Was this comment hurtful?

[AndTime]

Do and I usually train in a small independent body building gym but because of the opening hours we have joined a bigger commercial gym for the holiday period too.

We were in there training and so says - one thing about this gym, there are lots of bigger guys so I'm not the biggest, it makes me want to push more. Like in our gym your the only girl so you are the fittest but in here, there are lots of girls.

Now I don't think for one second that one am the fittest person anywhere, I just don't need it pointing out by my partner in direct comparison to the multitude of young slim women around me at that time.

I just felt it was unnecessary and hurtful.

Dp thinks I am being ridiculous to be hurt by it. I wouldn't dream of making him feel inadequate for or insecure so maybe I am being overly sensitive.

I am already insecure about the fact I have gained a stone in the year we have been together taking me from a slim 6 to a soft squishy 8.

Go to a coffee shop and sit on your squishy arse while you drink coffee and read. Its more fun

😀

I am not judging any one else at all, on me, a small woman with an apple shape I feel soft and squishy right now compared to how I was a stone lighter.

Women come in all shapes and sizes and what suits one might not suit another. I am allowed to feel however I want about my own body without that being a reflection on anyone else!

Well i don't know about you but seeing fit girls all around me makes me want to work out harder. If they can do it so can I.

I'd imagine that's what hes thinking and for me it makes perfecr sense but to each his own.

BTW I'd probably not make such a remark to someone who struggled with their weight, had eating or body image issues but you don't seem to have that? Just self-conscious?

He sounds insecure, if not downright body dysmorphic. And is he like, "pushing harder" to show off to the women in the new gym? (95% of whom will not notice or give a fuck, unless they are completely looks obssesed).

Quit the gym as a means to honing some transient, picture- perfect body and take up swimming or tennis or karate or wild swimming or whatever the hell. Otherwise you're just feeding each other's insecurities.

Wow people are genuinely horrible here tonight. How on Earth can you judge if someone is boring or not based on their size.

You have no idea what we spend the rest of our time doing.

OP you know him and if he meant it in terms of attractiveness and not muscle definition / strength then yeah that’s a shit thing to say.
What he’s essentially saying is there are far more attractive women here than you, my partner.

Which any woman on this site would find offensive. And anyone who disagrees is lying. Because even if you’re confident in yourself and don’t feel insecure about more attractive women or your partner finding others more attractive, you’d have enough self esteem and worth to also know that a partner actively pointing out more attractive women to your face is disrespectful and insensitive.

I do think you’d have got less hate if you’d not said size 8 - obviously the average women on mn is not a size 8 and does not weight train.
But that’s not your fault - that’s there’s.
Nothing brings out the hate more than insecurity

Also I'm about 5 feet... not squishy? Yes I have fat around my tummy but I can also see how toned I am.

I'd suggest pole dancing to make u feel better about urself

It's a bit strange that he definitely wouldn't use 'fittest' to mean fit when he's into bodybuilding and you were in a gym at the time
He's NU to point out that neither of you are the fittest in a bigger gym.

soft squishy 8 is as bad as snapped and farted 🤣🤣🤣

Can’t believe pp are telling you this is ok
It isn’t
If it was a clumsy mistake he should’ve just said sorry and reassured you when you brought it up

But ‘soft squishy size 8’ is a truly stupid thing to say
So YABU

@powershowerforanhour

He sounds insecure, if not downright body dysmorphic. And is he like, "pushing harder" to show off to the women in the new gym? (95% of whom will not notice or give a fuck, unless they are completely looks obssesed).

Quit the gym as a means to honing some transient, picture- perfect body and take up swimming or tennis or karate or wild swimming or whatever the hell. Otherwise you're just feeding each other's insecurities.

Where did the OP say he’s pushing harder to look good to women? Body builders and weight lifters are motivated by competition. By pushing their body to a place that 99% of people will not and probably cannot. It’s a genuine sport and being motivated by bigger guys in the gym is a valid source of motivation. No different than being motivated by someone in the pool doing fast laps.

Very odd for him to flip from him and muscle size to you and attractiveness in the one sentence, it does read like yoire trying to turn it to get responses on your side as you don’t like the fact folks pointed out you were being unreasonable. So decided to throw him under the bus totally.

OP,

You know how he said it.
You know what he meant.

It was rude and unnecessary if he meant your fitness/attractiveness.

Rude and unnecessary.

I would not be impressed.

Listen to your gut.
Trust it.

Some of the replies on here...🤦
OP is allowed to feel 'soft and squishy' at size 8, size 10, ANY size.
I say that as someone who has felt shit at size 8 and size 16.

You know why going to the gym is good for you, right?

If you think it’s to look young and slim your motivation may change.

You sound like a snowflake

YABU and are projecting your own insecurities.
He didn’t mean to offend you.

It is true that you (like him) won’t be the fittest person in there.
That will be like most places you go as there is of course always going to be someone fitter. Like there will always be smarter, prettier, richer etc people.

You need to stop comparing yourself to other people. Focus on your positives.

Do you and him normally train together?

I don’t know many couples that go to the gym together so I’m wondering if actually you’re just spending a bit too much time together.

I'd be hurt by this OP.

I agree if you'd not mentioned your size some people wouldn't have been as mean

If you go to an independent gym and lift weights a few times a week - why aren't you athletic?

You're doing something wrong if working out is making you fit!

I also think you're being over sensitive. You're assuming what he meant but his comment was definitely more about how a small fish in a big pond makes you realise you aren't as fit etc as you thought you were.

@amy85

You sound like a snowflake

Are people still using snowflake as an insult? It's getting a bit old now.

I don't know if that was his motivation, that's why I asked. I know that lots of body builders are motivated by competition, like those extreme dog grooming competitions where people compete to clip their poodle so it looks more like a camel than anybody else's poodle. Or whatever. If everybody's happy and nobody is fucking up their heart with anabolic steroids or their kidneys with ridiculous amounts of protein then that's dandy. But if somebody is not having fun, like the OP, say, then it's time to do something else, whether it's another sport or sitting on one's comfortably squishy arse drinking nice coffee and reading a book.

@AndTime sorry pp are being so bloody mean. I knew what you meant and you're just as entitled to feel like that as anyone is, no matter their size.
Everyone has their own body issues, whatever their size. I used to be a size 26. I'm now a toned size 10 and I still don't like my body due to my own insecurities. At a size 26 I always thought I'd be over the moon to be slim, but it doesn't always work out that way as what goes on in our heads doesn't always make sense. I'm still not happy with how I look, yet when I was fat and I heard slim people moan about being big or whatever I used to think you have no idea, how dare you.... now I know better.