Partner visiting children with his exes in their homes

[user1481055867]

My partner of 2 years works and lives in UK, but his kids from 2 previous relationships live in European capital with his 2 exes, in his homes with 2 kids each - all of primary school ages from 3-10.
The short of the story is that he visits them few weekends a month (1 per family) , birthdays and key holidays staying in their respective homes for duration of his stay. He owns those properties and comes and goes with his own keys as he pleases and does not allow his exes to bring boyfriends into his homes. His explanation that economically this set up makes sense as those women are unable to secure rent in their financial situation and since they were not married legal avenue is more problematic for all parties.
I guess at first, I couldn’t really say much, but as we get more serious I want to make it clear that I am not ok with him playing families with one ex and 2 kids during Xmas and then another for New Year, while I am back in UK feeling strange not knowing how to explain to family and friends the whereabouts of my partner during entire holidays.

I am pretty sure long-term I cannot tolerate this, but I don’t want to make a big fuss, as a mother I understand kids must come first. His previous girlfriend left him due to complexity of this situation and I am quite close, but I never had to deal with parenting set up in this way and dont want to be unreasonable.

Has anyone experienced something similar and is this at all acceptable?

You've made the right decision. You might have ended up in the same position as the women from his previous overlapping relationships.

OP - you seem to know what you need to do (And perhaps done it sooner but we’ve all been there!!)

I am DYING to know what is attractive about this guy? Just how many billions of pounds/francs/euros does he have?

Glad you cancelled your audition for sister wives international. Stay away! And Good luck OP.

He’s a polygamist.

Is your life plan is to have two children and live in a house he owns and comes and visits sometimes (when he gets bored of his other wives)? If not, this relationship has no future!

I'm glad you're seeing sense. Congratulations. What a great start to the New Year!

Do you think you should maybe seek counseling or read some books on recognising abusive men or something? Those are the biggest red flags I've heard of in a long time and he was waving them in your face right from the start. It is a bit worrying you ever had more than one date with this guy.

@Rainallnight

He’s a polygamist.

He's a misogynist.

Good for you - hope he leaves you alone and doesn't try and cajole you into carrying on. Or, if he does, you tell him that you're not remotely interested.

Thank goodness you’ve seen the light. He has never been your Partner. He’s been having unprotected sex with a multitude of women in his one-sided ‘open relationships.’ Get tested asap.

Phew!

Well done for the ‘Cher Jean’ text.
You are off to a good start to the New Year.

Is he running a cult ?

Run don't walk

Jesus he sounds awful. Those poor women.

OP how does it feel being the other woman? Not just in one relationship but in two? Good grief wake up and run. Unless you enjoy recurring nightmares 😳

Oh OP. You’re worth so much more than what this shit bag could ever offer you. He sounds absolutely awful. Get out now.

I'm sorry are you mad?

The guy has two exes with two children apiece who he keeps in financial bondage and controls their relationships, coming and going as he pleases with keys to their homes like the lord of the manor exercising his droit de seigneur. He chooses to live in another country from his 4 children. He is clearly loaded with multiple houses and frequent foreign travel but chooses not to provide adequate child support that his exes can afford to house their children independently, preferring to offer this "in kind" housing as it allows him to totally dominate them.

And knowing all this you are in a relationship with him and trying to figure out how to remain so without losing your dignity?

Forget it. There is literally no way. Because his is clearly an absolute A Grade arsehole.

You've been with this man two years already yet he has children aged 3 to 10 with two different women?

Good grief, he doesn't mess about between one relationship ending and the next one starting, does he? I hope your contraception is good.

Oh my fucking life I just read the rest of your posts. What a creepy fucking loser. You know he absolutely categorically IS sleeping with his exes every time he visits, right?

Run run as fast as you can.

Oh my God, it gets worse - he had another girlfriend in between you and the mother of the 3 year old.

The man sounds like he keeps a harem. I'd have zero confidence that he's not still sleeping with both of them when he visits.

I am pretty sure long-term I cannot tolerate this, but I don’t want to make a big fuss, as a mother I understand kids must come first.

Yes it's great that he sees his children regularly, but being abroad for at least 2 weekends a month forever more doesn't leave much for you, does it?

You need to break up with him. You know you do. This relationship is always going to be conducted entirely on his terms. Unless you are prepared for a lifetime of that then what's the point of continuing?

Now block his number, his email, whatever it takes.

Keep running, don't look back. He isn't 'just french' he is a misogynist, he is a controlling abusive arsehole!

The fact he visits his kids, fantastic.
Staying in ex home, bit weird but ok if you trust him?
Dictating who ex's can have in their home and coming and going as pleases, awful behaviour.
Open marriage, depends on your view I guess.
If you stayed with this man it seems down the line there's a good chance you will be living as a single parent in a house he owns being dictated to how you live your life.

Good on you for dumping him. He must be loaded if he has places in Paris. Vile, misogynist, who enjoys controlling women and children. What a disgusting story about not wanting children and being the victim of exploitation. The total opposite is true. I know a lot of French people and am married to one. Funnily enough none of them speak like this.

I didnt mention the kids are not of consecutive ages but mixed across both relationships.

What the fuck?

Is this man a Muslim? Are they both his wives in Islamic law only?

I'd have zero confidence that he's not still sleeping with both of them when he visits

Personally, id have zero confidence he wasnt raping them. Can women in this position consent? He has them trapped.

I am not even in love with him at all, if anything i am forcing myself to give him a chance....

Jesus. What kind of warped reasoning is this?

It's bad enough you'd put up with so much for so little in return for someone you thought you were insanely in love with, but you don't even think you love this prick.

I despair.

Does he just cocklodge with you when he's in the UK so he doesn't have to fork out for his own accommodation?

To top it all he said only men should allow to do this as they know how to compartmentalise and women just fall in love and lose their heads. I thought he is just French...

French Arab/north African? A Muslim? It's the only thing that makes even the tiniest bit of sense to me here. The women in Paris are his wives, you are his entertainment for when he's working away.

He sounds like a twat