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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a baby your husband doesn't won't

233 replies

PullItUp · 01/01/2022 20:33

Has anyone been through this?

Pregnant with a baby that wasn't planned that your husband doesn't want but you do? What do you do?

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 01/01/2022 21:56

Your body, your decision. He should have had a vasectomy if he really didn't want any more children. Mothering is not the same as fathering - follow your instincts on how YOU feel about termination as you're the only who will live with that decision.

IncompleteSenten · 01/01/2022 21:57

@sst1234

So you are going to trick him? How exactly will this baby come about without his consent?
What do you mean how will the baby come about without his consent? She's pregnant with it right now.

She doesn't actually need his consent to continue with the pregnancy. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but he can't drag her to an abortion clinic and demand they remove it.

Are you that Julie creature under another name or is this an organised mission?

Starcup · 01/01/2022 21:58

You do what you want to do. If you go ahead with the pregnancy then don’t assume he’ll not ask for a divorce

Starcup · 01/01/2022 21:58

Good luck op

Notbluepeter · 01/01/2022 21:58

Why do men who do not want children not take some bloody personal responsibility and get a vasectomy.
This happened to me and DH. He wanted me to abort and was incredibly callous during my pregnancy to punish me. I got severe peri natal depression. I am surprised i am still here. We are still together but it is not a fairy tale.

GoodnightGrandma · 01/01/2022 22:01

Yes, do what you want.
If he doesn’t want more kids he needs to get the snip.

Goodnessrosee · 01/01/2022 22:02

@JulieMcVie

Wow, the self-entitlement here is disgusting. That would-be child has a right to a father. Fed up with this "men are dispensible" line that's becoming evermore commonplace. Shame on you all.
Huh? The child does have a father. It's just up to that father how active a role they take.

OP, keep your baby.

WonderfulYou · 01/01/2022 22:06

You decide whether or not you want to continue with the pregnancy
You accept that he may choose to leave.
But have an abortion you don't want and you will likely never forgive him so the relationship would be doomed anyway

I completely agree.

It’s awful but you need to decide what’s more important another baby or your husband.

You can choose to keep the baby and lose your husband and basically become a single parent.
Or abort the baby and keep your husband. But know it could strain the relationship so much that the relationship ends anyway but you still don’t have a baby either.

I do know a couple of people who kept the baby thinking their partners would change their minds but they didn’t.

Have you ever talked about having more children?
Is it something you wanted or would you rather it happened at a later stage?

Sue345 · 01/01/2022 22:11

He had the pleasure so he should accept the outcome

PrincessNutella · 01/01/2022 22:12

wow, why didn't he control his sperm if he didn't want babies.

Sue345 · 01/01/2022 22:13

He had the pleasure so he should accept the outcome

WhoAre · 01/01/2022 22:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

diddl · 01/01/2022 22:14

Is it that he never wanted another with you at all or just not yet?

PrincessNutella · 01/01/2022 22:14

I think he forgot not to have sex three months ago. Oops!

me4real · 01/01/2022 22:15

I got pregnant and my then partner was not very on board with it at first, which was hurtful.

He came round to the idea after a week or two, though.

I had a missed miscarriage in the end, but I never forgot what he was like when we found out I was pregnant. It wasn't why we eventually split up, but it didn't impress me.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 01/01/2022 22:16

Then he should have taken steps to ensure he couldn't father another child if he wasn't ready or didn't want one at all.

That ship has now sailed. He made his decision to take the chance, so now the decision is yours, OP. If you want the baby, have the baby.

BasicDad · 01/01/2022 22:17

But the "Husband had a vasectomy and never told me 😭" thread was quite in favour of OP and her husband being a twat for making his own decisions.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4437676-Husband-had-a-vasectomy-and-never-told-me

LethargicActress · 01/01/2022 22:18

Exactly how ‘unplanned’ was the pregnancy? Can he even afford 4 children?

With those questions and plenty of others in mind, I can see why he’s freaking out, but ultimately having this baby is up to you.

christmaskittenincoming · 01/01/2022 22:20

Was your 1st planned?

Sue345 · 01/01/2022 22:21

He took part in making a baby why did he not use a condom or some other contraceptive both mum and dad need to take responsibility

Nenemum · 01/01/2022 22:21

Keep the baby is my personal opinion being against abortion, but my forum opinion is ‘do what you want to do’.
Husband might come around nicely to a new baby eventually, but will feel eternally distrustful of you probably.

ikeepseeingit · 01/01/2022 22:21

@BasicDad

But the "Husband had a vasectomy and never told me 😭" thread was quite in favour of OP and her husband being a twat for making his own decisions.

[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am]]iibeingunreasonable/4437676-Husband-had-a-vasectomy-and-never-told-me

Are you aware that accidental pregnancy and purposeful vasectomies are different things?
Cam77 · 01/01/2022 22:23

I think he forgot not to have sex three months ago. Oops!

He had the pleasure so he should accept the outcome

The woman gets to make the decision and that is absolutely correct. But these responses are stupid. Would you say them to a woman considering an abortion?

SarahAndQuack · 01/01/2022 22:23

@sst1234

So you are going to trick him? How exactly will this baby come about without his consent?
WTF? A pregnant woman doesn't need the father's consent not to terminate, we're not living in the Handmaid's Tale.
Babyroobs · 01/01/2022 22:24

If the baby is wanted by you then of course you should have it. Chances are he will love it just the same as the others.

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