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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not letting my 17yo go out for NYE?

205 replies

Icelandiaa · 31/12/2021 17:47

He wants to go to his mates. But we don't drive so can't pick him up.

He said he will be home about 1am. But I don't want him out at 1am.

I doubt there will be taxis available and he's definitely not walking home.

He's 17 though (just turned days ago)

AIBU to not let him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Icelandiaa · 31/12/2021 20:19

How is me saying I can't drive legally a drip feed? How was that relevant? It wasn't. Saying I don't drive was informative enough. You honestly think I should declare my disability in every post I make? Give over.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 31/12/2021 20:21

Are you actually joking?

SalveVagina · 31/12/2021 20:25

@WorraLiberty I also think you're wrong about them going out or not. None of my DC is "going out", because they think that "going out" is lame and is for 15 yr olds with fake IDs. They are all at house parties, which appear to be the Place To Be this year. I feel sorry for nightclub owners, but I think the combination of Covid, vaccine passports, proof of negative LFTs etc has meant that young people have found it easier to swerve all that shit and stay at someone's home instead.

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/12/2021 20:26

This is mumsnet op where people don’t parent their children past a certain age.

gogohm · 31/12/2021 20:31

He's 17 I would let him go. To get around this issue we held parties when dc were this age and they invited friends (and their parents, we were friends with the parents I should add). In a year hes legally an adult

fizzypop100 · 31/12/2021 20:31

OP you sound like a sensible and caring mum. I can understand why you wouldn't want him out. He isn't 18 yet and a lot could go wrong. You are the best judge of this and hopefully can come to a sensible agreement with him

silverbubbles · 31/12/2021 20:34

Don't be so mean - its news years eve. Be happy that he has some friends and somewhere to go.

elelel · 31/12/2021 20:34

@MyDcAreMarvel

This is mumsnet op where people don’t parent their children past a certain age.

You can parent a 17 year old and let them enjoy new year with their mates. It's not one or the other.

gogohm · 31/12/2021 20:35

You not driving isn't the issue, it's thinking you can stop nearly adult dc doing things because you can't. My friend has epilepsy so he asks others for help in these circumstances, nobody minded. Also for non driving parents, having money set aside for cabs makes sense once they are older, not having a car is cheaper, paying for cabs is price you pay

Ragwort · 31/12/2021 20:35

Why don't people read the thread before commenting? Hmm.

Original poster
Icelandiaa · 31/12/2021 20:37

The original issue wasn't him spending a night with his mates. Of course I wouldn't have an issue with that.

It was that it was sprung last minute with no time to book a taxi on the busiest night of the year and we thought he would have to walk home. Its a really shitty area and not safe for a 30 year old at 1am. Never mind 17.

But he's staying over now and walking home tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
TheGarbageManCan · 31/12/2021 20:38

But what would a 17 year old do while “out”? They can’t go to the pub/a club like we did (ahem) 20 years ago when I was 17. A house party I would say yes to, but aimlessly wandering around town (?) with no transport home? It sounds like fun now, but I can’t see the attraction.

SalveVagina · 31/12/2021 20:39

@MyDcAreMarvel

This is mumsnet op where people don’t parent their children past a certain age.
Silly comment.
WutheringHeights66 · 31/12/2021 20:40

The OP is sorted now which is great.

She took the obvious option,
Which at this age is very common when getting an invite not near home and that’s to bunk up at a mates or bring a mate back to bunk up at yours and share the long walk home.

The party may well go on until 5 anyway.

SalveVagina · 31/12/2021 20:40

@fizzypop100

OP you sound like a sensible and caring mum. I can understand why you wouldn't want him out. He isn't 18 yet and a lot could go wrong. You are the best judge of this and hopefully can come to a sensible agreement with him
You know things can still go wrong at 18? Parenting is a very, very long slog.
shinynewapple21 · 31/12/2021 20:43

Glad that your son gets to go to his mates for NYE.

fizzypop100 · 31/12/2021 20:45

@SalveVagina yes I've had a very, very long slog for years with my 15 year old. He has ADHD and believe me, it's terrifying when they don't have the same development as their peers

RampantIvy · 31/12/2021 20:46

@Ragwort

Why don't people read the thread before commenting? Hmm.
This ^^

I hope he has a nice night. I'm sorry that so many people have been rude to you @Icelandiaa.

Often on these threads you get competitive under and over parenting, and Four Yorkshiremen style posts.

SalveVagina · 31/12/2021 20:46

[quote fizzypop100]@SalveVagina yes I've had a very, very long slog for years with my 15 year old. He has ADHD and believe me, it's terrifying when they don't have the same development as their peers[/quote]
I have one with what was then known as Aspergers. So I feel your pain.

sweetbellyhigh · 31/12/2021 20:50

@Icelandiaa

The original issue wasn't him spending a night with his mates. Of course I wouldn't have an issue with that.

It was that it was sprung last minute with no time to book a taxi on the busiest night of the year and we thought he would have to walk home. Its a really shitty area and not safe for a 30 year old at 1am. Never mind 17.

But he's staying over now and walking home tomorrow morning.

The sort of area you're in makes every bit of difference.

My son's school is wonderful but is situated in a crappy area and I genuinely fear for his safety every school day. He has been subject to multiple attacks on his commute.

However, last night, NYs (NZ) I let him go out with his friends until after midnight. He is 14. Because the area we live in is lovely. He had a fantastic time. No way in hell would I have let him out in some other areas though.

godmum56 · 31/12/2021 20:53

How will you stop him?

sweetbellyhigh · 31/12/2021 20:54

@godmum56

How will you stop him?
It's over, he's gone
Benjispruce5 · 31/12/2021 20:56

I understand the feeling op but next year he’ll be an adult and you’ll have no say at all He needs to learn under your guidance knowing you’re there if all goes wrong, it’s our job.

Benjispruce5 · 31/12/2021 20:57

Well done op. It’s hard.

Jada1234 · 31/12/2021 21:06

None of my children are going out tonight to come home with the covid virus