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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure anting Dh to go to New Years party

217 replies

winkyl · 28/12/2021 10:43

We hosted Xmas for PIL and SIL families. SIL left already bit PIL are leaving tomorrow. This morning Dh told me that he has been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve. I was thinking we would have relaxed home party as a family after hosting Xmas. AIBU want to him stay with us?

OP posts:
newname12345 · 28/12/2021 14:24

Weird that he's invited to a NYE party (work related or not) and a partner isn't invited.

Really depends on the type of party. If he works with a lot of single men, and they are planning a poker night (or similar) then not weird at all.

BarefootHippieChick · 28/12/2021 14:35

@winkyl

I have met the guy before. He is dh's previous phd student. I think the rest of the people going to the party are younger and not having a family.

Sorry but I find this even more weird that he'd rather spend the evening with a bunch of younger people (and ex students?) Hopefully he's not sulking too much about not going

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 15:10

Yes very weird.

riromay · 28/12/2021 15:14

@newname12345

Weird that he's invited to a NYE party (work related or not) and a partner isn't invited.

Really depends on the type of party. If he works with a lot of single men, and they are planning a poker night (or similar) then not weird at all.

Yes, it's extremely weird for them to expect him to ditch his wife on NYE.

Everything about this is super odd ..

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2021 15:24

@JudyGemstone

I’m leaving my partner home alone on NYE, he’s working early the next day so will be in bed by 10 and I’d rather be out with friends than sat downstairs on my own - I didn’t realise this was considered inappropriate.
Is that the same situation?

No.

peaceanddove · 28/12/2021 15:25

I'm generally considered a very easy going wife but I would not be happy about this. At all. Something isn't right, here

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2021 15:25

@gamerchick

And he's dropping me off. I'd be a bit Hmm if he forbade me from going. We don't know what's going to happen from one week to the next with this virus. Accept all invitations imo.
Why do people try and compare with situations that are entirely different?
CheddarGorgeous · 28/12/2021 15:57

If he's an academic that (slightly) makes sense. He's been invited by younger people with no expectation he'll actually go, his colleagues with kids/wives won't go but he's hankering after his young single days and imagining that he's part of the cool crowd.

Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 16:02

Yes. He is academic but remained in contact with his first phd student who graduated years ago. I think the guy he was supposed to get lift was one of his students or post docs.

I think I am quite fed up of hosting and moody especially when FIL mentioned that they are coming in February half term again. I think I book a flight to see my own parents.

OP posts:
gogohm · 28/12/2021 16:12

To be honest it's sounds like an academic thing. Lots of overseas staff most without kids so normal to have staff parties at Christmas/new year however I always got invited as a spouse and we brought the kids with us (complete with colouring books, Nintendo ds's then moved onto tablets) there was typically a handful of kids too who got to know each other over the years, latterly mine as teens babysat for younger colleagues kids. I miss some of that lifestyle post divorce tbh but life is better overall

SpinsForGin · 28/12/2021 16:34

I think the guy he was supposed to get lift was one of his students or post docs

He's clearly been invited out of politeness and it's not really appropriate for him to ditch his family to party with his current or previous students.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 28/12/2021 17:37

@Notonthestairs

I'd be reviewing my relationship if DH wanted to leave me on my own for NYE.
Me too and l am really chilled out in general but l think this would be a deal breaker
Original poster
winkyl · 30/12/2021 18:55

Ffs! I started to talk about what we will do tomorrow night and he said he is going to the party. Apparently he didn't want to cause a scene when he last said he is not going. PIL we're here I guess that's why.

OP posts:
Jumpingintomenopause · 30/12/2021 19:07

What a dick.

Kite22 · 30/12/2021 19:48

So, if he didn't want to admit he was still intending to go in front of his parents, it kind of suggests that he realises it is unacceptable.

Juniper68 · 30/12/2021 19:49

Nice of him Hmm

gosling24 · 30/12/2021 19:50

YANBU to be upset or annoyed. Parties with people you have not met recently, what a lovely way to increase your chances of getting Covid 19.

Juniper68 · 30/12/2021 19:57

@gosling24

YANBU to be upset or annoyed. Parties with people you have not met recently, what a lovely way to increase your chances of getting Covid 19.
It's gone through SIL's family. All niece's friends. Who all partied together. Mil saw them and she's in her 80s but seems ok so far?

Your 'd'h isn't being kind to you or responsible. He's selfish.

garlictwist · 30/12/2021 19:57

My DH is going to a NYE party without me and I am absolutely fine with that, I don't see the need for us to see the new year in together. But I guess the difference is I could go if I really wanted, it's more odd that you're not invited.

SpinsForGin · 30/12/2021 19:58

It's so inappropriate for many reasons .....and he knows it.

Original poster
winkyl · 30/12/2021 20:13

I am really annoyed. He says in the party will be colleagues he hasn't seen for years so he wants to go. I didn't get an answer why rest of us weren't invited.

I am sure his parents know about the party and probably are happy for him.

OP posts:
UsernameInTheTown · 30/12/2021 20:16

Start packing his stuff and send him home with Mummy and Daddy.

MrsBerthaRochester · 30/12/2021 23:07

Hmm really.

SpellBounds · 30/12/2021 23:17

Genuinely with all this PIL shit and how your DH is behaving I'd be working on leaving this marriage. What a twat. Also who comes to stay for a WEEK with this sons family at Christmas. That's insane.

pictish · 30/12/2021 23:17

I’ll be accused of being a ‘cool wife’ but if he wants to go, then he should. He’s an adult. You’re not joined at the hip. He wants to catch up with people he hasn’t seen for ages. You didn’t get an invite because it’s old work friends and you don’t factor in that. None of my colleagues invite dh along to stuff they invite me to.
You can still have your relaxing evening, nice food, good viewing.
No point making him stay under duress, you won’t enjoy his company and he’ll resent having to be there. Wave him off and take the time back for yourself on another occasion.

That’s how I’d go about. I appreciate its not going to be a popular opinion but there you have it.

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