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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this comment hurtful?

177 replies

AndTime · 28/12/2021 19:45

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 22:11

I'd leave this thread as there is no sympathy for slim people on MN unless you're dying.

Hmm possibly not even then.

”Soft dying 8”

FFS. U lost me at 8. 😤🤬

Kassalah · 28/12/2021 22:12

YANBU - it was an insensitive thing to say.

peboh · 28/12/2021 22:14

He didn't mean attractiveness. That's pretty obvious. He meant physically fit. You're being over sensitive.

driftcompatible · 28/12/2021 22:16

Wow I've seen some stealth brags in my time but this is impressive.

Squishy 8. Hmm

I can't even with this place sometimes Confused

TheHamburgler · 28/12/2021 22:16

He didn't mean attractiveness. That's pretty obvious. He meant physically fit
Yup, seems really obvious from context.

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 22:20

I read it as fit as in attractive. He’s obviously quite insecure about being around bigger guys.

But even if you read it as meaning fit in the health sense, it’s still rude.

glimpsing · 28/12/2021 22:21

@driftcompatible you are being over sensitive. People with a small dress size can be squishy if they have a small frame and are not very muscular. Another person with a larger bone frame and muscles would look totally different at the same dress size.

Original poster
AndTime · 28/12/2021 22:25

Thanks to those that get it. I am taking a lot of these comments with a pinch of salt, my body is mine to judge as I see fit. I wouldn't criticise anyone else for their own opinion on their own body.

Those saying don't compare yourself, well that's the whole point, I wasn't! My OH did it on my behalf!

OP posts:
WreathSupreme · 28/12/2021 22:27

Is he mean at other times op? It was a clumsy and insensitive thing to say but if he’s not normally horrible then I’d try and forget it. Sometimes people say stupid things that they should really have kept as thoughts in their own mind.
And you’ve learned a lesson here tonight. Never mention having body insecurities on mn if you’re not obese.
I agree with a pp that for your own wellbeing, you should probably leave this thread now.

Yearonebesties · 28/12/2021 22:28

I’m interested in peoples definitions of ‘squishy’. For the majority, I think people are feeling that to be such a small size, there can’t be much to ‘squish’…
Sounds like your partner is increasing your self consciousness, op

glimpsing · 28/12/2021 22:29

My OH did it on my behalf!

He might be projecting and just assuming you feel the same as him. Maybe body building isn't the best for him. I mean a lot is about appearances with it. Maybe look at cross fit or triathlons. There the success depends on performance rather than looks.

glimpsing · 28/12/2021 22:36

I’m interested in peoples definitions of ‘squishy’. For the majority, I think people are feeling that to be such a small size, there can’t be much to ‘squish’

They've not seen many bodies then. I've still a bit of a belly overhang at size 8. Don't want to reduce dress size because at the moment it would take me underweight. Need to build muscles if I want to lose any more fat. I'm happy enough with the way I look, however. I'm fit, can easily run 10k and am much stronger than I used to be. Working on flexibility and coordination. There's a huge diversity in body shapes and types.

HikingforScenery · 28/12/2021 22:37

@AndTime

I can 100% say he is talking in terms of attractiveness. I know him and how he would describe me. I am not fit as in sporty or athletic in any way. There is no possibility that he was discussing it in that way.

I also think I would have gotten different replies if I were bigger which I think is unfair. Everyone has their own body hang ups and mine aren't any less valid because I am generally slim.

You’re not sporty or athletic at as a size 8, who trains regularly at the gym?
HikingforScenery · 28/12/2021 22:41

anyway as pp said, if the comment hurt you, that’s all that should agree to your DP and he should apologise for hurting you.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 28/12/2021 22:47

"Soft squishy 8" Feck off.

me4real · 28/12/2021 22:50

You’re not sporty or athletic at as a size 8, who trains regularly at the gym?

@HikingforScenery Two gyms. Smile

I can 100% say he is talking in terms of attractiveness. I know him and how he would describe me. I am not fit as in sporty or athletic in any way. There is no possibility that he was discussing it in that way.

@AndTime But he is saying that the other girls would motivate you to get fitter (that and his tongue was hanging out maybe.)

Seriously, if you're not all that into fitness is this the guy for you? As he seems pretty obsessed with it in a way that a lot of women would find unhealthy to be around.

I go to fitness classes (pre Omicron) but if I went to the gym with a bloke like that it'd be a different experience and I would enjoy it even less. Smile

If I were you I would do my fitness stuff separately from him. And try to get him to STFU about it and your body, unless maybe it's to give you compliments if you like those.

Does he have any other hobbies?

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 28/12/2021 22:54

You are a size 8...you have nothing 2 worry about!!!!

me4real · 28/12/2021 22:55

I get what OP means, or think I do. She means she's gone from the lower end of 6 to near the middle/upper end of 8. That's how I interpreted it, anyway.

But the whole thing is toxic to me as someone who has ED symptoms. I don't think this guy is good for OP either in this respect, or for most women.

thebabessavedme · 28/12/2021 22:56

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me4real · 28/12/2021 22:59

Nothing wrong with being an 8 of any kind, obviously. I just meant that's how I interpreted her comment. That she's anxious about it.

me4real · 28/12/2021 23:02

@thebabessavedme eh?

Sally872 · 28/12/2021 23:04

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EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 28/12/2021 23:07

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Justananimalcrossing · 28/12/2021 23:10

Couldn't you of thought of a better topic or "issue" to of thrown a stealth boast in? What where you seeking? Lots of comments telling you how they wished to be a size 8 etc? 🥱

me4real · 28/12/2021 23:11

This thread is so 'catty' for want of a better word. @AndTime You might have a better time on a 'pro-ana' forum- or ditch this guy who's amplifying all your insecurities, or tell him to STFU.