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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure anting Dh to go to New Years party

217 replies

winkyl · 28/12/2021 10:43

We hosted Xmas for PIL and SIL families. SIL left already bit PIL are leaving tomorrow. This morning Dh told me that he has been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve. I was thinking we would have relaxed home party as a family after hosting Xmas. AIBU want to him stay with us?

OP posts:
piney07 · 30/12/2021 23:24

YANBU as husband and wife should spend NYE together - at a party or at home - unless some particular reason. Very rude of host to only invite him! And bad of your husband to accept!

gamerchick · 30/12/2021 23:38

@pictish

I’ll be accused of being a ‘cool wife’ but if he wants to go, then he should. He’s an adult. You’re not joined at the hip. He wants to catch up with people he hasn’t seen for ages. You didn’t get an invite because it’s old work friends and you don’t factor in that. None of my colleagues invite dh along to stuff they invite me to. You can still have your relaxing evening, nice food, good viewing. No point making him stay under duress, you won’t enjoy his company and he’ll resent having to be there. Wave him off and take the time back for yourself on another occasion.

That’s how I’d go about. I appreciate its not going to be a popular opinion but there you have it.

Nah I agree.

I didn't even have a conversation. It was ' sarahs invited me to hers for new years, would you drop me off please?' he said 'nah you can walk' with a grin. Then 'i'll get some cash out for a taxi back'.

I think he's looking forward to the telly to himself personally.

Bit looking at some of the replies, the poor buggers going to take his shit in binbags with him.

gamerchick · 30/12/2021 23:40

@piney07

YANBU as husband and wife should spend NYE together - at a party or at home - unless some particular reason. Very rude of host to only invite him! And bad of your husband to accept!
Don't be ridiculous. The ball and chain thing on marriage isnt real yanno.
BluebellsGreenbells · 30/12/2021 23:41

YANBU as husband and wife should spend NYE together - at a party or at home - unless some particular reason

Nothing in my marriage certificate to say that! Utterly ridiculous. See no issue in spending NYE or any other night apart.

DH works away and has missed birthdays and anniversaries - we do it another time - because we’re adults.

KiloWhat · 30/12/2021 23:42

@piney07

YANBU as husband and wife should spend NYE together - at a party or at home - unless some particular reason. Very rude of host to only invite him! And bad of your husband to accept!
Is this a joke?
NumberTheory · 30/12/2021 23:45

I cannot believe it’s a work New Years Eve party to which partners are not invited.

I understand they may by younger and not married, but many of them will still have romantic partners and it’s just not something most people would do.

So I’d be most pissed off that
He would even consider a New Years Eve party I wasn’t invited to, but I also see your point OP that you’ve put up with a crappy Christmas that wasn’t really what you like for him And now the inlaws are left you expect him to put a bit of effort into showing you how much he appreciates that effort - not have m dump you for something else that suits him better. He is seriously selfish.

BluebellsGreenbells · 30/12/2021 23:47

OR maybe he also had a rough time with his parents - I mean who wants them there all week, OP choose to relax, DO chooses to blow off the cobwebs with a boozy night out.

I know which I’d choose.

MadeForThis · 30/12/2021 23:52

Get a babysitter and tell him you're going too.

Or better yet- tell him to organise the sitter.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 30/12/2021 23:53

I’d be a bit upset if DH went to a party and left me at home with the kids. He often has nights out etc but on nye we always enjoy a night in together to welcome in the new year.

It does however sound like you had a plan in your head which he wasn’t aware of, so didn’t know what you were thinking or feeling. That’s how I read your post anyway.

Exasperatedhousehunter · 30/12/2021 23:58

@pictish

I’ll be accused of being a ‘cool wife’ but if he wants to go, then he should. He’s an adult. You’re not joined at the hip. He wants to catch up with people he hasn’t seen for ages. You didn’t get an invite because it’s old work friends and you don’t factor in that. None of my colleagues invite dh along to stuff they invite me to. You can still have your relaxing evening, nice food, good viewing. No point making him stay under duress, you won’t enjoy his company and he’ll resent having to be there. Wave him off and take the time back for yourself on another occasion.

That’s how I’d go about. I appreciate its not going to be a popular opinion but there you have it.

I agree with this. Let him go. I certainly wouldn't be looking to leave the marriage over this either - people are totally ridiculous on here sometimes. Presumably you don't really know the person whose party it is so I don't think it's so outrageous that you haven't been invited. Maybe the guy has a small flat or something - whatever, it's really not obligatory to invite people's partners if you don't know them.
PinkSyCo · 31/12/2021 00:04

I think it’d be really selfish of him to go off and leave you alone on NYE, especially after you’ve been hosting his family over Christmas! A decent man would ask if it’d be to bring DW ( strange that you weren’t included in the invite imo) and if not refuse the invitation.

1967buglet · 31/12/2021 00:07

He’s going to go anyhow, but I can see why OP is annoyed. She hosted his parents for a week to suit her DH and maybe she wanted an evening with her DH and family by themselves to celebrate. . But his work colleagues seem to be more important to her husband. And then the holidays end, he goes back to work, and when half term comes, the OP is stuck hosting her husband’s parents again. When do they have a holiday without his parents?

SpinsForGin · 31/12/2021 00:12

Choosing to spend NYE with colleagues instead of with your wife when your wife has explicitly stated she isn't happy with the arrangement is pretty shitty.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 31/12/2021 00:13

I think if it was a regular Friday or Saturday night then no problem but New year's eve is a bit different.

Highfivemum · 31/12/2021 00:16

I think the issue is not him going but him not considering your feelings. We all have different relationships some want to be together on New Year’s Eve some don’t mind if their apart. To me the issue is if you are not happy about it he should consider that.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 31/12/2021 00:38

Why the fuck would anyone stay married to this piece of shit?Shock

FuckeryIsAfoot · 31/12/2021 00:40

DH works away and has missed birthdays and anniversaries - we do it another time - because we’re adults

You don't see the difference then?

Flickflak · 31/12/2021 00:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

BluebellsGreenbells · 31/12/2021 00:48

No, it’s one night, and over rated at that. just wouldn’t bother me at all if he went out to a party without me. Kids have never really stayed up until midnight at that age. I have to see the fireworks, but could t really careless!

Yuledo · 31/12/2021 00:51

After hosting his family - nah he doesn’t get to bugger off.

No probs at any other time.

piney07 · 31/12/2021 00:54

@KiloWhat haha not at all! I do plenty of stuff without my DP and am very happy for him to go off on nights out with his friends without me, but NYE is a really special occasion (at least in our household) so it would be completely mad to me to celebrate separately unless some particular valid reason.

I would be really peeved if my DP accepted an invite to a party on NYE that for some bizarre reason has no plus 1s.

But I would literally never be put in that situation because DP (and every ex DP) wouldn’t say yes to this as it’s so strange - catch up with your work mates on any other weekend OR invite your wife to the party.

Sidehustle99 · 31/12/2021 02:16

NYE is not an occasion for colleagues old or new. It is also unlikely they would have explicitly said do not bring your wife. It looks like he doesn't want you to cramp his style and he seems fairly determined to go. Does he always get his way with everything OP.

Can you get a babysitter for the night and tag along. If he's got an issue with that you will know you have a more serious problem. Do you know who the lift giver is?

PicaK · 31/12/2021 02:31

There's that saying that when people tell you who they are you should listen.
He's horrible.
Noone invites someone without their partner on NYE.
He's choosing to go without you.
He doesn't want you there. Whether it's to pull someone else or just not be with you.
Ask him to show you the invite.
He's abandoning you and he knows he's in the wrong.
I would honestly respond to this as a declaration of disrespect for your marriage.
Dies he want to separate? Do you want to stay together?

Bettysnow · 31/12/2021 02:36

I would be annoyed if i were you. To me the end of the old year and beginning of the new year should be spent with those you love especially your partner. Seeing the old year out and the new year in is wanting to be with someone you love(unless you, they have to work) Its a time for reflection, plans and hopes for the future side by side

JuneJuly · 31/12/2021 03:01

@BluebellsGreenbells

No, it’s one night, and over rated at that. just wouldn’t bother me at all if he went out to a party without me. Kids have never really stayed up until midnight at that age. I have to see the fireworks, but could t really careless!
But OP is bothered and does care, and her DH is disregarding that. That is the issue.
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