To advise friend to ditch baby bottles, pushchair and nappies?

[feelinghappy]

My friend's children who are 4 and 6 drink squash from baby bottles (during the day at home - not at school - and take bottles of squash to bed with them), wear nappies in the car (not at night) and use a Phil and Ted pushchair if we go anywhere. My son was in pullups at night until 8 so I know the battle of accidents when they sleep - it's just seeing them get ready for driving home by lying on the floor to have nappies put on felt strange. Both children have speech problems (6 year old is seeing speech and language specialist) and neither have been to a dentist. I tried to encourage them to walk today but after a few steps they were both too tired and climbed back in the buggy. The nappies and buggy do not affect their health so much as the bottles - I wonder if she'll say to me in the future 'why didn't you say I shouldn't use bottles so long?' Or should I just mind my own business?

@trumpisagit the point being that my child hasn't got the muscle control for breast feeding but likes the soothing he gets from a bottle. Some children with a more severe version of his issues have bottles and no solid food till six plus and some are tube fed.
The point is that you have experience of your own children. Nothing else. Being a parent doesn't mean that you automatically know how to solve another parents (most likely) Sen based problems.

It really is the height of ableism when parents of nt children demonise bottles, when some of us have children that would have died in infancy without a bottle.or tube.
My child may still be using a bottle at six. You have no right to judge me nor the breastfeeding mother.

It would be most unusual for both children to have identical needs, if out of the house and when not on a car journey they're fine then it's maybe just easier for her, perhaps she doesn't realise the risk to their teeth etc, perhaps she does. Unless you suspect they aren't having their needs met though i don't think you'll gain anything from saying something to her, but please do if it crosses that line.

DD2 would have likely started school in a pushchair with a speech delay if we'd not driven right near to the school. Combination of dyspraxia, verbal dyspraxia, very low muscle tone making everything much harder for her, plus the fact she was still getting over quite a lengthy hospitalisation for pneumonia meant she was absolutely wiped out very very easily and took a lot of building stamina back up. When the Reception class walked to sing carols at the old folks home - she wanted to divert the class via Tesco to buy biscuits!

Did she struggle to have DC ? Maybe she is keeping her babies for as long as she can. If the children are happy and clean and the school is intervening with things dont say anything. We are all different.

The only worry I would really have is the bottles with squash in .This can damage Teeth a lot .Apart from that the nappies/pushchairs and so on not so much of a problem

Regarding the buggy. Two of my children in reception year would be transported back home in a buggy. Not because they were lazy or indeed me but they were just 4 and after walking to school. Running around at school they were shattered and would fall asleep on journey home. Yes I was the only mum with a buggy at the school gate but it is was what suited my DC so who cares. ( incidentally both my compete at County level in sport so didn’t harm them )

I work in an ARB with teenagers with SEND and there’s a few students that don’t need to be there but their parents are convinced that they need to be.

My guess is that these are teens who mask their difficulties in school so appear to be fine to the ARB staff. The resulting unwillingness to meet their recorded needs in school can have a devastating impact on their MH. I work with young people this has happened to and the trauma it causes is heartbreaking.

If MN is a place where parents can't be blamed, I think that can only be a helpful antidote to the situation in education where they are usually blamed by default, the result of which is huge damage to countless children.

Of course, there are children with SN who need some or all of the things mentioned in OPs post.
But children who are neglected or whose mums want them to stay as babies, can create children who still wear nappies, drink from bottles and sit in buggies. I have looked after children like this and tried to encourage them to develop in a more age-appropriate way.
These children develop incredibly quickly and are soon at a level of their peers.

no but obviously I know they will ask lots of questions to ascertain whether the environment could be causing a speech delay. But not everyone tells the truth to medics.

As I suspected. If you've no experience of them, you can't say they won't know. It would be very unusual for them not to.

@BoredZelda how would they know if a parent lies?

Not RTFT, but YABU.
Mind your own damn business, sorry.
I'm with you that I'd be silently judging most of that, but shit like shouldn't be drinking juice from a bottle, should be out of nappies by now! etc absolutely fuck all to do with me.
I know how it feels to have people sticking their oar in when it comes to parenting decisions.
It's crap.
Back off.

The only worry I would really have is the bottles with squash in
Yes, I never did this either. It's got nothing to do with OP though as not her kid.

@NoNotMeNoSiree

Not RTFT, but YABU. Mind your own damn business, sorry. I'm with you that I'd be silently judging most of that, but shit like shouldn't be drinking juice from a bottle, should be out of nappies by now! etc absolutely fuck all to do with me. I know how it feels to have people sticking their oar in when it comes to parenting decisions. It's crap. Back off.

I'm sure if their teeth go rotten and they need to have significant dental work people would be squealing why didn't anyone say anything though.

@Ohyesiam

Not taking the children to the dentist is neglect. You can flag this via their school, anonymously if you want. School have a duty to follow up. I used to work in a school and this type of referral is not uncommon.

True, but it does assume there is a NHS dentist available locally with space on their list.