Being obese affects your friendships

[Shockedmama]

Interested to see if this is true for others?
Does being obese affect friendships? Is less sociable, thinking people don’t want to be friends with you, seen with you?
Less physically able?

Interested to hear from people who are not obese too ?

I don’t think the op is being goady

Just checked her history

She’s 20 stone and very unhappy

* But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese.*

Surely this is very rare?

@Excitedforthefuture

Because when we get together I’d like to go for a walk and grab a coffee. If we go out for a meal I’d like to do sushi and not drink much at all Weekend away? I’d like to go for walks, swim, drink lightly

It’s all the opposite of what they like
Years ago wasn’t an issue but as the years have passed, they’ve put on weight and seen middle age as almost a reason not to be active

So I’m more with more active friends and they have become closer
Such wonderful friends but goes to show that a shared approach to diet and lifestyle is important to keeping a close friendship going

Those things seem easy to work around for really good friends. Is sushi the only thing you eat? What would they be doing on a weekend away while you were running and swimming?

@Excitedforthefuture

* But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese.*

Surely this is very rare?

No, it really isn't. IME anyway.

I used to train at a gym which was mainly for boxing and lifting. A lot of people there carried extra weight, but we're also very health conscious.

Do you know many obese people? Have you ruled our friendships with them because you assume they won't be able to stretch to eating sushi or doing activities with you? Because that is breath takingly fat phobic. Have we gone back to the nineties here ?

I have a healthy approach to diet and activity… I eat mainly protein and veg, lots of fish, fruit etc (follow a Mediterranean diet). I run 5k a few times a week, go to Pilates class etc. I am obese (just) due to a health condition and medication. I eat and exercise exactly the same as I did at a size 8.

Honestly think some people must live under rocks. Do you know how many people in this country are obese? It's a huge number. And people think all of these people don't have the capacity to go for sushi with the deified thin. Christ on a bike.

And actually, I know some very slim folk who couldn't keep up with me running and woe betide them in a boxing ring, frankly. Not that I would ever fight them! But when it comes to fitness. No. You don't win by being the lightest person there at EVERY sport. Admittedly, if you're doing the Tour de France it is a huge advantage to be very light. But in combat sports, no, it isn't. Hence weight classifications. Honestly I feel as if I'm stating that the sky is blue and the grass is green here as it's so simple and obvious

I'm not obese, but I do know some obese people who would be at least as fit as I am

I have been obese for four years. I have great friends. There are only two of us in our group of ladies who are size 16+.
I recently put on two stone in two months due to medication to save my sight. I hate what I feel like. I have beautiful clothes, a lovely husband and until yesterday a fab job. I am starting a new job this month but due to comments from a recent ex colleague considering weight loss surgery. I do not want to be a burden to my children . My late much missed father was morbidly obese and was very difficult to care for. It will be interesting to see how people treat me if I lose the weight. I have been fat for twenty years.

As an obese person I think it affects me in most things - self esteem wise and in many practical ways eg would t ice skate - huge risk of injury and scared of Covid so don’t socialise much these days.

Obesity is a terribly complicated thing and everyone, including, me is bored stupid of me loosing and gaining 6-10 stone repeatedly.

I do have some good long-standing fat blind friends though 😊

i'm obese, but it doesn't affect my friendships.

What does affect them are my disabilities, because i have limited mobiity (not because i'm fat btw, i have spinal degeneration and arthritis in my hips) and i can't do a lot of walking about, so have to take that into consideration.

I don't have any obese friends. This is not due to any kind of conscious decision on my part but I think the lifestyle I lead and the career I have pursued does not lend itself to meeting very overweight people. I have always been very active and sporty, my job involved working offshore and in other challenging environments that required a certain level of fitness.

@DillonPanthersTexas

You've never worked with someone who looks like Sharon? Even the men you work with? I used to work in an industry with a lot of offshore workers and the men looked this kind of 'chunky'

I think people think obese means very big, when actually a bmi 30 (obese) is quite different to someone who for example can't get around easily due to their weight.

That doesn't mean bmi 30 is ideal, but I genuinely struggle to see how anyone could object to being friends with someone because they just couldn't possibly live a healthy or normal lifestyle. Just sounds utterly nuts

@Piggyk2 it was when I went the other way - down to a size 10 that a few friends seemed deeply offended by my weight loss (it was weird and very unexpected on my side) whereas my true friends were unchanged in their friendship.

@Excitedforthefuture

Because when we get together I’d like to go for a walk and grab a coffee. If we go out for a meal I’d like to do sushi and not drink much at all Weekend away? I’d like to go for walks, swim, drink lightly

It’s all the opposite of what they like
Years ago wasn’t an issue but as the years have passed, they’ve put on weight and seen middle age as almost a reason not to be active

So I’m more with more active friends and they have become closer
Such wonderful friends but goes to show that a shared approach to diet and lifestyle is important to keeping a close friendship going

I'm fat.

I go for walks with friends often. I don't like doing it on my own because it's boring and pointless. I love swimming and I go often.I'm actually a pretty good swimmer. None of my friends fat,skinny or normal like swimming. That's fine as there are other things we can do.There's no way in hell I'd eat sushi(maybe the veggie one with just rice at a stretch) regardless of my weight. If that's all you eat, you're right, eating out together won't be much fun. I only drink on nights out or house parties.

None of your complaints have anything to do with being fat and they're not even that limiting, which probably means the problem is you, not the fat people around you.

Sorry here is sharon

until yesterday a fab job. I am starting a new job this month but due to comments from a recent ex colleague considering weight loss surgery.
Did you leave your job because of the ex colleague?
I've suggested it to friends who are battling with severe food addiction.
My reasons for advising them is my friend who has had a life changing result from a gastric sleeve, she is down 7 stone and has a much smaller appetite.
It's not for everyone.
If I was fighting this impossible battle yoyo dieting I'd take the risk, it could save your life.
My DM couldn't walk in her 60's in chronic pain from obesity, she was obese from mid 40's, very slim before that, it killed her mobility and damaged her weak bones, she'd no quality of life.

What’s the source of those image @SarahJessicaParker1?

The photo of Sharon is disingenuous as it’s taken from above.

You've never worked with someone who looks like Sharon? Even the men you work with? I used to work in an industry with a lot of offshore workers and the men looked this kind of 'chunky'

I have worked with overweight people but to the best of my knowledge no obese people. I used work on FPSO ships, physically the work was very demanding. You need medical certificates and a raft of other safety training qualifications/certs before you can step on a helicopter, rig or vessel. That line of work does not lend itself to seriously overweight or obese people.

Oh gosh. The body-shamers are alive and well, and just hungover enough to spit their bile on here....tis always the way.

@Deux

The photo of Sharon is disingenuous as it’s taken from above.

I have a similar BMI to Sharon. Im a size 12-14, so probably not someone who people would look at and say ‘wow she’s obese’. I am though.

@Deux

The photo of Sharon is disingenuous as it’s taken from above.

I don't think it makes that much difference. That's how I perceive people with a bmi of 30ish.

I'll hunt for some more though, if it means that much to you to insist obese people just cannot lead normal lives

My body is similar to Sharon’s, although I have a less round face and bigger boobs.

Where is that photo from? I’d be surprised if those bmis are accurate.