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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU about adult stepsons behaviour?

324 replies

Imabouttoexplode · 02/01/2022 09:19

i have very little experience of older teenagers living at home, so i have no real frame of reference as to whether this is typical behaviour or not but i am at boiling point and am very close to exploding. Partners son is between jobs, so living here at the mo. Its my house and partner is also living here temporarily. Stepson is behaving like kevin the teenager. Hes 20 but is sloping round, staying in his room all day, makes a mess and does absolutely nothing in terms of clearing up etc. Hes borderline rude towards me but his father thinks the sun shines ooha so he never pulls him up. Hes sullen, moody and this hulking great presence. He leaves fag ash and cigarette buts on the floor. I've been nothing but welcoming, although I'm pretty much now avoiding him and so we don't really speak. Last night, through the open bedroom window, I heard him taking a pee in the back garden, in the drain right under the kitchen window. It feels like the final straw and a total lack of respect. So aibu or is this pretty standard? His father will side with him if I say anything.

OP posts:
Kebabandchipsplease · 02/01/2022 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theendisnow · 02/01/2022 09:21

Time for them both to leave if his father isn’t going to back you up

Normski67 · 02/01/2022 09:22

No, not standard.

2TurtleDovesInARow · 02/01/2022 09:23

Age and relationship is irrelevant. I can't think of anyone I would accept this behaviour from.

KaptainKaveman · 02/01/2022 09:24

Grow a backbone and call him out on his vile behaviour. There is no way this is acceptable from anyone, let alone an adult. It's your house OP. You know what you need to do. Looks like your partner has chosen him over you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2022 09:26

Time for them both to leave. It’s your home! Why are you putting up with two moochers who treat you with so much disrespect?

Even it was normal, and it’s not, it’s your house and only your opinion matters.

Get your house back!

Wishtherewasmore · 02/01/2022 09:27

Time for him to leave immediately, and your partner should probably too. They can both find somewhere to live in squalor together seeing as they think this kind of behaviour is acceptable, let alone in someone else’s home.

PoppyFleur · 02/01/2022 09:27

Not standard and very disrespectful. I would be embarrassed if my son behaved like that, it doesn’t reflect well on the father that he cannot see this poor behaviour. He surely can’t be blind to cigarette ash and butts left on the floor of your home?

Imabouttoexplode · 02/01/2022 09:28

Partner isn't like this at all. Clean, tidy, pulls his weight (domestically......we have other issues).

OP posts:
kweeble · 02/01/2022 09:28

Tell them both it’s time to go

AsYouWishButtercup · 02/01/2022 09:29

Who is voting YABU?! I want to speak to the people who think it’s fine to leave fag butts in the house and piss in the garden Hmm

girlmom21 · 02/01/2022 09:29

I'd tell them both to leave. Your partner is as disrespectful as his son by not pulling him up on his shitty behaviour.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 02/01/2022 09:30

You're absolutely not being unreasonable, Cigarette ash and ends on the floor is disgusting, as is peeing anywhere but the loo. Time for them both to leave, don't overthink it. If this is a standard your partner will accept for his adult son's behaviour whilst you're kind enough to put them.both up, then he's no gentleman.

Startrooper · 02/01/2022 09:30

Your house, your rules - so shape up or ship out. Although it sounds to be like they are abusing your generous nature letting them stay there - I’d guess they aren’t contributing financially either too. Give them notice to leave immediately.

girlmom21 · 02/01/2022 09:30

@AsYouWishButtercup

Who is voting YABU?! I want to speak to the people who think it’s fine to leave fag butts in the house and piss in the garden Hmm
Some twat who always thinks step parents are in the wrong is my guess. Or some knob who's going to say 'YABU for letting him stay in the first place' Hmm
Madre1972 · 02/01/2022 09:30

And what do you get out of this set up?

I’d be getting rid of them both, have enough respect for yourself to not tolerate this crap.

Imabouttoexplode · 02/01/2022 09:32

@Startrooper

Your house, your rules - so shape up or ship out. Although it sounds to be like they are abusing your generous nature letting them stay there - I’d guess they aren’t contributing financially either too. Give them notice to leave immediately.
Partner contributes financially, yes, although I don't need him to.
OP posts:
SpacePotato · 02/01/2022 09:34

You're being used.
Tell them both to go.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2022 09:38

He’s letting his son treat your home with contempt. You’re defending him when he’s the one letting his adult child live like a pig. Why?

longwayoff · 02/01/2022 09:39

What a pair! Come on OP, you don't have to ask if he is BU. Time for a firm word. Or two. Would you tolerate this from anyone else? No. Nor should his father, utter disrespect from both. Good luck but change this, if you don't he'll be borrowing money and bringing friends back soon, friends with similar standards. Ugh. No.

Whammyyammy · 02/01/2022 09:56

Not standard or normal behaviour at all. Hrs not a child, he's an adult. Both DSS and partner sound like cock lodgers and the DSS should leave immediate.
Pissing in your garden shows how much respect he has for you and your home.
He'd be gone this morning if I was you.

TooWicked · 02/01/2022 09:58

“Between jobs” eh! Sounds exactly the type that will spend the majority of his life “between jobs”.

Time for him to go.

BooksAndGin · 02/01/2022 10:00

Time for him to go.

BrilliantBetty · 02/01/2022 10:00

How long is this set up expected to last?
Tell OH he and his son will have to find somewhere else as this isn't working for you, you like a bit of space and 3 people there is too many for you.

He can then decide whether they both go or if he asks his son to go (and maybe helps him find something).

Give it another two weeks maximum.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 02/01/2022 10:03

Time for both to leave

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