Was this comment hurtful?

[AndTime]

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

oh dear! no, i'm not fat, nor jealous, OP and her dp just sound dull.

who in the fuck makes comments like this while working out in the gym?, any gym? just get on with the workout surely? the whole thread seems a bit towie to me.

Hmmm seeing the same old shit as usual. I have also recently gone from a size 6 to what I would also describe as a soft and squishy 8 carrying weight where I never did before. As usual it's okay to question a the way a 'smaller' woman describes her weight but we would be flamed if we dared to begrudge a 'bigger' person causing themselves soft and squishy. Why can't people get that if your body size has changed be it from a 6 to a 8 or a 20 to a 22 you are perfectly entitled to feel areas are soft and squishy.

OP ignore anyone who judges you for being smaller than them it takes all types to make the world what it is. I would also be hurt by the comment it's just not needed and he could have quite easily kept the thoughts to himself.

Well its odd of him to compare his size to other men and then compare your attractiveness to other women. I would be really pissed off if you definitely think that's what he meant.
Yabu for some of your comments though.

@AndTime As I get older, I find it's better to bring it up with people if they made a comment that upset you.

Tell him- how he responds will also give you more knowledge of his character and you can

1. bin him
2. let it pass if he apologizes adequately for upsetting you
3. and/or chalk it up as one of his actions that haven't suited you, and monitor how many of those actions and words there are going forward. Decide what you do based on that 'tally.'

No, he’s not being mean. I think it’s totally normal body-building / gym bunny behaviour to view others around you as inspiration and it’s generally not seen as any sort of slight to chat about someone in the corner looking better or accepting that it is fairly inevitable. I know that doesn’t sit will either anyone with insecurities, but I’ve noticed that generally bodybuilders / lifters etc (I dated a pro who competed) view bodies in a very detached way and barely even notice the heads attached to them. Others in the gym are just bodies to critically appraise. I think I’d just tell him that it’s not helpful or welcome! I think if you are feeling so upset when you are only a size 8 and he’s already said you were the fittest in your old gym then it’s purely about your own insecurity rather than him being unreasonable or rude.

*Well with (not will either!)

I think if you are feeling so upset when you are only a size 8 and he’s already said you were the fittest in your old gym then it’s purely about your own insecurity rather than him being unreasonable or rude.

@Thwackit he said in the other gym you're the only girl so you're the fittest in there. So it wasn't a compliment. A statement of fact at most.

My sister's my fittest sister because I've only got one.

A soft squishy 8!? 🤣🤣🤣 Are you for real? How offensive. It’s nowhere near ‘’squishy’’

I do think you’d have got less hate if you’d not said size 8

It isn't the size 8, it's the 'soft squishy 8'.

See if op had said she was a size 16 but had crept up to an 18 there would have been much more sympathy IMO. Instead many of you are brushing off her insecurities as you think they shouldn’t exist due to her only being a size 8. Remember, slim people don’t always feel good about themselves as self esteem and confidence come from within.

I think it’s totally normal body-building / gym bunny behaviour to view others around you as inspiration and it’s generally not seen as any sort of slight to chat about someone in the corner looking better or accepting that it is fairly inevitable. I know that doesn’t sit will either anyone with insecurities, but I’ve noticed that generally bodybuilders / lifters etc (I dated a pro who competed) view bodies in a very detached way and barely even notice the heads attached to them. Others in the gym are just bodies to critically appraise.

Yes, I think absolutely this is connected to the 'sport' (? Is it a sport or a discipline?). The whole aim is to develop the muscles in the body in a very particular way (that is not necessarily functional). They are judged purely on how they look. It's where I take issue with it (hence my occasional cattiness about 'vanity gym). They do have admirable discipline and determination but that could tip over into being unhealthy.

Other sports seem to be more connected to health, fitness and enjoyment. The muscles form developed is functional, at least to the particular sport and the functionality does cross over into everyday life. Being able to run, swim, lift heavy objects and developing coordination are definitely skills useful in everyday life.

How offensive. It’s nowhere near ‘’squishy’’
Are you wearing OP'S body?
There's two very different size 8's, like there are different 10's and 12's you'll find some people are not toned & squishy whereas others are fit tight and firm depending on the exercise routine.
It isn't an insult to describe your body shape this way, it's fact.

If OP says she's squishy then maybe assume she knows what she is on about and she feels a bit squishy.

Thanks again to those that get what I meant. I said soft and squishy to describe that whilst slim I am not toned and firm. It is an accurate description of the changed to my own body.

I wasn't saying that size 8s are all soft and squishy or a size 8 is fat.

Those still saying that he didn't mean attractiveness - how can you tell someone's athletic ability by glancing at them in the gym? How would he know how I compare? Bigger is visual he was comparing himself visually to other men and then comparing me visually to the women.

Oh and I go to the gym because I like to eat and so to eat what I want I have to exercise to stay a healthy weight. I am not into body building, I don't want to compete against others in anyway. I just want to keep myself healthy whilst still enjoying all the food I like and not having to worry about what I am eating. I'm not a competitive person it just doesn't interest me.

@TheNeverEndingOver

A soft squishy 8

I roared

I am not into body building, I don't want to compete against others in anyway.

It sounds like your DP is, though. And not just on his own behalf! I think he is maybe assuming you are like him because you like to keep fit and a healthy weight.

I'm not competitive either, I like running alone and doing weights/resistance exercises at home. My DH and DS run too but are more interested in their times. Funnily enough, though, I run more than them!That's my secret to success, I just keep going. I might not be the best but a lot of people that are better speed wise etc give it up at some point.

Maybe this is your angle with him. My line is just that I love running. It relaxes me. You could just say the same for your workouts. I keep repeating it like a mantra!!!!

YABU, him saying they are more attractive than you literally makes no sense in that context at all when he was talking about himself athletically.

Those still saying that he didn't mean attractiveness - how can you tell someone's athletic ability by glancing at them in the gym? How would he know how I compare? Bigger is visual he was comparing himself visually to other men and then comparing me visually to the women.

Because they have toned arms, big glutes & legs, toned stomachs on show? Because they are lifting heavy and complex weights? Because you’ve noticed they’ve been doing one particular high intensity cardio exercise since you got to the gym and they aren’t dying in a corner so obviously have very high stamina? I am a regular gym goer and I can tell by a glance at someone when they are working out if they are fitter than me. You’re being dramatic.

him saying they are more attractive than you literally makes no sense in that context at all when he was talking about himself athletically.
Yep, I agree with this.
OP I've been on your side re squishy 8 however I believe his comment as related to fitness levels nothing based on attraction, fit can mean hot but not in the context of the conversation between you.

I thinks sports and exercise psychology is tricky. Especially when athletic physique starts getting mixed up with attractiveness. It's not all about competition, or times, or performance - sometimes it's deeper than that. Discipline, relaxation, routine, invigoration, getting way from mental chatter, feeling more in tune with your body are all positives from sport and exercise. People get different combinations of things from their sport and exercise. I wouldn't write him off as being hurtful just someone with a bit of a different perspective on what motivates people exercising and going to the gym,

@KatherineJaneway

I do think you’d have got less hate if you’d not said size 8

It isn't the size 8, it's the 'soft squishy 8'.

This. ^

It's a bit cringe!

Although, todays size 8 is yesteryear's size 12 anyway...

Although, todays size 8 is yesteryear's size 12 anyway... wink
Yes right, making the average size 16 yesteryear's size 20.
Did a size 20 now 24 exist back then.

@Emerald5hamrock

Although, todays size 8 is yesteryear's size 12 anyway... wink Yes right, making the average size 16 yesteryear's size 20. Did a size 20 now 24 exist back then.

I don't think size 24 DID exist!!! In the 1970s and 1980s (when I was a teen and in my 20s,) I was a size 12 (would be 8 in today's money,) and most women I knew were a size 10 to 14 (would a size 6 to 10 now.) And most of them weighed 8 and a half to 9 and a half stone. 10 to 10 and a half stone if they were a bit taller, like 5 ft 7 to 5 ft 9.

1 in 20 or so women I knew who were classed as a tiny bit chubby were a size 18 then (now labelled as a 14.) They'd be around 11 stone. 12 stone tops. Very VERY few people were very fat. Out of 1500 pupils in my local comp, you could count on the fingers of one hand the amount of children who were more than 4-5 stone overweight.

One girl who was about 5 ft 3 was about 18 stone, and her mother used to make her clothes for her, as she could never get any to fit. No idea why she was that size. Then a lad a year above me was around 5 ft 7 and 22 stone. He needed 2 seats on the bus on school trips. Again, I don't know why he was that size.

But as I said, people that big were very rare. And as I said, I don't remember anything over size 16 to 18 on the racks in the clothes shops.

I am 5 ft 5 and 12 stone now. I would have been classed as quite fat back in the 1970s and 1980s ... These days I am classed as relatively normal! I don't feel fat, and don't think I look it. On most weight charts I come up as being at the far end of 'ok' or on the very low end of overweight...

I reckon as little as 10 or 15 years ago, 12 stone at 5 ft 5 would have been classed as overweight, or even fat.