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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a baby your husband doesn't won't

233 replies

PullItUp · 01/01/2022 20:33

Has anyone been through this?

Pregnant with a baby that wasn't planned that your husband doesn't want but you do? What do you do?

OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 01/01/2022 20:35

Looks like divorce sooner or later

Original poster
PullItUp · 01/01/2022 20:36

Doesn't want that was meant to be!

OP posts:
jackstini · 01/01/2022 20:37

You do what you want

Ok it wasn't planned but it's happening now. It's your body and you who has to live with the decisions

Sorry you are in a difficult situation Thanks

FancySomeChips · 01/01/2022 20:37

You need to make the decision that is right for you. Not him.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/01/2022 20:38

You make the decision that is right for you, it is then upto him what he wants but there is the possibility that he leaves you and the baby - make sure he pays for the child though!

BooksAndGin · 01/01/2022 20:39

Happened to me and my DH, soon as he was born he fell in love with him right away.

Doesn't always happen though so it's down to you.

Notimeforaname · 01/01/2022 20:39

You do as you wish. Leave him and have your baby.

Coasterfan · 01/01/2022 20:40

Do what you want to do and what is right for you. Personally i would ditch the husband and keep the baby if it came down to it, I enjoy being a mum way more than any other relationships I have!

ThePrionOne · 01/01/2022 20:40

I continued and ex-H did love the baby when it came. It was a horribly negative experience though, knowing he didn’t want it. Sorry you’re going through it.

uhohspaghettiohh · 01/01/2022 20:41

Keep the baby.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/01/2022 20:41

You decide whether you want the baby (even alone), and let the husband know he can be on board or he can leave.

AlwaysNapTime · 01/01/2022 20:42

Happened to us. Dh delivered her himself at home and fell instantly in love. Not saying this is the same for everyone though.

iolaus · 01/01/2022 20:42

With my youngest I did consider termination - then I realised that while I could live without my husband I couldn't live with me if I went through with something I really didn't want to

However once I'd made that decision he did support me (and if anything that child is the one he's closest to)

BrutusMcDogface · 01/01/2022 20:43

What everyone else had said. If you want the baby, you must have him or her, because you’d never forgive yourself (or him) if you felt pressured into a termination.

However, be prepared that your relationship might not survive it.

Sorry you’re going through this Flowers

Justgettingbye · 01/01/2022 20:44

What number child is it? Have you got some already?

Essentially it's your decision and body. Don't think I could terminate but no judgement to those who have at all

BriannaDannaDingDong · 01/01/2022 20:49

I had a termination in this exact situation. It is the biggest regret of my life.

My husband told me that he didn't think our marriage could survive another child, and I was too afraid to be alone with a baby and two older children. He and I have since separated, so our marriage didn't survive anyway.

It is your body, your baby, and your decision.

WeAllHaveWings · 01/01/2022 21:03

You either keep the baby and he resents it. Or terminate and you resent it.

Either way it is a tough one your marriage might not survive, you need to talk and see if either of you genuinely changes their position and if not decide turn you decide what is best for you knowing the potential consequences.

Good luck.

JulieMcVie · 01/01/2022 21:05

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Popetthetreehugger · 01/01/2022 21:06

Many years ago my lovely friend had a surprise 3rd child . Her husband was not happy . Her family weren’t happy …. Once their son arrived it was great . All forgotten. Good luck

Porcupineintherough · 01/01/2022 21:07

You make a decision for you, bearing in mind the possibility that you might be doing it as a single mother. Ime though, if your marriage is solid he'll probably come round once he's over the shock.

IncompleteSenten · 01/01/2022 21:07

You decide whether or not you want to continue with the pregnancy
You accept that he may choose to leave.
But have an abortion you don't want and you will likely never forgive him so the relationship would be doomed anyway

Redshoeblueshoe · 01/01/2022 21:10

Julie I don't understand your post. Are you saying she should have an abortion because her husband doesn't want the baby ?

Original poster
PullItUp · 01/01/2022 21:10

@Justgettingbye

What number child is it? Have you got some already?

Essentially it's your decision and body. Don't think I could terminate but no judgement to those who have at all

It would be child number 2 for me and 4 for him.
OP posts:
KittensTeaAndCake · 01/01/2022 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ.We've removed this because it quotes a previsously deleted post.

curlii103 · 01/01/2022 21:12

I mean i would have the baby but depends on lots of factors!