Partner visiting children with his exes in their homes

[user1481055867]

My partner of 2 years works and lives in UK, but his kids from 2 previous relationships live in European capital with his 2 exes, in his homes with 2 kids each - all of primary school ages from 3-10.
The short of the story is that he visits them few weekends a month (1 per family) , birthdays and key holidays staying in their respective homes for duration of his stay. He owns those properties and comes and goes with his own keys as he pleases and does not allow his exes to bring boyfriends into his homes. His explanation that economically this set up makes sense as those women are unable to secure rent in their financial situation and since they were not married legal avenue is more problematic for all parties.
I guess at first, I couldn’t really say much, but as we get more serious I want to make it clear that I am not ok with him playing families with one ex and 2 kids during Xmas and then another for New Year, while I am back in UK feeling strange not knowing how to explain to family and friends the whereabouts of my partner during entire holidays.

I am pretty sure long-term I cannot tolerate this, but I don’t want to make a big fuss, as a mother I understand kids must come first. His previous girlfriend left him due to complexity of this situation and I am quite close, but I never had to deal with parenting set up in this way and dont want to be unreasonable.

Has anyone experienced something similar and is this at all acceptable?

@user1481055867

He claims they could have relationships, but not when living in his homes, knowing they cannot afford to move and its hard to date as a single mum in a city with 2 small kids...He also said they both harbor hope he will return.I didnt mention the kids are not of consecutive ages but mixed across both relationships.

Oh fucking hell ... "Wives" was the wrong word, I should have said concubines. Don't be the next.

And does he pay child support?

Sorry but are you completely blind .he is
working here going home to his family every two weeks probably playing everyone off against each other. He has one wife and two mistresses how can you seriously not see this
Unless you have met the other exes you are definitely the other woman ,

Why on earth are you with him?

I would bet good money that he's married to at least one of these women and that neither of them know you (or each other) exist.

Open your eyes.

You either want to be wife number 3, or you want to flee. There is no in-between here. I know I'd be fleeing

Oh god no.

So he provides a house but not enough real financial support for these women to be able to move on. He was basically sleeping with them both overlapping each other and now has regular sleepovers.

Im usually accused of being in the cool wives club but NO.

He sounds like a control freak with a massive sack of potatoes on his shoulder about Al these women who want him. He may not be having sex with them, but he enjoys knowing they want it, or convincing you they want it.

Oh dear god, you can not be serious? Those poor women and children. How can you date a creep like that?

Does he ejaculate champagne?

Why on earth are you putting up with this?

Two ‘wives’, Two homes and you who he sees while he works here.

I am pretty sure long-term I cannot tolerate this

Good call - the way he is exerting control over his XPs through finances is really shitty.

Do not get pregnant. Do start planning the split up,- because if you know you can't tolerate it long term, you may as well get rid new,

Sod that he sounds terrible! Why haven't you ran away already?

You’re concentrating on the wrong issue.

He sounds like an abusive arse and I’m struggling to see why you want to be with someone who treats their exes in this way.

We will see you here in the future, every other week if you stay with this man.

The issue for me from your post isn't that he's involved with his kids but that he is abusing the women financially by deciding who they may and not see. If that's not your biggest issue, it should be

What do you see in this man

Never mind not tolerating this in the long-term...why are you even still with him now?!?

So he has kids over lapping he has 3 women on the go got to hand it to him he is some charmer why are you not embarrassed to be writing this honestly is this a joke or what.

@BooksAndGin

His ex left him because they are his wife's. You can't be that blind op.

I guess I needed to hear it from someone else to get my eyesight back. He is explaining it away by their economic dependency on him and making me feel sorry about the kids as ultimately he is doing it for them and so on...

I'm also curious in what sense he is your "partner", unless you just meant it in the boyfriend sense. Does he have a place of his own in the UK, or did he very quickly move in with you while continuing to invest in his European properties?

I wonder if they know they're exes?

Why else would they accept not being able to bring partners into their homes?

Eh? So weird on so many levels.

You not seeing him on Xmas is the least of your worries.

I can't believe he isn't sleeping with these women, still.
It wouldn't suit me, at all, this strange lifestyle.

@ANameChangeAgain

I think we all know you can do better than this controlling misogynist.

This, run like the wind🏃‍♀️

Not sure where that emoji came from.
But seriously OP he sounds terrifyingly controlling, a very odd dynamic.

FFS leave this shit show.

Yes I know someone who had a situation like this.

Her partner had several families on the go.

He managed to get control of her house and her finances.

Unfortunately she had kids with this arsehole before discovering how devious he is.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Sod that he sounds terrible! Why haven't you ran away already?

I have broken up with him for most of lockdown, but he proposed to get back and as soon as we have barely gotten back this holiday adventure with 2 families is happening right now.