Partner visiting children with his exes in their homes

[user1481055867]

My partner of 2 years works and lives in UK, but his kids from 2 previous relationships live in European capital with his 2 exes, in his homes with 2 kids each - all of primary school ages from 3-10.
The short of the story is that he visits them few weekends a month (1 per family) , birthdays and key holidays staying in their respective homes for duration of his stay. He owns those properties and comes and goes with his own keys as he pleases and does not allow his exes to bring boyfriends into his homes. His explanation that economically this set up makes sense as those women are unable to secure rent in their financial situation and since they were not married legal avenue is more problematic for all parties.
I guess at first, I couldn’t really say much, but as we get more serious I want to make it clear that I am not ok with him playing families with one ex and 2 kids during Xmas and then another for New Year, while I am back in UK feeling strange not knowing how to explain to family and friends the whereabouts of my partner during entire holidays.

I am pretty sure long-term I cannot tolerate this, but I don’t want to make a big fuss, as a mother I understand kids must come first. His previous girlfriend left him due to complexity of this situation and I am quite close, but I never had to deal with parenting set up in this way and dont want to be unreasonable.

Has anyone experienced something similar and is this at all acceptable?

@Fatgalslim

LOL waiting for someone to so eloquently put it for me clearly!
I know right!Peer pressure, "you are beautiful, divorced and 40 time to get married b4 too late!" Single mums in suburbia not very poplular it seems, everyone wants you to be married and "happy" just like them, though the happiest i ve been is as a single😀

[quote user1481055867]@NdujaWannaDance
Hi, i dont know i felt a bit uncomfortable.I ve had my own 2kids, so dont want anymore and i have a coil.1st time around when we met he insisted quite quickly going off condoms after us both doing tests.This time as i am still hesitant to get back i ve only seen him a few times and always used condoms. I do not want kids with him amongst other reasons that i am not in love with him at all.
On his culture yes, he is of west african origin and despite living, studying and working in europe, seems these cultural traits he kept.His father was like that with even more wives etc.
To be honest i should ve listened to my instincts when in his visits to my house he wont get up to do anything, when i said well you can also go and put the freaking kettle on he jokingly said i am used to women serving me, no matter who it is mum, sisters, coisins, girlfriends.If i am in a room with women i am not expected to be doing any of that.It was all delivered as a joke but i didnt like it and remember fuming about it and even telling my daughter.
I do get your point about contraception, looking at his kids DOBs, his 2nd woman fell pregnant with her 1st kid after just 7 months his 1st woman gave birth to her 1st.Awful..
Hope i answered your questions..since i started to discuss it, its been a bit miserable to be honest and knowing he will probably start his attempts to fix things as soon as he lands, hope not.[/quote]
Thanks for answering.

Is he a Muslim, or just someone who culturally thinks it's no big deal to have several families on the go at once?

Get your money out of his investments before you dump him and he keeps it - how tied up are your finances with him? Please have a good look at getting completely unintangled with finances and business interests. Do it quickly..

We havent spoken since i sent that message and he hasnt come back from Europe yet, but in my mind its over...I think he is just waiting till he gets back to address it.

What do you mean - "address it"?
There's nothing to address. He is dumped.
Or are you waiting for his permission to finish the relationship?

since i started to discuss it, its been a bit miserable to be honest and knowing he will probably start his attempts to fix things as soon as he lands, hope not.

FFS. Why are you being so passive?
There is no need to "hope" for anything. You seem to be under the impression that you need to negotiate. You don't. He's dumped - so now block him.

You don't even like this man. Why you are hanging around twisting yourself in knots about his response, when a response is totally unnecessary?
Again - you don't need his permission. You don't need his agreement. You don't need to ever hear from him again.

He’s got to be rich
Why else?

He spent entire lockdown lingering in background and suggesting to get back.He doesnt mind the long game, persistent and patient unfortunately

You can afford to be patient when you have a woman wherever you lay your hat.

Hi OP,

I think that you need to get your investments away from him as quickly as you can. I really hope you don't end up losing a lot of money to him!

Stay strong and don't look back!

@ChargingBuck

I have blocked him..

@ZorbaTheHoarder

Unfortunately my investments are with him until maturity..He always came good on that and provided security tru other financial instruments in case smth were to happen to him, so i am not too worried about that, is just will have to talk to him eventually...And thats what happened last time we broke up as he always delivered and in a professional manner it made me want to keep the business side going.So thats my attachment in a way.

“ flowers to your home and work, nice dinners, always calling and wanting to see you and full on wanting to be in your life.” sounds like classic love bombing.

@Fallagain

I guess he has to be super nice knowing type of baggage he comes with.Only way.

[quote user1481055867]@ChargingBuck

I have blocked him..[/quote]
Well done!

As to the financial investments - can you safeguard this by switching to another financial advisor?

@ChargingBuck

We havent spoken since i sent that message and he hasnt come back from Europe yet, but in my mind its over...I think he is just waiting till he gets back to address it.

What do you mean - "address it"?
There's nothing to address. He is dumped.
Or are you waiting for his permission to finish the relationship?

since i started to discuss it, its been a bit miserable to be honest and knowing he will probably start his attempts to fix things as soon as he lands, hope not.

FFS. Why are you being so passive?
There is no need to "hope" for anything. You seem to be under the impression that you need to negotiate. You don't. He's dumped - so now block him.

You don't even like this man. Why you are hanging around twisting yourself in knots about his response, when a response is totally unnecessary?
Again - you don't need his permission. You don't need his agreement. You don't need to ever hear from him again.

I don't understand this either.

@user1481055867 I am starting to think you have extensive finances so tied up with this man that you fear he'll walk with all your money if you don't keep giving him what he wants.

A Prince! Well done. Do you want to live like these other unfortunate women? You should be running in the opposite direction. Now.

@user1481055867 - seems like you're in a good position to detach from him in all ways apart from the investments then.

Do you have a solicitor or financial advisor (or even a good friend!) who could become an intermediary with him regarding those investments? I feel that you should make this a complete break and have no further interaction with him, as much as possible. But even if you have to continue to do it yourself, you need to make it cold, clinical and business-like whenever you do have to contact him. Give him ZERO encouragement or feeling that he has any way back in at all. Do not go out for dinner, drinks, anything - and don't let him into your house again either.

I know you know and understand this, but sometimes it does help when other people tell you as well. Stay strong - you can do this!

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

I do.Thank you!