To advise friend to ditch baby bottles, pushchair and nappies?

[feelinghappy]

My friend's children who are 4 and 6 drink squash from baby bottles (during the day at home - not at school - and take bottles of squash to bed with them), wear nappies in the car (not at night) and use a Phil and Ted pushchair if we go anywhere. My son was in pullups at night until 8 so I know the battle of accidents when they sleep - it's just seeing them get ready for driving home by lying on the floor to have nappies put on felt strange. Both children have speech problems (6 year old is seeing speech and language specialist) and neither have been to a dentist. I tried to encourage them to walk today but after a few steps they were both too tired and climbed back in the buggy. The nappies and buggy do not affect their health so much as the bottles - I wonder if she'll say to me in the future 'why didn't you say I shouldn't use bottles so long?' Or should I just mind my own business?

You should mind your business unless she asks for your opinion.

Do they have special needs op?

Why on Earth would she blame you?

Her child is seeing a specialist, they’ll address things they see are issues.

Are you sure that the children don’t have a disability/SEN? I can’t imagine a child wanting to be pushed around in a pushchair or being changed into a nappy?

Are there any other delays aside from the speech?
The whole environment sounds quite 'babyfied' but if there are delays then this might be appropriate. I did think bottles were supposed to go by 18 months and be replaced by cups.

I once knew someone who used a buggy until her child was 7. No additional needs.
I did once ask her jokingly why she used it so long, she said two reasons. She had room for her shopping and she didn't have to cope with the whining from her child.
I just said fair enough

You should mind your own business. The children may have issues that she is not willing to discuss with you.

Mind your own business.

It sounds like she is getting input from other services, you've mentioned SALT in your OP, so there are potentially additional needs at play.

Hmmm the kids seem very old for you to suddenly give advice. She hasn't asked sooner so why would she take it now?

You should mind your own business.

Unless you think they're being abused obviously but nothing here suggests that.

Well done her for getting speech therapy in place. As for juice, better to be hydrated with juice if they won't drink water, and some just won't

No idea what your problem with the pushchair is. You don't know how far those little legs had walked that day.

Unless you see yourself in a mentoring role, I've no idea why you think she might later accuse if not giving appropriate advice. Who goes around thinking like this? She's raising her kids. She's busy.

She needs a friend and, separately, advice from a specialist. Don't try and play both roles or you'll end up doing neither well.

(Mum of SN kids here, and well meaning but ill informed advice is not usually well received, it feels loaded in judgement).

I wonder if she'll say to me in the future 'why didn't you say I shouldn't use bottles so long?'

Did you also have to guide her DP's penis inside her in order for her to conceive?

It's hardly something she doesn't already know. Just leave her be.

No special needs. It's just hard to see the 4 year old follow the same path when it comes to speech - she's only just started school. Surely speech and language would have asked whether they use bottles or would they assume they no longer do?

I think this is one you probably need to keep out of. I totally see where you’re coming from but the children could have additional needs that are unknown to you.

I guess it’s a case of they are her children, she does as she sees fit.

I do think it’s unacceptable that they haven’t been to a dentist though.

I don't think she'd blame you for not passing comment in the future. Everyone does something others find odd.

I did think bottles were supposed to go by 18 months and be replaced by cups. is this true though? Sorry to derail slightly, ds is 2.5 and still has a bottle of milk at bedtime and a bottle when he wakes up. Cups all day otherwise, should I be stopping this?

No special needs.

That you know of or that have been diagnosed yet. You don't have the information or assessment process to be able to say that there are none.

They may have developmental delay from what you are describing.

I have children the same age and they wouldn't allow me to put them in a nappy, or make them use a buggy as they are aware it's not developmental appropriate and it would be picked up on by their peers.

If I knew the friend well I might mention something in a supportive way e.g. the kids seem tired, that must be tricky to manage ? There is potential to offend/open a can of worms though.

How long was the drive home? I think I would've put my 4yo in a pull up if was going to fall asleep on the way home...

At 4 and 6 there are surely special needs in play. Unless she’s a completely clueless parent she’ll know perfectly well that typical children don’t use bottles and nappies by school age.

I’m a parent of a child with autism who had “baby things” for much longer than typical, because he needed them - and no it wasn’t immediately obvious to casual bystanders that he had special needs. Trust me, no one enjoys putting their six year old in nappies or pushing them in a push chair. Leave her be.

@Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese

I don't think she'd blame you for not passing comment in the future. Everyone does something others find odd.

I did think bottles were supposed to go by 18 months and be replaced by cups. is this true though? Sorry to derail slightly, ds is 2.5 and still has a bottle of milk at bedtime and a bottle when he wakes up. Cups all day otherwise, should I be stopping this?

I thought it was bottles gone by a year from memory. However, we all do stuff when it comes to parenting that isn’t totally text book. My dm said my 20 something sister had a bottle for much too long. She’s turned out fine.

I kept my second son in a buggy until he was almost 5 as he was a runner with no sense of danger. He wasn't diagnosed with autism until he was 13! The wait list is currently over two and a half years to see a ASD specialist in our area and they often won't refer until they're 6.

I’m confused at the responses you’ve had so far. I’ve only the info you’ve put and obviously this is your friend, you’ll know her well, but this does look like a developmental delay more predominantly for the 6 yr old.
Are they being neglected? Not being given opportunities to develop? Is it an additional need the children have which might not even be diagnosed yet? Do you have the kind of relationship where you can honestly and sensitively discuss this?

I tried to encourage them to walk today but after a few steps they were both too tired and climbed back in the buggy.

Are you looking after them? Expected to push them around in a buggy or put nappies on them for a car journey?

If yes, then yeah I’d be telling your friend I’m not doing that any more.

It's not normal but you know that. Far far removed from any children I've know at those ages. ( non SEN).

I know it sounds judgy which is why I haven't said anything before - just thought it would get better as they get older. I know there's no way of me mentioning it without causing offense - this has just confirmed that so thanks