Being obese affects your friendships

[Shockedmama]

Interested to see if this is true for others?
Does being obese affect friendships? Is less sociable, thinking people don’t want to be friends with you, seen with you?
Less physically able?

Interested to hear from people who are not obese too ?

@TenLittleDinos.this is exactly what I mean not "owning" your fatness.you blame other people for your low self esteem.ALL obese people have a low selfesteem and dont like themselves.you can scream abuse at me,but it is simply a fact,that a fit healthy person is happier.No matter what story you are telling yourself.

@Butchyrestingface

I’ve not been obese but going from a 12-14 dress size to a 10 affected my friendships. That really identified those who were happy for me and those who had their own hang ups and would rather keep me as the podgy one in the group.

12-14 is 'podgy'? Christ.

Good job you missed the 'squishy' size 8 thread t'other day.

Oh god I did see that. I was so full of rage I couldn't reply 😂

Not for me. I was always the fat one in the group. Not hard , when most of my friend in my teens/early twenties were 45/50 kgs. I also had different groups and various people I socialised with and I was always invited places, people came when I organised something etc.

My group is a lot smaller now,but moving countries, then cities and becoming an antisocial grumpy git will generally do that . I still made friends at work, at the school gates, in the area I live in

I once was obese lost the weight, never to return, currently not walking very far, due to mild muscle injury.
Yes I fear getting big again just on bmi normal scale due to changing meds.
Let’s face it, most obesity is self inflicted

[quote Thatldo]@TenLittleDinos.this is exactly what I mean not "owning" your fatness.you blame other people for your low self esteem.ALL obese people have a low selfesteem and dont like themselves.you can scream abuse at me,but it is simply a fact,that a fit healthy person is happier.No matter what story you are telling yourself.[/quote]
When did I scream abuse at you?? . I responded to your point. Didn’t even shout.

In fact I just checked back and it wasn’t even you I quoted. So I have no idea when I screamed abuse at you??

@Excitedforthefuture

Opposite here

Very skinny
Loves running and being active
Hardly drinks

I have a group of very close (wonderful) friends that are overweight (not obese) but don’t like being active, drink a lot and enjoy very rich foods. I find myself distancing myself from them and yet at the same time, feeling sad that they too are distancing themselves from me

I was actually thinking about the drinking thing. I'm a bit overweight at the moment (need to lose a couple of stone) but relatively active.

Have also been practically teetotal for years. I HATE going to bars with loud thumpy music where you can't have a conversation and have to queue for what feels like hours to get a drink (alcoholic or otherwise). But that's my what my friends like to do socially, even the super fit ones. So the shared interests we have often aren't enough to compensate for the very different social settings we each want to meet in to unwind.

Also nothing worse than being the only stone cold sober person in a crowd of drunks.

I also have no idea what you mean about ‘owning it’… that’s exactly what I did? I said it wasn’t my friends’ fault, it was entirely mine due to my self esteem issues after suffering a serious health issue which means lifelong medication. What part of that is blaming other people or screaming abuse at anyone??

“But for example if I was invited to a spa day by someone I would say no. If my child was invited to a swimming party where I would have to get into the water I would say no. It does affect many many things in my life and I hate it.”

Oh yes, I remember this well, now that you mention it.
I dreaded an invite to anything which may highlight my appearance and size, such as a trip to the pool, a fancy dress party (to be fair I still hate those), being a bridesmaid (I declined), being photographed as a group. There are very few photos of me in the last 20 years as I’ve always hidden the moment I saw the phone or camera coming out.
I turned down invites to canyoning, kayaking and tree top adventure courses with friends, for fear the equipment or gear would be too small for me and I’d be humiliated.

Must confess, it’s a delight to confidently partake now.

In my case I think any effect my weight has on friendships is down to my own poor self esteem. A lot of my friends are very slim and attractive and I find myself wondering why on earth they keep me around when I don't fit in looks-wise. But I know that's all on me and my negative self talk.

It does bug me though when slim friends do the old "omg I've gained 3lb over the holidays, I feel so gross" thing. I can't help wondering if they think that about themselves, what do they think about me?!

I've been obese most of my life bar the odd, short lived yoyo. Been normal weight a couple of years. By far the biggest influence on forming and keeping friendships is aging and introversion. Weight, not so much.

@NeedAHoliday2021 are you sure that wasn't purely your own thoughts you ran away with? I do think going from a 10 to a 14 is a bit of a jump weight wise but not to the extent of affecting your existing friendships or any new ones for that matter. Many people are a size 14/16 but you wouldn't think OMG..

“It does bug me though when slim friends do the old "omg I've gained 3lb over the holidays, I feel so gross" thing. I can't help wondering if they think that about themselves, what do they think about me?!”

I can only speak for myself here but in all honesty, nothing.
I’ve put on 5lb or so over Christmas, I can feel it and I’m determined to lose it. I won’t notice what anyone else has gained or lost. That’s up to them to worry about or not. Their size is irrelevant. Xx

It does bug me though when slim friends do the old "omg I've gained 3lb over the holidays, I feel so gross" thing. I can't help wondering if they think that about themselves, what do they think about me?!

They’re not thinking about your body at all. They’re thinking about theirs. That’s it.

Exactly.

It always has for me because of how I feel about myself and because I was bullied as a kid and simply don't trust people. I do know that most people are absolutely fine and the issue is mine.

“It does bug me though when slim friends do the old "omg I've gained 3lb over the holidays, I feel so gross" thing. I can't help wondering if they think that about themselves, what do they think about me?!”

It shouldn't bug you though. They're entitled to be upset at gaining 3lbs if that's not what they wanted to do.

And as others have said, they're not thinking about you at all because why would they?

Nothing effects true friendships.
The only thing that effects them is unkindness.

At times when I've been overweight, I've found people treat you less respectfully, seem to dislike you. They might even make comments about one's weight.

But I don't think true friends would be like that.

@MsWalterMitty

How can you be obese and fit/healthy at the same time?… Has the term obese become the new overweight and it’s okay to be obese?

You can be obese and fit, though there are always increased health risks with obesity so healthy is not the right word to use. For example I can run 5k easily, lift heavy weights and have visible quad and hamstring muscles but I'm also carrying too much body fat. So I'm fit, but at increased risk of health issues. I'd also be a lot fitter if I wasn't carrying around 4stone of extra weight all the time.

I'm not obese, but I'm big all over and, in all honesty, I could stand to lose some weight.

I don't think it affects my friendships and I have friends who are obese (from looking at them).

When I was younger, I was a bit more self conscious about my size, because I tended to tower over other girls and I felt different. Also a lot of guys don't like big, tall girls. I've found this less as I and therefore the guys I dated got older though. It was a bigger issue when I was a teenager for some reason.

Because when we get together
I’d like to go for a walk and grab a coffee.

If we go out for a meal
I’d like to do sushi and not drink much at all
Weekend away?
I’d like to go for walks, swim, drink lightly

It’s all the opposite of what they like
Years ago wasn’t an issue but as the years have passed, they’ve put on weight and seen middle age as almost a reason not to be active

So I’m more with more active friends and they have become closer
Such wonderful friends but goes to show that a shared approach to diet and lifestyle is important to keeping a close friendship going

And actually...some of the nastiest attitudes I've ever come across to size are on Mumsnet. Elsewhere online and IRL it's not as bad as this place can be. I actually wouldn't open a discussion about size on here as there are a lot of people on here with bad attitudes about size

a shared approach to diet and lifestyle is important to keeping a close friendship going

I do agree with this too. But you do sometimes get people with very healthy approaches to diet and activity who for some reason are also obese. So I think saying the above is different to saying you couldn't be friends with an obese person. Unless you're assuming that all obese people are inactive and eat crap all day, which would be massively prejudiced and quite a stupid thing to think