Was this comment hurtful?

[AndTime]

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

You are both unreasonable, but on balance you are more unreasonable than he is. Don't compare yourself to someone else, just do your best.
HTH.

He should have left you out of it.

Fucking hell.

This place sometimes.

I'm not sulking or anything btw, I just said it wasn't a very nice thing to say and we were leaving then anyway so we have come home and carried on with housework/showers.

It's not a big row.

Just wondering if anyone else would have found his comment hurtful.

No. He compared himself and you to the others around you. Not just you. It was said in the sport of competition, not to make you feel bad.

I don't want to be compared to others around me though especially to be found wanting.

Think you are being over sensitive tbh.

Clearly you are very sensitive about this subject and have been hurt by the comment.
I personally would not have been upset in the slightest. He was just stating that the gym is a good place if you need extra motivation from a competitive stance.

A soft squishy 8

Are you normally such hard work?

Did he mean literally fittest, as in most athletic rather than best looking?

@TheNeverEndingOver

A soft squishy 8

YABU for this comment alone

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

Did he mean literally fittest, as in most athletic rather than best looking?

Good point. He might not mean fittest as in more attractive

Christ on a bike.

I think because body building is his hobby he sees competition as a good thing. I train for the health benefits and have no desire to compete with others.

As a 35 year old mum of 3 I don't need it pointing out that my body doesn't compare with a fit 22 year old or whatever.

I can see it's my own insecurities though, I am over sensitive after over indulging the last few days and feeling bloaty and shit about myself so DPs comment just wasn't well timed.

I will try to put it out of my mind.

Sorry OP but I also don’t see anything wrong with what he said. You could flip it and see it as a compliment that he sees you as the fittest in your usual gym. I certainly wouldn’t take it as a criticism in the context in which you have shared it.

Siiigh

Did he mean ‘fittest’ in the sense of at peak physical condition? Or is he using ‘fit’ in the more laddish sense of “you’re only seen as a ‘fit bird’ (attractive) in the small gym coz you are the ONLY woman”

Because they have very different meanings really don’t they?

I am not athletic at all he definitely meant in terms of attractiveness.

I will forget about it now, thanks for the reality check!

Soft squishy 8?

Poor you.

I don't think I've ever seen a "soft squishy 8" in my life....and I a size 14 regular gym user.

But as a rule of thumb, if you're hurt by a comment then its been hurtful to you. Everyone has different limits.

@Sneezesthrice

Did he mean ‘fittest’ in the sense of at peak physical condition? Or is he using ‘fit’ in the more laddish sense of “you’re only seen as a ‘fit bird’ (attractive) in the small gym coz you are the ONLY woman”

Because they have very different meanings really don’t they?

Yes that is what he meant as he specifically pointed out how I was the fittest in our gym because I am the only female. And he definitely meant fittest in terms of being attractive: that is how he would use the term.

That's a bit off then.

I would be wondering whether your small independent body-building gym is necessarily the one for you if you are gaining mass and yet becoming , in your own words, 'soft and squishy...