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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a lift to a stranger?

190 replies

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:01

Tonight I went to grab a few things from the shops with my DS as they didn't come on my usual online shop. As I was leaving the store, with DS holding my hand, a woman came up to me and asked for a lift to a street I hadn't heard of, which she assured me wasn't far and was near a local landmark (said landmark is about a 10 minutes drive from the shop)
I normally would have said yes but there was something off about this woman. I said No, sorry I have to go and pick up DD in the opposite direction. Despite this she followed me to my car! I politely but firmly said please step away from my car as you're scaring my DS. She walked away and asked again, I ignored her and got in the car and locked my doors. As I drove away, she walked up to another car with a young looking teenager walking towards it. WIBU to say no? Like I said I normally would give someone a lift so close but she made me feel uncomfortable, especially with DS with me. DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 03/01/2022 20:28

These days and really any time period, as I prefer to help when possible, I still would not trust anyone that you don't know

Malibuismysecrethome · 03/01/2022 20:29

I go further and don’t open my door to randoms.
You don’t have to engage with people on your doorstep.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 03/01/2022 20:29

Nope, no way would I be giving a lift in that situation. I’ve seen too many people like that who are scammers - they use surprise and pressure, and prey on people’s uncomfortableness with saying ‘no’.

A plausible reason, sadly, isn’t necessarily an indicator that they’re legit. There was one woman round here who was notorious for approaching people, saying her car had broken down but she needed to get to the hospital to visit her child. She was a drug addict scamming for money.

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 03/01/2022 20:31

No, of course YANBU and tbh I'm surprised you say that you normally would give someone a lift. I wouldn't let a stranger get into my car if I had my kids with me. If the circumstances are exceptional you can always call the police or a taxi for someone.

bevelino · 03/01/2022 20:32

For me it depends. I have 4 dds and have driven to collect them from clubs and bars late at night and have seen young women standing on their own at bus stops. I have asked them where they are heading and if not too far out of my way have offered them a lift home. They have always accepted gratefully as they can see dds in car, so low threat.

isitfree · 03/01/2022 20:32

I once gave a lift to 2 young girls who were thumbing a lift in the pouring rain. I was on my way to work a nurse at the hospital and I felt sorry for them. They both jumped in the back, I dropped them off. A few minutes later I remembered that I had thrown my handbag on the back seat. Of course it was gone!

thetinsoldier · 03/01/2022 20:32

No. You did the right thing. Her behaviour sounds off too - that's why we have gut feelings!

Agree with reading The Gift of Fear -eye-opening.

thetinsoldier · 03/01/2022 20:34

@bevelino

For me it depends. I have 4 dds and have driven to collect them from clubs and bars late at night and have seen young women standing on their own at bus stops. I have asked them where they are heading and if not too far out of my way have offered them a lift home. They have always accepted gratefully as they can see dds in car, so low threat.
That's really kind of you.
lottiegarbanzo · 03/01/2022 20:34

No way. And no she was not 'obviously in need', what a stupidly naive thing to say.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 03/01/2022 20:38

No you absolutely did the right thing. I have given strangers a lift - one was a teenager who had just rolled her car, she was fine but was absolutely terrified that her parents would kill her for the crash - gave her a lift home, and one was a teenager who was attending a college interview and was completely lost in the city where I lived.

I think the difference was that they were panicking and didn't ask for help, I just saw that they were panicking and asked if they needed help and they were young females .

Absolutely go with your instincts and don't feel you have to be nice.

Lucked · 03/01/2022 20:39

I have given a lift to a stranger before in a snow storm, I stopped the car and asked a lad if about 20 if I could give him a lift as it was crazy deep and heavy. Poor lad was walking to his job and it was on my way.

In this scenario I wouldn’t have but my immediate thought is that she has been abandoned there after a fight with a partner who has taken the car and she possibly has no money. However she is somewhere safe and her behaviour is very odd.

Was it walkable?

Wreath21 · 03/01/2022 20:39

Persistence from a stranger is always a red flag when there are multiple other ways for them to get what they need ie they are in a busy, well-lit public place.
A lone woman needing a lift in a supermarket setting can ask supermarket staff for assistance or the use of a phone, for instance: pestering a stranger who has already politely refused is unacceptable and should be met with a sharp 'Fuck off'.

2bazookas · 03/01/2022 20:40

She followed you to the car after you refused with a perfect excuse, that is a big red flag :-(

LetHimHaveIt · 03/01/2022 20:41

If you've got some sort of local community Facebook group, I'd stick it on the there, too.

LookBackInIngres · 03/01/2022 20:43

One Saturday in the early nineties I was returning home after a shopping spree, when, at the lights, a rear door opened and an old lady got in, sat herself down, and said, imperiously, “Take me to Xx Eaton square”. I thought what I could do about this, then I thought she was about my mother’s age, then I thought she has good taste at least (my car was an ancient but good looking 450 Sel) so I just did a u-turn, which you could still then do at Notting Hill Gate, and took her back to belgravia. Not a word was spoken and when I reached her destination, she just got out and closed the door behind her.

I felt very warm about the encounter and feel warm right now after writing about it. Is a a bit off-topic. Sorry.

Original poster
LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 20:45

@Lucked

I have given a lift to a stranger before in a snow storm, I stopped the car and asked a lad if about 20 if I could give him a lift as it was crazy deep and heavy. Poor lad was walking to his job and it was on my way.

In this scenario I wouldn’t have but my immediate thought is that she has been abandoned there after a fight with a partner who has taken the car and she possibly has no money. However she is somewhere safe and her behaviour is very odd.

Was it walkable?

I have given lifts in similar situations, when I used to work elsewhere, I offered a young lady a lift home as she was walking to work down a country road in the snow. The distance was definitely walkable in this situation.
OP posts:
EwwSprouts · 03/01/2022 20:45

Absolutely no way.

ListeningButNotHearing · 03/01/2022 20:46

No way.

Always trust your instincts.

muddyford · 03/01/2022 20:47

No way!

FortniteBoysMum · 03/01/2022 20:48

She could of had some one at that location planning yo car jack you or try taking your child. See too many of these kind of things these days. Don't give people a lift you do not know. Tell them the store can call them a taxi if they need one.

whynotwhatknot · 03/01/2022 20:51

No and i probably never will sorry but thats how i feel

if she was stranded or introuble woudnt she have said so?

TakeMe2Insanity · 03/01/2022 20:51

Hang on, where do you live that it’s ok normal to give total strangers a lift in your car? No way on earth I’d do that in London.

RedCandyApple · 03/01/2022 20:53

@TakeMe2Insanity

Hang on, where do you live that it’s ok normal to give total strangers a lift in your car? No way on earth I’d do that in London.
I was thinking the same, I’m in London and this is bizarre to me, I also don’t drive and never have and have managed to get around without ever asking a stranger for a lift!
DillDanding · 03/01/2022 20:54

No way! What a loon. I'd have threatened to call the police.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 03/01/2022 20:54

Jesus Christ this has given me the willies! YANBU!!!

@Nowomenaroundeh

What was the “problem” they knocked under the guise of? How creepy