Not want to give DP’s son my car

[Cardilemma]

For context;
Been with DP 6 years, we live together and have a joint account for joint finances we pay. Other bills we pay individually and keep what’s left after (much the same). We have one DC together and his DS is 18.

So to the point of the thread..
DP’s son is due to sit his driving test soon. I recently got a new car and still have the old one, it’s not worth much to sell but would give someone a good turn as a first car. DP and I have paid for our own cars separately but are insured to drive each other’s and often do. Technically separate in way of ownership and having paid for but very much used mutually. DP had expressed he would like to give his son the car.

I however don’t. I have a niece similar age who I’m very close to (my twin’s DD) and is also doing her driving lessons but not quite ready for test yet. She has always been a massive part of my life and has also been a huge part of my own DD life, from baby sitting a few hours here and there to taking her out to the park etc. She’s been brilliant with her.

DP’s son on the other hand I’ve never had much a relationship with, he stayed with his dad (and me when we moved in together) every weekend but they two would usually spend weekend out together and I worked shifts so wasn’t always home. We did do somethings together but it was clear he’d rather spend the time at football etc with his dad so I left them to it. He stopped staying regularly when he was about 16 and just started visiting as we only live a bus ride away. He’s never expressed any interested in our DD (which is fine, I get babies and toddlers aren’t usually teenage boy’s thing)

So my dilemma is, I worked hard to pay for that car and if I was to give my car away for free to anyone I would rather it be my DNiece.

AIBU for wanting to say no?

Of course not. Say no. What’s the worst that’ll happen?

Why not just say sorry dp I’ve promised it to dneice?

It’s your car, give it to whoever you want.

Dp can always buy his son another cheap runaround.

'Sorry, I'd already decided to give the car to my neice when she's ready, that's why I've kept hold of it'.

No need for further discussion, I don't see that it is wrong of your DP to ask... but once told no, you have other plans that should be an end to it, without any huffy grumpiness.

Of course not. Say no. What’s the worst that’ll happen?

I think I’m just worried it will make me seem a bit horrible to give it to my niece and not his son

YANBU. Just tell him straight.

Has your DP mentioned it?

Just say no, youve already planned o give it to your niece. Its nit a tricky situation at all. If he reacts badly, that shows who he is not you.

He probably won’t be happy about it but it’s your car

Sorry, I need my glasses on, I see that he has. Did you say anything? Why would you give it to him? Surely if you’ve bought cars separately, your DP will pay for his ds’s car or supposing get one?

Thats a really tough call but ultimately I voted for your niece. As a step mum who could be a permanent fixture in a boy's life (weddings, funerals, christenings, lots of birthdays etc) it doesnt really help you bond. 6 years through someone's teenage years, albeit an antisocial teen, is a long time.

But your niece sounds very close and you say he's your partner not husband

Has your dp asked?

You sell the car or you give it to DS. I really don’t think you can give it to your niece. It just seems a bit bitchy. Of course you can do what you want but it is a bit mean.

Has your DP mentioned it?

He mentioned wanting to give him it in conversation regarding his lessons and test, then kept speaking so he didn’t really ask me as such.
I hadn’t totally decided if I was giving the car away but had considered giving it to niece when she passed, so I hadn’t mentioned it to him yet.

I would tell your DP that you're "selling" it to your DN.

@PersonaNonGarter

Yes this was my worry, because I hadn’t mentioned giving it to my niece yet I had feared it would come across bitchy to do it now.

Do you think it will cause a row?
Regardless just say it has been promised to your dn.

I think you should give it to your DP’s son. You’re together and as far as possible, are supposed to treat his DS as your own. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want him to give it to your DC?

Your SS is due to sit his test soon so hopefully, will be ready to drive soon. Your DN could be a while away from using the car.

If the car isn’t going to fetch much if sold, just give it to him. Maybe you could save and give something to your niece towards a car.

Just say to your dp 'you mentioned the other day about your ds having my old car, I'd already decided to give it to dn. thought I best let you know before you mentioned it to your ds.

Tough one, I can understand why you'd want to give to your niece.

However, you have a DC with your DP, so I assume you see yourself with him for the long term? If so, I would think carefully before you choose another teenager over his son - it may come back to bit you later if he sees it as you prioristing someone else.

I think it will look a bit odd not to give to your stepson but I’m an outsider … only you know if it will look that way with your family dynamics.

In what universe would you be unreasonable for saying no?

You need to tell him so he doesn't promise it to his son. If he hasn't already.

DSS can buy it off you if he wants, or DN could. I'm not really into teens being handed cars etc on a plate.

Tell him that you've already offered it to your niece.

I have a niece through my own twin sister- it’s almost like having a bonus-child since we’re so close as siblings. It’s lovely and I value the bond in a similar kind of way as the one with my own dc.

Your DP wants to do like a whole Bounty of Plenty thing without having to actually pay or arrange for it. You paid for the car and maintained it all these years, you decide where it goes.