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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Please don’t move near us!

273 replies

Logabog432 · 02/01/2022 11:27

So my husband has a couple he is friends with. We’ve known them for a long time and he is good friends with the husband. The wife and I actively dislike each other and have for a number of years, it’s very complicated on both ends and we’ve both been rather unpleasant to each other, with her being particularly nasty when I had a miscarriage recently. (My husband told her husband years ago that I had an abortion when we were both at university and he told her. She had the audacity to suggest it was “karma”!!!!!!)

She’s also one of those “perfect” mums who has a family Instagram account, doesn’t work and is absolutely gorgeous but is very Judit if parents don’t do things the same way as her. She just generally makes me feel quite shitty and inadequate.

My husband and I live in a small village where we are very active in the community and it is a “everyone knows everyone” kind of place where you are always bumping into people you know at the pub, doctors, post office etc. We’ve lived here for 9 years and have a really lovely life, I’ve got a group of mum friends I meet regularly at the cafe close to us, go to baby group…

This couple I detest are literally moving two doors down. I am livid. I know they can move where they like so it’s unreasonable, but I feel like they are invading my community that I live being part of. Why would you want to live so close to someone you really don’t like? I can’t bear the thought of regularly seeing someone that makes me feel so shit, let alone them become part of my mum group (I’m on may leave and she’s about to have another baby) It’s like they are invading my safe space.

To be honest I know I’m being a bit unreasonable but I needed to vent

OP posts:
Logabog432 · 02/01/2022 11:27

*very judgy

OP posts:
CruCru · 02/01/2022 11:35

That sounds awful.

You may feel really uncomfortable having them move so close. However I wonder if the wife will also feel uncomfortable - moving into an area where someone she dislikes is well thought of will be quite strange.

You’ve mentioned that she’s judgy - I’ll bet you aren’t the only person who feels judged by her. Does your husband know that you don’t like each other? I’m sure it seems obvious to you but I wonder if he’s assumed that you will automatically be friends as the men are. It might be worth pointing this out to him.

You don’t have to have her round or go to their house. The men’s friendship doesn’t have to be your business or problem.

ItsFuckingJuneDadQuickHide · 02/01/2022 11:35

Yeah, you are but I'd feel the same.

PurpleThursdays · 02/01/2022 11:35

Just ignore op. Say nothing, keep your dignity.

bananasinchristmaspyjamas · 02/01/2022 11:36

Poor you, I'd feel the same Sad

PegasusReturns · 02/01/2022 11:39

This won’t be popular but I hope you have a plan because if you don’t she is going to be the one meeting your mum friends in that cafe weekly.

Notonthestairs · 02/01/2022 11:40

Totally unreasonable but understandable.

I would say that if you've found her hard work then it's likely others will too (eventually). Personally I wouldn't be able to be friends with anyone that think miscarriages are in anyway linked to "karma". She'll out herself in due course.

heldinadream · 02/01/2022 11:41

Well I gasped at the thought that she could even think, let alone voice, that your miscarriage is karma for your abortion. I'm not surprised you don't want her anywhere near you.
She sounds horrible and no friend to women.
Daffodil sorry for the losses OP.

Feelsunfair · 02/01/2022 11:42

@PegasusReturns

This won’t be popular but I hope you have a plan because if you don’t she is going to be the one meeting your mum friends in that cafe weekly.
A plan for what? Get her ostracized?
Waftypants · 02/01/2022 11:43

Oh dear, you have my sympathy. I think you might have to find a way of tolerating one another in social company. Does your DH know how much you dislike one another? If not you'll have to let him know or life will be intolerable

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 11:43

To you it's someone you strongly dislike. I suspect though through what you say that this woman views most people as she views you so it would be no different to living beside anyone else. YANBU to hate the thought though

Elodeastar · 02/01/2022 11:53

Ignore her, don't do anything that might make you look like you are the one with the problem, even though it seems you both have a problem with each other.

bozzabollix · 02/01/2022 11:54

Oh god what a nightmare. I have a similar thing with my husband’s old school friend, if they moved two doors away I’d dread it.

Why the eff are they doing it? Are they aware of your feelings? How small is the village?

Chamomileteaplease · 02/01/2022 11:54

How far along the moving process are they? I am wondering if they can pull out?

Why hasn't your husband asked his friend not to move there? He needs to protect you from this woman Sad.

Sorry to say but I can imagine your mental health plummeting if this goes ahead. Does your husband not realise the impact this could have on your family's lives?

poissonrouge1 · 02/01/2022 11:55

My advice, be civil and say nothing about her to your group of friends in your town. If anyone mentions her then smile and say “yes I know her” and change the conversation. DO NOT get dragged into slagging her off or saying what she’s like.

She’ll be seen for who she is soon enough.

DropYourSword · 02/01/2022 11:59

I can’t imagine asking someone not to move into a house they are planning to buy would really be enough to dissuade them, would it?!

BendicksBittermints4Breakfast · 02/01/2022 11:59

Remember the song, 'You say most when you say nothing at all', a little 'knowing' smile also adds to the effect!

PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 12:00

@Chamomileteaplease

How far along the moving process are they? I am wondering if they can pull out?

Why hasn't your husband asked his friend not to move there? He needs to protect you from this woman Sad.

Sorry to say but I can imagine your mental health plummeting if this goes ahead. Does your husband not realise the impact this could have on your family's lives?

I can’t imagine anyone pulling out of a house purchase because their friend asked them to. Unfortunately whether you like the wife or not they can move wherever they like.
PeaceONoeuf · 02/01/2022 12:01

Wtf is your husband doing sharing your intimate medical history. I would probably leave mine if he did that. Off topic but put a stop to him being such a blabbermouth right away.

Chilver · 02/01/2022 12:04

It sucks, definitely but you should take the moral high ground on this one: say nothing to your friends barring 'my husband is good friends with her husband/ I know her' and just go about your life. We barely see our neighbours ours so hopefully you can do likewise!

I would however get your DH onside and set some ground rules, like no 'open house' for his friend (and therefore friend's wife); arranged meet ups outside of your house only etc etc

user1493494961 · 02/01/2022 12:04

Your DH has probably told his friend about the lovely life you have where you live.

Logabog432 · 02/01/2022 12:05

@PeaceONoeuf

Wtf is your husband doing sharing your intimate medical history. I would probably leave mine if he did that. Off topic but put a stop to him being such a blabbermouth right away.
He told the husband ages ago as they are old friends and then obviously it got back to her through the husband. I wasn’t that happy but to be fair I tell my friends things in confidence and wouldn’t begrudge them telling their OH (as long as that person was trustworthy!) but thought it was very shitty of her and a real “low blow” as it were
OP posts:
LadyCluck · 02/01/2022 12:05

YANBU - I’d probably feel the same as you do.

Nathlash · 02/01/2022 12:06

Hang in, there must be missing background here. Is it not obvious to both men how much you and this woman dislike one another? Don’t you talk about it to your DH? Did no one from the other couple ever happen to mention viewing the house for sake second next door to you, if the men are close friends? Why would she want to move to be an immediate neighbour of someone she loathes?

LadyCluck · 02/01/2022 12:07

I would however get your DH onside and set some ground rules, like no 'open house' for his friend (and therefore friend's wife); arranged meet ups outside of your house only etc etc

Agree with this.

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