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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not letting my 17yo go out for NYE?

205 replies

Icelandiaa · 31/12/2021 17:47

He wants to go to his mates. But we don't drive so can't pick him up.

He said he will be home about 1am. But I don't want him out at 1am.

I doubt there will be taxis available and he's definitely not walking home.

He's 17 though (just turned days ago)

AIBU to not let him?

OP posts:

HemanOrSheRa · 31/12/2021 19:14

I'm sure he'll be fine. It's natural to worry. My DS is 16, 17 in a few weeks. He's gone off out with a crowd of mates in a cloud of Eau Savage. I suspect they are chancing their arms at a pub then onto a party. He will be walking home with two mates who will be crashing here. I've stocked up on pizzas for them. He knows he MUST keep in touch with us, answer texts, otherwise I will start ringing round other parents and track him down . That's the deal for a bit of freedom.

starsparkle08 · 31/12/2021 19:15

Unless he has Sen , I don’t understand why not ….

Helpfriend · 31/12/2021 19:16

100% let him go, but order him and pay for a taxi for him to get home; it’s not great for him to be walking home for 4 miles on NYE and that’s the only part i would worry about

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 31/12/2021 19:18

I understand your worry. You should be letting him go and then go and collect him. That’s what a responsible parent would do. I would take his mates home too, rather than have them walk home.

LondonQueen · 31/12/2021 19:19

I don't see the issue with a 17 year old walking home unless he has SEN or you live miles away from his friend?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/12/2021 19:19

It’s your job to worry but you’ll still be doing that at 18, 19, 25 …. of course he should go! His age group have had a shit time during the last couple of years. Wave him off and tell him to have a brilliant evening.

BlueShirtGuy · 31/12/2021 19:20

I'm irrationally pleased that he's going.

VioletLemon · 31/12/2021 19:23

Well done OP!!
Your relationship with him will be better for this because he'll remember you trusted him.

Happymum12345 · 31/12/2021 19:35

It’s hard. Mine ds my a 17 and out tonight at a party at a girls house I’ve never heard of. How does he think he will get home?

CheesecakeAddict · 31/12/2021 19:35

@WorraLiberty there's no way a group of young drunk lads are staying at home on nye if some of them are old enough to be out out.

5thHelena · 31/12/2021 19:36

YABVU
Let the poor lad go out and have fun after this shitstorm of a year.. why the hell not?

userxx · 31/12/2021 19:39

I don't think I asked my parents permission to go out when I was 17.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 31/12/2021 19:39

I would say if for any reason he cannot stay over at the house he is going to then you would prefer him and his friends to all walk back to yours and sleep in his room/the living room. I remember being that age and plans changing, best they all stick together.

Abraxan · 31/12/2021 19:41

@Icelandiaa

OK. Fair enough.

He's gone. He's staying over.

Well done OP!

It's really hard when they are growing up. Not yet an adult, even though they often think they are, but no longer a child.

I know on MN some posters love to suggest that teens should be doing whatever they like, whenever they like but my real life experience is that few parent actually follow that.

I'm glad he now has a plan to stay over and can enjoy his evening, as can you knowing he has a plan in place.

Oblomov21 · 31/12/2021 19:44

Thank goodness he's been able to go.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/12/2021 19:46

Glad he’s staying over. Makes more sense

Assume if he had friends at yours , you would be happy for them to stay

Frazzled2207 · 31/12/2021 19:47

@Icelandiaa

OK. Fair enough.

He's gone. He's staying over.

Good. I was going to say ideally he’d stay over but failing that I’d collect him myself or walk if I deemed the walk to be safe.

Bumpsadaisie · 31/12/2021 19:49

The lad is 17!

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2021 19:51

[quote CheesecakeAddict]@WorraLiberty there's no way a group of young drunk lads are staying at home on nye if some of them are old enough to be out out.[/quote]
My DS is at a house party tonight with all his mates 🤷‍♀️

I loved house parties as a teenager and I literally lived opposite a nightclub that I could easily get into with friends!

I know what you mean though, some might want to go out.

5foot5 · 31/12/2021 19:56

We both have medical conditions that make it illegal for us to drive. You should think before you post.
You should think before you drip feed. It is a very annoying trait to post only part of the information, wait for people to comment unfavourably and then roll out the back story that is meant to make all the criticisors feel bad.

Even if we didn't. And it was a choice, it's hardly 'mad' not to drive when there is so much public transport around 99% of the year!
Is there? Depends where you live. I guess you don't live anywhere rural if that is your perception. When I read your OP and you said he definitely wasn't walking 4 miles hone I imagined unlit country lanes with no pavement. But if you are in an urban setting and there is a group of them then 4 miles shouldn't be too much of a worry surely. Especially at 17.

Unsure33 · 31/12/2021 19:58

@HirplesWithHaggis

Why is he definitely not walking home if it's only four miles, with his pals, and with very mild weather?

Really ? If it’s quiet country roads with no light and you are drunk you stand every chance of being mown down by a car .

speakout · 31/12/2021 19:58

I do sympathise OP- it is a really hard stage of parenting. No longer kids, not quite adults not exoerienced enough to aways make wise choices.
Letting out the rope slowly is something we have to do though.
Could you ask him to text at a certain time to let you know when he is on his way? Will he be walking with friends?
My DS went to NZ to work at 18 for 6 months with a friend, they were travelling and working in remote farms, often with no telephone signal or internet- I didn't hear from him for weeks at a time.
He was up to all sorts of high jinx I imagine- and that is just a year older than your son is now,.
Happy to say my son survived and came home unscathed. Best thing of all is that I no loger worry about him on nights out!

Abraxan · 31/12/2021 20:00

[quote CheesecakeAddict]@WorraLiberty there's no way a group of young drunk lads are staying at home on nye if some of them are old enough to be out out.[/quote]
Dd is 19y. She is at a house party with lots of friends tonight. They chose not to go out out. They've all done LFTs and those who have positive family members are no longer going either.

They weren't bothered about going out proper. They will have at least as much fun all together drinking and having fun. Cheaper too!

SalveVagina · 31/12/2021 20:15

Glad he found a solution, OP. FWIW, my youngest (who is also 17) has gone Somewhere for NYE, as she did last year, aged 16. I'm hardly Mrs Permissive, either. The things I have insisted on with all of them are: if you are walking home, don't do it alone (same for the boys); while out, stay together whatever happens; and don't go anywhere near water while drunk.

Original poster

Icelandiaa · 31/12/2021 20:17

[quote CheesecakeAddict]@WorraLiberty there's no way a group of young drunk lads are staying at home on nye if some of them are old enough to be out out.[/quote]
I know his mates mum well. They aren't going out. 100%

OP posts:

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