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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this comment hurtful?

177 replies

AndTime · 28/12/2021 19:45

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 28/12/2021 21:31

@olympicsrock

Get a grip... you have body dysmorphism
Maybe she does, she definitely has a low opinion of her appearance. When did "get a grip" ever help someone who is struggling?
Antsgomarching · 28/12/2021 21:32

I danno why everyone is having a go at OP for being offended while being a size 8 - I’m like double that and I can empathise that having your partner basically compare you to other women is deeply hurtful and unnecessary . It doesn’t really matter what size OP is its not like you stop having feelings once you are below a size 10. Tbh he sounds like a twat OP.

TheHamburgler · 28/12/2021 21:34

I don't even really understand what he said ?!

It took me a moment. DP, upon joining a new gym, noted that as there was a bigger membership, there were a lot of guys that were ‘bigger’ (in a body building sense) than him. He expressed that he found that motivating, and thought it would be the same for the OP being in a gym where she wasn’t the only woman, so there are fitter women for her to compare herself too.

The OP insists by ‘fitter’, DH meant ‘better looking’ rather than ‘more physically fit’.

Which does not appear to make any sense in context.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2021 21:37

I danno why everyone is having a go at OP for being offended while being a size 8

That's not what people (including me) are Hmm about.

LaurenKelsey · 28/12/2021 21:37

YABU and seem to be way too sensitive.

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 21:40

@TheHamburgler

I don't even really understand what he said ?!

It took me a moment. DP, upon joining a new gym, noted that as there was a bigger membership, there were a lot of guys that were ‘bigger’ (in a body building sense) than him. He expressed that he found that motivating, and thought it would be the same for the OP being in a gym where she wasn’t the only woman, so there are fitter women for her to compare herself too.

The OP insists by ‘fitter’, DH meant ‘better looking’ rather than ‘more physically fit’.

Which does not appear to make any sense in context.

What he's really expressing is insecurity over his appearance at being around bigger guys. He's trying to use that as a positive to train harder to be bigger. He clearly thinks bigger is better.
gofg · 28/12/2021 21:40

A soft squishy 8

FFS!!

ACCx · 28/12/2021 21:43

Why are people so offended that she’s described herself as a squishy size 8? I’m a squishy size 6 and hope to be a more toned size 6. :) nothing wrong with what OP has said.

Tinacollada · 28/12/2021 21:43

Sounds like a bloody exhausting hobby to me

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 21:47

Get a grip... you have body dysmorphism.

You are cruel.
Are you jealous?

OP you should have said you were a size 16.

There is such thing as a squishy 8 and tight 8 if OP has a small frame, my jeans will verify depending on the time of the month.
My size 8 muffin top stomach sits over the button when I am a squishy 8 or sit flat.

Slim people can feel bloated when they stop their exercise routine, it doesn't make them fat but the muscle flops making them feel squishy not tight.

GettingItOutThere · 28/12/2021 21:49

mum of 3, size 8?

and you are offended. wow.

Most of us mothers would kill for a size 8 body you know?

LittleRoundRobin · 28/12/2021 21:50

@AndTime

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

@AndTime

You lost me at 'I have gained a stone and have gone from a size 6 to a soft squishy size 8...' Hmm

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 21:51

@GettingItOutThere

mum of 3, size 8?

and you are offended. wow.

Most of us mothers would kill for a size 8 body you know?

The thread isn't about you though and what you would like to be. It's about OP's DP's comments.
rattlemehearties · 28/12/2021 21:52

From your OP I cannot understand what he said that upset you?

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 21:53

OP you should have said you were a size 16.

IKR.

If OP was a size 16 and said she was sensitive about having put on a stone, the responses would be very different.

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 21:54

You lost me at 'I have gained a stone and have gone from a size 6 to a soft squishy size 8...'
Awful you couldn't read past OP's size. 😕
Now if OP was obese that would be cruel to not read further due to her waistline.

glimpsing · 28/12/2021 21:55

Eh? And I used to feel a bit guilty sniggering about 'vanity gym' to my DH. But really, this isn't about health or fitness is it? It's just about size and weight.

Why not aim for proper fitness? Strength, agility, aerobic fitness, flexibility, stamina, coordination. Much better than comparing yourself to how other girls in the gym look.

LittleRoundRobin · 28/12/2021 21:55

@WonderfulYou

I think we may be seeking ‘oh, no, op, you’re so hot and slim and fit, what an idiot’.

WTAF!!
It’s weird that you seem so jealous of someone you literally have no idea what she looks like.

OP has not given any indication that that’s what she’s after.
She’s started a thread saying how rubbish she feels. Why kick her when she’s down.

I dread to think how miserable some of these posters lives are that they hear a women is a smaller size than them and instantly attack her.
I’m actually embarrassed for them.

MN is meant to be a place where women can support each other, not drag each other down if we think someone is better than us. It’s pathetic.

Calm down. You seem oddly over-invested, and very angry about this. Sounds like you're projecting.
Saffy123456 · 28/12/2021 21:56

People have different ideas about fitness clearly, I've been blown away once or twice in the gym by very normal looking women aka not body building types lifting incredible amounts of weights and making it look effortless. OP go and find other people train with that aren't your other half because its really not about checking out other people in that sense, maybe try Crossfit / bootcamp and come away feeling good about yourself.

me4real · 28/12/2021 21:59

@AndTime Is the relationship, for want of a better word, triggering in general? Even if you don't have body image issues, some men/relationships can make you feel more uncomfortable and like you have to work harder on weight or shape. Sounds like he is a bit obsessed with these things and even if you weren't insecure about it before, his obsession/preoccupation is making you feel worse than you otherwise might about your body.

Not something I would want- that's why I tend to like guys that aren't overly into that stuff. I obsess about it enough without any encouragement.

whatkatydid2013 · 28/12/2021 21:59

If it’s upset you then it’s upset you. There is nothing unreasonable about you finding something hurtful & if your OH already knows comments like that are something that has upset you in the past he’s being a dick to say it. I’m not sure why people are being so unpleasant about your size. I’d imagine gaining a stone is a big difference for someone petit who is usually a size 6. Whatever size you may be there is usually a place you feel comfortable with your body and adding on a lot of weight over a short period can make you feel unattractive regardless of whether you might be objectively obese or objectively slender. Let him know he’s upset you and you are feeling a bit insecure. If he doesn’t give a shit and continues to make snide little digs give some serious thought to if he’s a great life partner. If he is trying to help motivate you I’m sure there are better ways he could do that.

DeepaBeesKit · 28/12/2021 22:03

You lost me at "soft squishy 8" Hmm.

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 22:04

Once again OP IMO it was a clumsy comment, one he was meant to keep in his head.
Most men will roam their eye in a new gym, they're simple creatures.
Anyway I'm off the bed.
I'd leave this thread as there is no sympathy for slim people on MN unless you're dying.
Forget his stupid comment. Flowers

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 22:05

Much better than comparing yourself to how other girls in the gym look.
She didn't. Her DP did.

glimpsing · 28/12/2021 22:07

@DeepaBeesKit

You lost me at "soft squishy 8" Hmm.
It is possible. I'm an 8. I'm thin but my stomach is soft. Always has been. Small frame. Not hugely muscular. Hey, it's not all bad. It's better than being fat on my frame which I have been too. That came along with a bad back. People do look different at different sizes. I don't want to lose weight though. I want to gain ideally but muscle not fat which takes time.