DD in the opposite direction. Despite this she followed me to my car! I politely but firmly said please step away from my car as you're scaring my DS. She walked away and asked again, I ignored her and got in the car and locked my doors. As I drove away, she walked up to another car with a young looking teenager walking towards it. WIBU to say no? Like I said I normally would give someone a lift so close but she made me feel uncomfortable, especially with DS with me. DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

OP posts:
pinkmink · 03/01/2022 23:58

My instinct would be to say no way, because I’d assume it was some sort of scam or it would put me in danger. I’d probably then worry that she was in danger. Either way, I think you did the right thing by saying no and letting the police know. If she’s being used by a gang this could help her.

CelestiaNoctis · 04/01/2022 00:55

If its not far then why can't couldn't she walk it. Very strange. Definitely don't give lifts to strangers, even the elderly. Remember, Ted bundy pretended to be injured to gain sympathy. Just because someone's old doesn't mean they're a nice person.

ALongHardWinter · 04/01/2022 02:27

I think you were right to listen to your gut instinct. And like a previous poster,I agree that what made it suspicious was her persistence. Most odd.

Duckerbizzle · 04/01/2022 06:49

Oh gosh, absolutely you did the right thing. Could well have been getting you to drive somewhere to then be mugged or whatever. Hope the next person she approached is OK though! (Not blaming you OP btw)

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/01/2022 06:52

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

I wonder if you're the lady who gave me a lift? I was in exactly the second situation you describe.

If so, thankyou. I never forgot your kindness.

Probably not unless you were in Hull in the 90s Grin

But it's nice to think that maybe the girl appreciated it. Flowers

Ahh no it wasn't me then! It was the 90s, but it was in Wales.

I'm sure she was just as grateful though.

LuaDipa · 04/01/2022 15:32

In this situation I would have said no also. I have given a lift to a stranger on a couple of occasions previously but something seems quite off here.

NYnewstart · 04/01/2022 16:00

Not quite the same situation but I was driving home from work one day pre mobile phones, and I suddenly felt too unwell to drive.
I knocked on a random door and asked to borrow their phone to call my dad to fetch me. Fortunately the couple let me in to wait and use their phone.

I don’t think I would in today’s world. Maybe make the call for me and make me wait In my car perhaps.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/01/2022 16:21

You did ABSOLUTELY the right thing OP

She didn't give a reason, she was persistent - she followed you to your car AFTER you said no, your child was frightened

Separately I often give people lifts in London. I live near a music college and the young people with their cellos and double bases at the bus stops are often offered lifts by me in the rain or like today when loads of bus drivers are off with Covid

The last bloke with a cello said people always stopped and offered him lifts Smile

Russelhobskettle · 04/01/2022 16:52

Does anyone else routinely put their handbag in their boot rather than keep it in seating area of their car? My handbag is always in my boot, shoved under the random horse junk.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 04/01/2022 16:58

You don't give lifts to strangers (Your mum told you)

Anything could have happened. Knife pulled at your throat? Your child threatened/kidnapped/raped/murdered?

alfiegirl61 · 04/01/2022 17:20

Absolutely not!! Could have been a man dressed/made up as a woman. Or she could have pulled a knife on you and car-jacked you. Even if he/she wasn't planning violence or robbery, who goes out to the shops without any means of getting home, nor enough money for a bus or a taxi, and just expecting some random stranger to ferry them back home? No back story - e.g. my car has broken down/I was going to walk but sprained my ankle/I've lost my phone/purse so can you possibly lend me £5 for a taxi? She wasn't stuck miles from anywhere... and who doesn't have a phone to call a taxi/partner/family member/friend if they get stranded? If she'd asked if she could use your phone to call a taxi - you'd have said yes. Quite right to trust your instincts. I bet your DH would have hit the roof if you'd had an incident (i.e. "how could you possibly have been so gullible/taken such a risk!")

GrandmasCat · 04/01/2022 17:33

@Russelhobskettle

Does anyone else routinely put their handbag in their boot rather than keep it in seating area of their car? My handbag is always in my boot, shoved under the random horse junk.
Never, it is more likely that you are mugged while opening/closing the boot than coming out of the car. If I have to run out of the car, I don’t want to be fiddling with the boot in the middle of a busy road/motorway. My safety is more important than my bag.

I put it in the passenger footwell but my doors are always locked and my windows never fully open.

Zipper666 · 04/01/2022 17:42

You played safe, which is always the best option.

If she had kept asking, get your phone out and say "I will just take your photo and send it to my home account"

If she shies away that's a good clue.

MummyMayo1988 · 04/01/2022 17:43

Definitely NBU - if your gut sent warning signals; you'd be stupid to ignore them. It's all very well DH saying; "I'd have done it" but a woman alone with a child is a different story. Not to sound sexist or anything 😬 it shouldn't be this way but it is.
What if her aim was to chuck you out the car or she had a bloke waiting at the other end? What if - God forbid - the goal was to take your DC?!
You definitely did the right thing.

purplebunny2012 · 04/01/2022 17:44

YWNBU! No way would a give a stranger a lift, anything could happen. Your DH is naive

EvilPea · 04/01/2022 17:48

Your instincts are there for a reason

I have given a lift to a stranger before. We met in the queue at Sainsburys and got talking. She wasn’t local, and needed to get somewhere that was a short walk but directions were tricky so I ended up giving her a lift there, waited for her and lift back to her hotel.
Id never normally offer, but she seemed nice and a bit lonely in a new town,I’d trusted my guts and I guess so did she.

Scarriff · 04/01/2022 17:48

I'm someone who occasionally gives lifts to strangers, usually when public transport is having a hiccup. I did a lot of hitchhiking when I was young so see it as a way of paying back. ALWAYS listen to your gut . If something seems off, then jog on. Waste no time. The woman might have been fine, but you could not tell at the time. You did the right thing

Oh never had a problem with strangers btw.

Woeismethischristmas · 04/01/2022 17:48

My ex used to give hitchhikers a lift all the time. I think it’s different as a bloke. I’ve only ever given a lift once I was up on Orkney and it was so windy/ rainy that I offered a lift to a woman walking down the road. She did say they were used to the weather but hopped in anyway.

Tessabelle1 · 04/01/2022 17:50

I would NEVER give a lift to a stranger, call me paranoid but with my luck I'd pick up the local serial killer

007Stocko · 04/01/2022 18:02

@phishy

YANBU. Never ignore your instincts.
Absolutely this
AcrossthePond55 · 04/01/2022 18:10

Why would anyone EVER allow a stranger to get in their car? I wouldn't care if she looked like Her Majesty the Queen. She's not getting in my car!

When my mother was around 90 and in the earliest stages of what turned out to be dementia, she told my brother and I that she'd given a ride to 'such a nice young lady'. We were appalled and it was when our eyes were opened that her 'forgetfulness' was more than just 'old age', her judgement was going, too . It was shortly thereafter that we asked her to stop driving and luckily she was willing to hand over her keys.

Cindefuckingrella · 04/01/2022 18:15

You absolutely did the right thing. Always trust your instincts.
I have given a lift to a stranger once- but only because I could see they were in distress and I offered. If they had asked I probably wouldn’t have, as I’m suspicious of everyone! It was in the residential area near the local hospital and I had just returned to my car from an appointment. She looked like she had parked and lost her bearings, which was easily done. She was very grateful and as suspected she was trying to get to the hospital where her husband had been admitted with mental health issues. Poor lady was distraught.

purplebunny2012 · 04/01/2022 18:16

There was one time I got in a stranger's car. It was after I crashed mine and he was a witness. I think he asked if we (my DS and me) had a way of getting home. My DH was at my FIL's house 90 miles away and we don't have anyone else around us, so I said no and he drove us home (IIRC I didn't have my mobile so called breakdown once we were at home). It was only a couple of miles, but a bit far for my DS to walk, I think he was 5 at the time.
Obviously he knew what had happened and that we were in need, and I hadn't asked him before he offered (I wouldn't have thought to do so), but as above I wouldn't drive a stranger who asked me

Suzanne999 · 04/01/2022 18:17

No. And never ever with a child in the car.
Sounds an odd scenario and she was too persistent. Something off there.

EllieHJ · 04/01/2022 18:24

I gave a lift to a guy just before Xmas a couple of years ago. I was with my teenage son and he wanted to get to the AELTC. He had asked directions in the village and we were about to drive past it on our way home. He seemed very nice. We dropped him off and thought nothing of it. About 30 minutes later my youngest son had popped over to a neighbours and left the front door slightly open so he could pop back.

Two armed policemen pushed into the house shouting. They were shouting my husbands name because the car was registered in his name.

The guy had been seen being dropped off by me on camera and then left something outside the bloody place which they thought was a bomb. So they thought we were something to do with it. It was crazy! It turned out to be someone’s ashes that he’d left outside the tennis club.

All got sorted in the end but I nearly shit myself when we got raided!

Swipe left for the next trending thread