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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this comment hurtful?

177 replies

AndTime · 28/12/2021 19:45

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

OP posts:
CouncilHousedAndViolentBaby · 28/12/2021 20:10

@AndTime

I am not athletic at all he definitely meant in terms of attractiveness.

I will forget about it now, thanks for the reality check!

That's deffo off YANBU
Holly60 · 28/12/2021 20:10

No he clearly meant fittest as in athletic. YABU he was just expanding on the point he’d made about himself.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 28/12/2021 20:10

Vom

Bebeschitt · 28/12/2021 20:11

Soft squishy size 16 here. Eating trifle.
Have a grip. And some trifle.

HeckyPeck · 28/12/2021 20:12

I suspect you'd be getting different replies if you hadn't mentioned your size OP.

I think it was a rude comment. No one wants to be compared unfavourably to other people.

I also think he could have just said sorry instead of saying you were being unreasonable.

Is it his idea to get you back to a size 6?

Cindercat · 28/12/2021 20:12

He meant fittest as in physical health not attractiveness, fgs.

And a soft squishy 8. Seriously. Give over.

irregularegular · 28/12/2021 20:13

I would have assumed he meant "fittest" in which case you are being over sensitive, especially as he was saying something similar about himself.

If he meant to make a comparison about attractiveness then that's just unreasonable behaviour in any context. I guess you know better than us how he is likely to use the word "fit".

Original poster
AndTime · 28/12/2021 20:14

He wasn't talking in terms of athleticness or physical ability.

I am very short so an 8 is soft around the tummy for me and my body type.

OP posts:
RedSquirrel111 · 28/12/2021 20:14

hello stealth boast waves

UserBot99 · 28/12/2021 20:15

A soft squishy size 8. Blimey.
Id stay away from the gym, sit in the library for a while, read up on feeling good enough, psychology or philosophy. Get in to your head a bit. You are more than your body. Go to a coffee shop and sit on your squishy arse while you drink coffee and read. Its more fun. I used to be "exorexix" so not judging but my obsession with exercise halted all emotional growth for a decade :-/

Sally872 · 28/12/2021 20:15

I think as he was finding the comparison to other men motivating his intention was to be helpful.

However it is very insensitive comparing HIMSELF to others is very different to you comparing him to others and that is why it is more hurtful.

Either way competing with others is not helpful to you (or healthy for most people) so now his insensitivity has been pointed out he should not make comments like this again.

Original poster
AndTime · 28/12/2021 20:16

I can 100% say he is talking in terms of attractiveness. I know him and how he would describe me. I am not fit as in sporty or athletic in any way. There is no possibility that he was discussing it in that way.

I also think I would have gotten different replies if I were bigger which I think is unfair. Everyone has their own body hang ups and mine aren't any less valid because I am generally slim.

OP posts:
snapsieplopp · 28/12/2021 20:16

Was it true though? I'm pretty fit but went to a circuit class once that was full on hardcore, I was definitely the crappiest!

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2021 20:17

@AndTime

I am not athletic at all he definitely meant in terms of attractiveness.

I will forget about it now, thanks for the reality check!

Why do you assume this though? He's talking about him being big, presumably in muscle so the fit comment, unless rubbing hands together and letching over some lycra clad teen, is about your FITNESS not if your phwoar fit. You assuming he means you're not the hottest woman there is all about your insecurities
snapsieplopp · 28/12/2021 20:17

A soft squishy 8

yeah that's a bit odd

snapsieplopp · 28/12/2021 20:18

Did he mean literally fittest, as in most athletic rather than best looking?

I assumed athletic

snapsieplopp · 28/12/2021 20:19

I am not athletic at all he definitely meant in terms of attractiveness.

Well he's been unreasonable to use fittest in that context since it's 2021 & he's over 30!

Babyvenusplant · 28/12/2021 20:19

I agree with you op, he didn't need to make that comment.

user14943608381 · 28/12/2021 20:20

@TheNeverEndingOver

A soft squishy 8
My thoughts exactly!

OP did you just post this to Regina George about weight loss (mean girls.. ‘I want to lose 3lbs’).

A soft squishy size 8? Frankly you and your partner as just as bad as each other for that comment. He body shamed you and now you’re doing it to all the other ‘soft and squishy size 8s’ and shock horror bigger sizes.
Shameful. Words matter, you should chose them wisely. Hurtful for lots of women to read

11GrumpsaGrumping · 28/12/2021 20:20

Honestly- it is an entirely non issue in my opinion!

Sally872 · 28/12/2021 20:20

Give the op a break, she is talking about how she feels about herself.

You can be a soft squishy 8 as in not toned or strong but slim. You can be a powerful and toned 12-14 who is much fitter.

snapsieplopp · 28/12/2021 20:20

Yes that is what he meant as he specifically pointed out how I was the fittest in our gym because I am the only female.

Surely that's a back handed compliment then

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 28/12/2021 20:20

I think you have a problem around body image or weight. Unless you are under 4ft tall there is no such thing as a soft squishy U.K. size 8.

You might also have a problem with your DP. What possible effect did he think his comment would have on you?

DietCokeChipsAndMayo · 28/12/2021 20:22

A soft squishy size 8 🤣

thebabessavedme · 28/12/2021 20:23

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