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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this comment hurtful?

177 replies

AndTime · 28/12/2021 19:45

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

OP posts:

Bunnyfuller · 28/12/2021 20:48

I think we may be seeking ‘oh, no, op, you’re so hot and slim and fit, what an idiot’.

It’s great you go to the gym, and I am sure you heart thanks you, If you go to feel slimmer/younger/better than other women it won’t help.

WonderfulYou · 28/12/2021 20:48

If you go to an independent gym and lift weights a few times a week - why aren't you athletic?

She probably is but it sounds like she has low self esteem so she probably sees herself as less athletic than she actually is.

WonderfulYou · 28/12/2021 20:53

I think we may be seeking ‘oh, no, op, you’re so hot and slim and fit, what an idiot’.

WTAF!!
It’s weird that you seem so jealous of someone you literally have no idea what she looks like.

OP has not given any indication that that’s what she’s after.
She’s started a thread saying how rubbish she feels. Why kick her when she’s down.

I dread to think how miserable some of these posters lives are that they hear a women is a smaller size than them and instantly attack her.
I’m actually embarrassed for them.

MN is meant to be a place where women can support each other, not drag each other down if we think someone is better than us. It’s pathetic.

Yousexybugger · 28/12/2021 20:56

If you know for sure he meant 'attractive' then that is incredibly rude, comparing you unfavourably to other women in terms of looks. Even if he meant 'athletic' he should have just left you out of his initial observation, you never asked to be compared to anyone. I agree you'd have got very different responses if you'd said you were a size 18. But some people are just very small framed and even a small weight gain shows.

RobotValkyrie · 28/12/2021 20:57

This thread is bonkers.

OP's partner was rude to project his own priorities and motivations onto her. Poor boundaries.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 20:58

I think we may be seeking ‘oh, no, op, you’re so hot and slim and fit, what an idiot’. absolutely nothing OP has said has given me that impression.

He is an idiot though.

SunshineCake1 · 28/12/2021 20:58

Had to read it a couple of times to get it but yea, being a bit daft there. Not a hurtful comment but if it hurt you ask why.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 20:58

@RobotValkyrie

This thread is bonkers.

OP's partner was rude to project his own priorities and motivations onto her. Poor boundaries.

I know right?!

me4real · 28/12/2021 20:59

He pretty much said the same thing about himself first.

But men should know women can be sensitive about these things.

And 'here there are lots of girls' does sound a bit wrong.

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 21:01

He pretty much said the same thing about himself first it's fine to say it about himself but not if he then uses that as a way to make it ok to make a dig at OP

SleepingStandingUp · 28/12/2021 21:01

Tbh op if he's stood there and basically said
This gym is good cos there's men bigger than me and women more attractive than you
I wouldn't be calling him my partner

pradavilla · 28/12/2021 21:04

Oh ffs was he thinking out loud. I'd feel the same and he's an idiot if he thinks it doesn't sound offensive it bloody is!

me4real · 28/12/2021 21:04

He didn't even quite say the same thing about you as he said about himself @AndTime - he said 'here there are lots of girls' not 'here there are lots of girls more sporty than you' or whatever.

His claiming that he was the biggest at the other gym was a bit boastful though (whether it's true or not, most people wouldn't say it about themselves openly.)

Viviennemary · 28/12/2021 21:04

Stop being so vain. Size 8. Gosh what a fatty

me4real · 28/12/2021 21:07

Oh ffs was he thinking out loud. I'd feel the same and he's an idiot if he thinks it doesn't sound offensive it bloody is!

@pradavilla Yep it is offensive/insensitive. And to be honest I'd be imagining his tongue hanging out when he mentioned the other girls.

Antsgomarching · 28/12/2021 21:10

@RobotValkyrie

This thread is bonkers.

OP's partner was rude to project his own priorities and motivations onto her. Poor boundaries.

Agree

powershowerforanhour · 28/12/2021 21:11

It was rude. He didn't quite say the same thing about himself- he basically said "At the old gym I was king of them all, you were the queen of one. Now we are both plebs". When OP wasn't even aware there was any sort of monarchy thing going on and didn't want to play that game.

Butchyrestingface · 28/12/2021 21:12

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

"A soft squishy 8"...

I. can't. breathe.

Somebody help me.

Strictly1 · 28/12/2021 21:19

Since when is a size 8 squishy!

ACCx · 28/12/2021 21:22

@AndTime OP don’t listen to some of the comments on here. I think you have triggered some people by saying soft and squishy. I’m not to sure why. I’m a size 6 but after a c section my tummy is soft and squishy and it often gets me down to!! You have every right to be hurt by your partners comment as you say he meant it as in fit/attractive which is not on. He’s basically saying ‘you’re not the fittest in this gym’ which doesn’t really need to be said does it? I’d be upset to. Sending hugs and like I say ignore some of these comments. Nothing wrong with being unhappy with your size no matter if you’re a size 8, 16, 4.

olympicsrock · 28/12/2021 21:24

Get a grip... you have body dysmorphism

ACCx · 28/12/2021 21:28

@olympicsrock body dysmorphia is a mental health disorder and is very cruel of you to say ‘get a grip’ if you believe someone is suffering with this.

Tinacollada · 28/12/2021 21:28

I don't even really understand what he said ?!

Then again I don't understand why I would want go to the gym with my DP, even if I liked it

TatianaBis · 28/12/2021 21:30

He was obviously feeling insecure about his size compared to other guys, and trying to bring you into the same ballpark as him. It's ok that he's not the biggest as you're not the fittest here.

Of course all the overweight women here will take it very personally that you're a size 8. Many will simply not believe you can be a squishy 8 because in their imagination 8 = stick.

Emerald5hamrock · 28/12/2021 21:31

His word's were clumsy.

You or me or 95% of women will never be the most attractive woman in a gym, appearances are a full-time job for some of the 5% who are exercising in a full face of makeup.

My DP could spout something equally clumsy based on his insecurities.

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