Being obese affects your friendships

[Shockedmama]

Interested to see if this is true for others?
Does being obese affect friendships? Is less sociable, thinking people don’t want to be friends with you, seen with you?
Less physically able?

Interested to hear from people who are not obese too ?

@Chunkymenrock

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Troll hunting (very obviously).

MN does have an easily used search facility….

Oops! My post overlapped with the troll hunting deletion!

How can you be obese and fit/healthy at the same time?… Has the term obese become the new overweight and it’s okay to be obese?

Gosh I somehow manage to cope with hot weather ( It was over 40 for 4 days last week, loved it). And I can go on with public transport too, despite being a fat fucker! And have more friends than I can shake a stick at! Maybe I'm a special kind of fatty.

I spent 10 years in the obese category, although always very active despite the unwanted extra weight. over the past year I've finally lost a fair bit which makes me happy, I feel great about being just "overweight"
My friends are my friends and seem to love me whatever size I am. I do find strangers are more likely to approach me now I'm lighter and start a conversation which wasn't happening before.

I actually think I have more people talking to me now I'm fat. It certainly filters out the shallow and superficial very nicely.

No not at all. My BMI is 39 and I can walk for hours and have never had any issue fitting in a seat anywhere. I don't get any aches or pains, probably because I am very active anyway.

I think my idea of being fit and active is different to others on here.

I've lost half my body weight in the last year following low carb. I was very obese.
Yes, people definitely treat you differently some good, some bad.
However, you know who your real friends are- they're the ones pleased for you

What are your thoughts, OP? Why do you ask?

I do different things with different friends. I don’t run with my obese friend but that doesn’t get in the way of our friendship.

Only in that when I'm feeling very heavy (like now having gained even more over the last couple years), it stops me wanting to go out. My friends treat me just the same, it's me.
I am also aware of not fitting in the body type of some groups, so I'm not included. I know a few people who only have friends that look just like them - body size, similar hair, dress sense. It doesn't bother me as I have plenty of friends but every once in a while I realise I'm being excluded partly because of my weight and that does bother me.
My daughter just started a new school and I went to a parents coffee morning and I was far bigger than anyone else and I could feel them looking me up and down and judging me. I judge too, it's human nature, but it still doesn't feel good to think you don't pass muster, whatever the reason.

I'm obese, but I haven't found that it affects my relationships at all. I've had two husbands and both have thought I was wonderful , we had/ have a good sex life etc.

Friendships are not a problem - yes I might not be able to walk as fast or as far as another person, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I think it would be pretty shallow to choose friends because of their physical limitations. I've got some lovely friends of all shapes and sizes - I've never really wondered if my size affected my friends until I saw this question, to be honest.

@PurpleDaisies

I do different things with different friends. I don’t run with my obese friend but that doesn’t get in the way of our friendship.

Posted too soon. I also don’t run with my super fit friend. It’s normal to do differing activities with different friends but that’s not what defines how close we are.

I'm overweight, but have 2 friends who are defined as clinically obese. One doesn't live in the same country as me. I couldn't care less (other than concerns for health) about their size. They are caring, wonderful women. People who make judgements on others because of their size and whether they should be seen with them are incredibly shallow.

I have one friend who is borderline obese, and it doesn't affect the friendship at all. She is very active, goes everywhere, does everything, has much more confidence than me and could leave me in the dust.

I have another obese friend who doesn't have the stamina for a long day out, and would never wear a swimsuit or do lots of physical things. I suppose you could say this limits the friendship, but the truth is I have plenty of average size friends who won't wear a swimsuit or walk all day or jump on an inflatable slide.

One of my close friends is obese. Doesn't affect our friendship at all. Not sure why it would.

I’ve not been obese but going from a 12-14 dress size to a 10 affected my friendships. That really identified those who were happy for me and those who had their own hang ups and would rather keep me as the podgy one in the group.

One of my closest friends struggles with her weight and I have noticed that she isn’t up for meeting up in person as much when she’s bigger. I haven’t mentioned it because I don’t want to make her feel crappy, but I miss her during those patches

I suppose it partly depends on how obese someone is! I’ve checked my bmi and have slightly slipped into the obese category. 5 foot 4 and 13 stone and a size 16 or (very) generous 14. But I can easily walk for the best part of a day, fit into any seat and still enjoy swimming etc. DH is worse than I am but can still do all those things and no one excludes us from anything. So surely you mean quite a way into the obesity category?
This can be an issue with older relatives - adapting days out to suit limited walking ability but never excluding them.

I've had obese friends and it has never once crossed my mind to think of their weight affecting the friendship.

As for not being fit enough to do things, well you do different things with different friends anyway, depending on their interests.

Becoming obese (I just tip over into that category now) has affected my friendships in the sense that I’m too ashamed to see people now.
I’ve always been slim but a health issue and the medication used to treat it have meant I’ve piled on the pounds. My friends wouldn’t care, but I feel so awful that I turn down most invitations.

@NeedAHoliday2021

I’ve not been obese but going from a 12-14 dress size to a 10 affected my friendships. That really identified those who were happy for me and those who had their own hang ups and would rather keep me as the podgy one in the group.

12-14 is 'podgy'? Christ.

I have a very good friend who is very big and there are some things she just can't do, mainly because the weight has created problems with her knees. She's told me that, I'm not making assumptions.

We generally do lots of other lovely stuff, but very occasionally I do think - ooh let's invite Lovely Friend - and realise there's no way she could do it.

However she is working on her general health and we are having a perfectly nice time doing little walks with lots of sit downs too.

I guess all friends have likes and dislikes though, I know my friends wouldn't dream of inviting me to go ice skating as I have terrible balance, doesn't reflect badly on either of us.

Self-esteem affects your friendships. If you don’t like yourself, because of your body image, then that will make it harder for other people to get close to you.
A happy, confident fat person will have as many friend as anyone else.