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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give a lift to a stranger?

190 replies

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 19:01

Tonight I went to grab a few things from the shops with my DS as they didn't come on my usual online shop. As I was leaving the store, with DS holding my hand, a woman came up to me and asked for a lift to a street I hadn't heard of, which she assured me wasn't far and was near a local landmark (said landmark is about a 10 minutes drive from the shop)
I normally would have said yes but there was something off about this woman. I said No, sorry I have to go and pick up DD in the opposite direction. Despite this she followed me to my car! I politely but firmly said please step away from my car as you're scaring my DS. She walked away and asked again, I ignored her and got in the car and locked my doors. As I drove away, she walked up to another car with a young looking teenager walking towards it. WIBU to say no? Like I said I normally would give someone a lift so close but she made me feel uncomfortable, especially with DS with me. DH said he would have given her a lift as she was clearly in need or wouldn't ask! Please reassure me I did the right thing, or tell me I should stop being so paranoid.

OP posts:
Celestine70 · 04/01/2022 18:26

You totally did the right thing. You have to put you and your child's safety first. Don't trust strangers is for adults too.

maybloss2 · 04/01/2022 18:27

I wouldn’t have a stranger in my car with my child.
I have picked up hitchhikers in the past when on my own.
I’d say trust yr instinct.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 04/01/2022 18:30

You were right, and her behaviour after you refused when she followed you and tried to harangue you into changing your mind just emphasised that your instincts were right.

I have occasionally given lifts. We go on holiday to a very rural part of Ireland with next to no public transport and we occasionally see people walking and hitching. Usually the car is full with family but once when I was on my own in the car I gave a guy a lift because he looked like a young teen, too young to drive. It was an impulse decision and he turned out to be a charming young man. Other times I've been on my own and driven past men hitching and not even considered stopping for them so I must have some unconscious thought process that does a risk analysis from just a glance.

GiftedFish · 04/01/2022 18:33

No. I wouldn't have gave her a lift. Especially being that you had your child with you.

Passenger42 · 04/01/2022 18:37

No way, read too many books on Fred and Rose West to give lifts to strangers. That’s how they lured their victims.

Kteeb1 · 04/01/2022 19:12

I gave a lift to a stranger recently. A young woman who was stranded at the train station as all the trains were cancelled and she cpuldnt get hold of her mum. But she had clearly been on the train and was I'm distress. A slight risk but a calculated one.i want going to leave her by herself it's am isolated train station with no taxis. But I trusted my gut, as you have. Your DH wasn't there you were so he can't judge.. Also men don't have to protect themselves, don't even think about it, in the same way we do.

quicknamechange4000 · 04/01/2022 19:23

I'd have been the same, OP. Trust your instincts. Re your DH it's easier for a bloke to say they'd do it! Men aren't as vulnerable.

Callingallskeletons · 04/01/2022 19:26

Erm no chance, OP you totally did the right thing and your husband is slightly mental?

But I wouldn’t give a total stranger a lift in any circumstance tbh, unfortunately now you just can’t trust anyone at face value

Ddot · 04/01/2022 19:51

If your spider senses say 😱 dont go against them

OneTC · 04/01/2022 19:55

I've given strangers lifts before but in the scenario you described no, fuck that

SlashBeef · 04/01/2022 20:01

Oh hell nah. Next thing you know you're handcuffed to a pipe in a disused bathroom.

Bertiebiscuit · 04/01/2022 20:10

No woman should ever allow a stranger into her car, for any reason ever - do you not watch the News

Sunnysideup78 · 04/01/2022 20:21

You definitely did the right thing. I always remember a story that my uncle told me when I was younger about a colleague of his being approached by an ‘old woman’ in a carpark who didn’t have enough money to get the bus home. She took pity on her and helped her into the car, got in the other side and looked down to reverse to discover that the old lady had man’s hands! Quick thinking she said ‘could you just get out and see me back’ which they did and she quickly drove off! Afterwards she found the old lady’s handbag in the footwell and there was nothing but a big knife in there 😱
No idea if this story was true or just my uncle trying to instill some sense into me for when I was older. Needless to say, I’ve never given a stranger a lift or vice versa!

Scottsy100 · 04/01/2022 20:36

Absolutely not she could be anyone

WagnersFourthSymphony · 04/01/2022 20:48

I've both offered and accepted lifts from strangers, but only because it felt ok at the time. But no way would I do this if I felt there was something off about them, however hard to pinpoint. You were right to turn her down for this alone.

It is really weird that she persisted after you'd refused. Especially when you had your child with you.

You were right to trust your instincts. No one should be criticising you for making that choice.

WagnersFourthSymphony · 04/01/2022 20:50

Oh, and the other thing is that most men don't have the same highly developed spidey senses that women do, especially when they become mothers.

Wrenna · 04/01/2022 20:52

No way. I’ve never given a ride or received a ride from a stranger!

Wreath21 · 04/01/2022 20:54

@Sunnysideup78

You definitely did the right thing. I always remember a story that my uncle told me when I was younger about a colleague of his being approached by an ‘old woman’ in a carpark who didn’t have enough money to get the bus home. She took pity on her and helped her into the car, got in the other side and looked down to reverse to discover that the old lady had man’s hands! Quick thinking she said ‘could you just get out and see me back’ which they did and she quickly drove off! Afterwards she found the old lady’s handbag in the footwell and there was nothing but a big knife in there 😱 No idea if this story was true or just my uncle trying to instill some sense into me for when I was older. Needless to say, I’ve never given a stranger a lift or vice versa!
Untrue - one of the classic urban legends. However your uncle may well have believed it himself as well as telling it to you with the intention of warning you to be cautious (this is one of the main purposes of such stories though, unfortunately, a lot of urban legends also have a large dollop of misogyny and racism in them as well).
qualitygirl · 04/01/2022 20:55

No I wouldn't but I would have offered to give her money for a taxi or helped her sort something

DaffyDaydream · 04/01/2022 21:03

I was quite alarmed reading this, especially as she persisted. You absolutely did the right thing.

NYnewstart · 04/01/2022 21:14

@Sunnysideup78

You definitely did the right thing. I always remember a story that my uncle told me when I was younger about a colleague of his being approached by an ‘old woman’ in a carpark who didn’t have enough money to get the bus home. She took pity on her and helped her into the car, got in the other side and looked down to reverse to discover that the old lady had man’s hands! Quick thinking she said ‘could you just get out and see me back’ which they did and she quickly drove off! Afterwards she found the old lady’s handbag in the footwell and there was nothing but a big knife in there 😱 No idea if this story was true or just my uncle trying to instill some sense into me for when I was older. Needless to say, I’ve never given a stranger a lift or vice versa!
I’ve heard this story too. Think it may be an urban myth.
TragoCardboardCopper · 04/01/2022 21:18

Her persistence makes me wonder if she was had been drinking or taking something that made her behave in a social boundary crossing way. It would have made me very uneasy too.

Your DH might want to consider that it's not just a physical threat he needs to be aware of. As PP have said, distraction theft is entirely possible, but an ex of mine had a more alarming experience. He picked up a female hitchhiker late one night, as he was worried for her safety. He started to drive her to her destination when she suddenly demanded he give her a chunk of cash. She said if he didn't she'd report that he had assaulted her, and ruin his life.

He thought much quicker than I would have and drove straight to a police station (back when they were manned 24hrs!) and told her he would walk in with her if she wanted to make a report. She told him to fuck off and did a runner

sweetbellyhigh · 04/01/2022 21:18

@EllieHJ

I gave a lift to a guy just before Xmas a couple of years ago. I was with my teenage son and he wanted to get to the AELTC. He had asked directions in the village and we were about to drive past it on our way home. He seemed very nice. We dropped him off and thought nothing of it. About 30 minutes later my youngest son had popped over to a neighbours and left the front door slightly open so he could pop back.

Two armed policemen pushed into the house shouting. They were shouting my husbands name because the car was registered in his name.

The guy had been seen being dropped off by me on camera and then left something outside the bloody place which they thought was a bomb. So they thought we were something to do with it. It was crazy! It turned out to be someone’s ashes that he’d left outside the tennis club.

All got sorted in the end but I nearly shit myself when we got raided!

Great story!!!

I unwittingly aided a young thief.

I was pulling out of my driveway and a boy of about 13 appeared at the window looking very distressed. I can't actually remember what he said but I let him get in and gave him a ride "home" which was two streets away. It was obvious he was lying. God the whole thing was weird. He also had only one shoe 👟

Turned out he was being chased by two men after being caught in someone's shed, one of the men was chasing with a hammer. 🤷‍♀️

riceuten · 04/01/2022 21:39

No, you were not, and the fact she followed you to the car probably said it. I am occasionally cheeky and try and blag a lift from people I don't know, but if they say no, then that's that.

A few years ago I was in a foreign country (whose language I speak reasonably well) and I was walking to the bus stop to catch the bus from the village to the nearest town, and bugger me, the bus was 10 minutes early and left me at the stop. As I stood there, a woman saw me and opened the door to her car and said "Hop in" in the local lingo - given it was an hour to the next bus and it was heaving down with rain, my normally guarded self said "Sod it" and she gave me a lift and refused payment. The irony was we spent 5 mins talking in the local dialect, and then she said "Are you English?" I said "Yes, are you?" - "No, Irish" and we both burst out laughing.

LouBan · 04/01/2022 22:40

You were absolutely right. Never ignore your gut feeling. I think the fact that she followed you and kept asking after you said no is suspicious. Did she give any explanation if how she got to the shops in the first place? 10 mins drive away is not an unwalkable distance. Personally, I would never give a stranger a lift.

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