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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DB doesn’t invite us to New Years Eve Parties

263 replies

usauk · 30/12/2021 07:38

DB and DSIL live one street away from us. They have NYE party every year and invite all SIL family and my parents but never myself, DH or children. We have done so much for them including child care and he phones me New Years Day to wish us Happy New Year without mentioning the party. I know about it because my parents tell me. It’s coming up to the time again. AIBU to feel used and hurt?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/12/2021 08:17

Yanbu

Have you ever asked him why you’re not invited?

notanothertakeaway · 30/12/2021 08:19

Do they spend Christmas with you and NYE with SIL's family?

Are other children invited on NYE?

Itonlytakesonetree · 30/12/2021 08:22

Do they thank you in other ways? Maybe you aren't their cup of tea socially.

pasturesgreen · 30/12/2021 08:22

Odd that they invite your parents but not you.
Can you bite the bullet and talk to your DB?
And stop doing so much for them!

MsTSwift · 30/12/2021 08:24

That is very odd!

Xmasiscancelledagain · 30/12/2021 08:25

Just stop doing so much for them then.

When you say he invites the rest of the families, does anyone else have kids? I wouldn't imagine a new year's eve party would be much fun for young kids.

Original poster
usauk · 30/12/2021 08:28

Yea I will stop having their children over. They rarely almost never have mine. He’s older than me and was a bully as a child so I find it very hard to confront him. I think it is bad of them and I wondered what other people not connected to us think of how they act towards us. I wish my parents could have asked about why me and mine are not there

OP posts:
Original poster
usauk · 30/12/2021 08:30

Yes there are other children there - their children and her sisters children

OP posts:
Flickflak · 30/12/2021 08:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SmallElephant · 30/12/2021 08:31

Stop babysitting for them OP. They're using you.

EverNapping · 30/12/2021 08:34

People probably assume he's invited you and that you've turned it down.

Have you asked your parents - if asking him is too much?

My sister never invites me because we aren't that close & didn't get on well growing up.

Prinnny · 30/12/2021 08:37

I would ask! Say how come we’re not getting an invite? If it was just SILs family I could understand but if your parents go and your the only one left out it’s a bit strange!

sofakingcool · 30/12/2021 08:38

Do you normally see them at Christmas? We always have my brother in law and his family for a New Year's Eve party and never invite my side of the family - because we have Christmas with them

Justilou1 · 30/12/2021 08:39

No more favours. Ever…

Original poster
usauk · 30/12/2021 08:42

No, its never a two way street. They always prioritise SIL side of family. He’s always been a user, I think. I was just checking what everyone else might think. Bestie says my bar is often too high but she does agree that this is not on

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 30/12/2021 08:42

Are there actually invitations given, or is it assumed people will just come. They don’t think that you’re just not coming do they?

sofakingcool · 30/12/2021 08:46

@usauk

No, its never a two way street. They always prioritise SIL side of family. He’s always been a user, I think. I was just checking what everyone else might think. Bestie says my bar is often too high but she does agree that this is not on
Oh in that case I'd definitely rein back on the favours!
Longdistance · 30/12/2021 08:48

Well, if my parents came back from my db NYE party telling me all about it, I’d say ‘I wouldn’t know, I didn’t get an invite’.
I’d definitely stop the childcare

Original poster
usauk · 30/12/2021 08:51

I don’t know about invitations. I’ve certainly never had one - they don’t ever mention they are having the party. He says things like “the kids were running about until late last night” and then DM tells me about it. They live about 500 metres away in a house they couldn’t have bought if I didn’t offer to keep his motorbike in my garage until he got a garage built

OP posts:
2Rebecca · 30/12/2021 08:53

Odd. I would have said something the first time I wasn't invited in an "oy what about us?" sort of way if the rest of the family came unless it was obvious that my kids were much younger, although even then my husband could look after the kids and I go if my family. I would raise it and would step back. It's only understandable if your kids are younger and would hoover up the snacks/ knock over the drinks etc

Fairylights25 · 30/12/2021 08:56

I would be very hurt, and a result not be involving myself with their lives and would have stopped babysitting for them a long time ago!

Become very very busy, make your own NY plans and distance yourself, they sound rude and entitled.

Odd thing for your BF to say your standards are too high, what does she mean by that? That you are refusing to be everyone's go to doormat?!

Kshhuxnxk · 30/12/2021 08:56

Seems a bit weird but as does your comment that they couldn't have bought the house unless you kept his motorbike in your garage till his was built. It could have sat outside, went into storage etc

ZenNudist · 30/12/2021 08:56

No favours and when they ask say its one sided and that is the lack of invite to family parties has prompted you to rethink. The truth! Be firm. Don't help them out and they will realise they need to be more inclusive.

GrumpyPanda · 30/12/2021 09:02

Try and invite your parents to yours next time instead? And your brother's an arse.

Pegasushaswings · 30/12/2021 09:02

I wouldn’t bother saying anything, just start distancing yourself and stop being their babysitter. It is awful that they don’t invite you though, especially as your parents go!