Not sure anting Dh to go to New Years party

[winkyl]

We hosted Xmas for PIL and SIL families. SIL left already bit PIL are leaving tomorrow. This morning Dh told me that he has been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve. I was thinking we would have relaxed home party as a family after hosting Xmas. AIBU want to him stay with us?

@Bettysnow

I would be annoyed if i were you. To me the end of the old year and beginning of the new year should be spent with those you love especially your partner. Seeing the old year out and the new year in is wanting to be with someone you love(unless you, they have to work) Its a time for reflection, plans and hopes for the future side by side

Agree with this.

What you did and who you hosted at Christmas is irrelevant for me. Your DH not wanting to spend NYE with his wife and kids is really strange. I've never not seen a NYE in with my DH since we got together. Even the one year he felt unwell, I went to family party with DC (he told me to so he could sleep/rest), and we all came home at 11.30 to see new year in with DH.

@Bettysnow

I would be annoyed if i were you. To me the end of the old year and beginning of the new year should be spent with those you love especially your partner. Seeing the old year out and the new year in is wanting to be with someone you love(unless you, they have to work) Its a time for reflection, plans and hopes for the future side by side

Only arbitrarily. I don’t do any reflecting or hoping for the future specifically. Might have a drink though.

@BluebellsGreenbells

No, it’s one night, and over rated at that. just wouldn’t bother me at all if he went out to a party without me. Kids have never really stayed up until midnight at that age. I have to see the fireworks, but could t really careless!

But the OP does care. That's the difference.

Noone invites someone without their partner on NYE.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I can't imagine anyone hosting a NYE party and specifically stating that someone can't bring their partner.

He wants to go without his wife.

“Mike, Steve, Colin and Graham are coming along to mine on NYE…you up for it?”

I think that’s fairly normal invite stuff.

@pictish

“Mike, Steve, Colin and Graham are coming along to mine on NYE…you up for it?”

I think that’s fairly normal invite stuff.

Only if they're all single men .......

I mean really…some of you sound so inflexible. It’s all arbitrary…you can do whatever you like.

There are no rules unless you impose them.

Not whatsoever…Colin’s gf is at her parents, Graham’s wife is having her pal round, Mike’s wife isn’t arsed and Steve is single.
That’s what’s in my imagination. Why not?

I'm really chilled and flexible - both me and DH socialise separately regularly. We both had multiple Christmas nights out and have both done separate things this week.....

However, I wouldn't actively choose to go to a party without DH on NYE and I especially wouldn't leave him looking after DS while I went out because we both like to socialise and it would be unfair.

It's totally different if both of you are happy to spend NYE apart.

However, the OP has already stated that she isn't happy. She has spent Christmas hosting his family and now she wants to celebrate NYE with her husband. It's him that is being inflexible and inconsiderate.

@pictish

Not whatsoever…Colin’s gf is at her parents, Graham’s wife is having her pal round, Mike’s wife isn’t arsed and Steve is single. That’s what’s in my imagination. Why not?

If they've all chosen that then fine. But if one of them is leaving an unhappy wife at home with the kids then that's different.

@pictish

I mean really…some of you sound so inflexible. It’s all arbitrary…you can do whatever you like.

Except when you're in a relationship you should be taking your partners feelings into consideration and have children you can't just do what you like. The OPs DH is assuming that the OP will be responsible for childcare while he goes out.

I think its rude too. If I'd hosted dh family over Xmas I definitely would not expect to then spend new year on my own.

I suppose I’m thinking of the posts that imply that couples must spend new year together. We don’t have to.

You all make good points otherwise but honestly, if he’s in the mind set to go now, he’ll be no company at home. Whether that becomes the hill to die on or not is up to the OP.
Either way, someone is going end up pissed off, which is a shame.

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin

I think if it was a regular Friday or Saturday night then no problem but New year's eve is a bit different.

^This in spades!

@SpinsForGin

Noone invites someone without their partner on NYE.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I can't imagine anyone hosting a NYE party and specifically stating that someone can't bring their partner.

He wants to go without his wife.

Exactly this.

“Dave, fancy NYE round at mine?” Sure, DW and I would love to come”. “Great, see you both then”

The inviter might not be surprised if Dave, by agreement with his DW, comes alone (especially as there are kids to take into account), but no way would he expect that, or be annoyed if the DW did come.

The DH here is spinning the invitation to suit himself.

@HaveringWavering Would the invitee though be allowed to be surprised/annoyed if Dave also came with his DC?

If the host doesn't have a family their house party might not be ideal for kids.

[quote newname12345]@HaveringWavering Would the invitee though be allowed to be surprised/annoyed if Dave also came with his DC?

If the host doesn't have a family their house party might not be ideal for kids.[/quote]
Then her DH sends his apologies and spends the evening with his wife and kids.

So everything is about his needs. He even got the lift before discussing it with you.

He's taking you for granted, hence the PIL staying over, (how much did he contribute to that) then coming back at Feb half term (sod that) and inviting themselves for Christmas!!! So they are taking you for granted to. Can you Say no, you have other plans, they all assume so much?

As for the party, he's had his wider family now it's time for your family and a break for you as and he wants to do his own thing? Utterly Selfish behaviour.

@SpinsForGin I wasn't saying he should go. I was just saying why a partner might not be invited if that meant the kids would come as well (ie its the kids not being welcome rather than the partner).

"Then her DH sends his apologies and spends the evening with his wife and kids."

Ugh. Like there's no other option or a compromise to be found.
I don't live my life this way...all sounds too restrictive to me.

YANBU OP. I’d be really hurt if my DH wanted to celebrate NY separately (especially if it meant assuming I’d be the one to look after the children!).

What would happen if you decided to go out too and left finding a babysitter to him?

The party is unimportant in the scheme of things.

You being a skivvy to his family endlessly is the real issue.

He sounds like a selfish waster and you sound like a complete doormat.

I would not be hosting his family again for someone so selfish.

I am really angry on your behalf OP.
You don't seem to be considered/consulted in any of this - from visitors (who you don't really like) inviting themselves for extended stays to your H disappearing off to parties without a thought for you.

Is the rest of your marriage like this?

I'd be seriously considering relationship counselling or questioning the future of the relationship right now.

[quote newname12345]@SpinsForGin I wasn't saying he should go. I was just saying why a partner might not be invited if that meant the kids would come as well (ie its the kids not being welcome rather than the partner).[/quote]
Wouldn't you just invite both members of a couple but explain its a child free event. Then it's up to the couple to work out childcare arrangements.

I'd be pretty pissed off if DH got invited and the host just assumed I'd be looking after the children so therefore didn't extend the invite to me. In fact, I don't know anyone who would do that.