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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being obese affects your friendships

245 replies

Shockedmama · 01/01/2022 07:15

Interested to see if this is true for others?
Does being obese affect friendships? Is less sociable, thinking people don’t want to be friends with you, seen with you?
Less physically able?

Interested to hear from people who are not obese too ?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 01/01/2022 07:17

It doesn’t affect my friendships at all

shouldistop · 01/01/2022 07:21

One of my friends is obese and I suppose it slightly affects our friendship as she's not able to do certain things. We couldn't go to the Christmas markets as she isn't fit enough to walk around them for very long. There's certain places she avoids as the seats are too small etc. She avoids going out for meals with people as she's embarrassed to eat in public. She couldn't meet up with people for a long walk when that was the only socialisation you were allowed. It also makes her very unhappy so that will affect every aspect of her life.

Emerald5hamrock · 01/01/2022 07:29

It might be a confidence issue over obesity itself.
I am not overweight, I've similar issues with friendships I'm antisocial these days.
I have two very overweight friends, their shape does not impact on the friendship at all, it is only a shell, one of them is very glamorous and always looks fabulous.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/01/2022 07:29

@shouldistop

One of my friends is obese and I suppose it slightly affects our friendship as she's not able to do certain things. We couldn't go to the Christmas markets as she isn't fit enough to walk around them for very long. There's certain places she avoids as the seats are too small etc. She avoids going out for meals with people as she's embarrassed to eat in public. She couldn't meet up with people for a long walk when that was the only socialisation you were allowed. It also makes her very unhappy so that will affect every aspect of her life.
She must be very overweight then!

I'm obese according to BMI and I can lift heavy weights and walk for hours.

shouldistop · 01/01/2022 07:30

She must be very overweight then!

She is.

Piggyk2 · 01/01/2022 07:32

When you say obese it depends how big really. I think if your meaning someone heavily over weight I definitely think it could affect new friendships if you don't already have an established network. Although if you have made friends and then gained a lot of weight I don't think the weight would affect the friendship so much.

easyluckyfree · 01/01/2022 07:33

My best mate is obese. We’ve been best friends for like 8 years and it’s never affected our friendship.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/01/2022 07:35

Obese is a wide category. I'm 4 stone over my ideal weight but a size 16 and very fit and mobile. I guess what you mean is morbidly obese to the point where it affects mobility?

LaBellina · 01/01/2022 07:36

I’m not obese but a friend of mine is (we’re both the exact same height but her weight is literally twice as mine to give you an idea).
It has never affected our friendship in any other way then that I don’t get to complain about weight gain or she’ll berate me about what it’s like to actually be overweight. Other then that, no difference whatsoever and I don’t care what my friends look like or how much they weight.

Emerald5hamrock · 01/01/2022 07:38

The friendships I mentioned are tipping 6/7 stone overweight.
Considering a 16 is the average, most people are slightly overweight.
I think OP means in the morbidly obese category?

UseOfWeapons · 01/01/2022 07:44

Two of my best friends, and my sister, are obese, and it has never affected our relationships at all.
My friends both have medical issues which prevent them for being able to do some of the physically active things we used to do together, but it means we spend time chatting on the sofa with cake! My sister is vey fit and active and it doesn’t stop her doing anything.

I value them all for the friends, and the sister they are, and as vibrant, creative, kind and supportive women. As I get older there are things that can’t do, or don’t want to do, so it comes to the same thing. If you love your friends, it’s the spending time together that’s so precious, not what you do, or what size you are.

Frequency · 01/01/2022 07:45

I care for people who are medically obese to the point they are physically unable to perform self care. That kind of obesity is always caused by mental health or learning difficulties (I have tried to many times to frame this in a politically correct way, please forgive me).

They are still able to maintain social relationships, which would suggest it is confidence issue and not a weight issue. I am obese myself but not to the point I cannot physically care for myself. I have friends and a social life but very low confidence.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 01/01/2022 07:46

A very good friend of mine is obese. It doesn’t affect our friendship at all and I love her to bits. However she is young and can go anywhere, doesn’t affect her walking she is relatively fit and healthy just overweight.
My MIL is also obese and it does affect her/our relationship. She can’t be physically active with the children, won’t/can’t go for walks so tricky with lockdowns and as she gets older we can see the impact on her health.

SNUG2022 · 01/01/2022 07:50

I think it affects everything on some level, whether you realise it or not.

Nonimai · 01/01/2022 07:53

I don’t think that obesity affects current friendships but it might make it slightly harder to make friends but that would perhaps be down to self- worth, confidence issues, which really could apply to anybody what ever size. I’m very obese and tbh over the years the thing that severely affected my friendships is giving up alcohol. I wasn’t an alcoholic, but I didn’t appreciate how social drinking was so linked to my friendship group.

SusannaQueen · 01/01/2022 07:54

My DH is morbidly obese and yes it does affect our relationship and his friendships (a lot).
We don't do any physical activities, he won't go on walks or bike rides, anywhere that involves walking or standing. His feet get sore and swell. He constantly has ailments related to his weight. Won't swim either.
Really all he will do is go to the pub or restaurants.
Yes, it limits his friendships, he is tired all the time, never has any energy to do extra activities that could involve meeting new people.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/01/2022 08:01

I had tipped into the obese weight category but it didn't affect my friendships and I was still physically able. I have lost a stone and am now in the overweight category. Absolutely no one has noticed at all although I feel better and find I can walk uphill more easily.

MakeWayMoana · 01/01/2022 08:01

I’m not sure it’s the obesity but the fitness and self confidence of the obese person - obese people can be fit and active and confident, so in those people I don’t think their friendships are affected. But if you’re an obese person who has really low self confidence and is unfit and struggles with mobility, that would affect your ability to make and maintain friendships

DeepaBeesKit · 01/01/2022 08:04

I had an extremely obese friend at university. It was at times a barrier to friendships, she found cinema or theatre seats uncomfortable so did not ever go there, and was very very unfit, she struggled to walk far and didn't enjoy any active leisure really. She also had a lot of hang ups, constantly thought people were staring at her etc when they werent.

Bellringer · 01/01/2022 08:13

Which came first, obesity or hangups? Any health issues affect us but personality is paramount

Faevern · 01/01/2022 08:24

@SNUG2022

I think it affects everything on some level, whether you realise it or not.
I agree and I think for friendships it’s probably more of a confidence thing than actual not being physically able. Low self esteem is more likely to affect friendships than weight.
FanciedChange · 01/01/2022 08:26

I have an inlaw who is morbidly obese and it affects everything. I agree with PPs who say it's more about the degree of obesity. My inlaw can't go to the cinema because of the chair arms, has to call up venues in advance to check how wide the chairs are/if they have arms, can't walk very far, can't stand for too long etc etc. It means socialising is sort of limited to, as a PP said, sitting on the sofa and eating. Her life is very restricted but she does have friends. In my experience it is a bit like being friends with someone who is disabled (I guess she is actually disabled by her weight). The difference is that it is seen by others as self inflicted so some people aren't very understanding of the accommodations that need to be made for her. I also know people who have said they would be embarrassed to be seen with her socially.

Vampirethriller · 01/01/2022 08:29

I'm 4 stone overweight and obese, it hasn't affected my friendships at all. I've still got the close friends I had when I was thin. I've made friends since being fat, I've got jobs since being fat. I'm very active though and walk a lot, run, work in the allotment and always been confident.

daisychain01 · 01/01/2022 08:36

I don't go by body shape, I go by whether they're a good friend or not.

WheelieBinPrincess · 01/01/2022 08:38

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