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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure anting Dh to go to New Years party

217 replies

winkyl · 28/12/2021 10:43

We hosted Xmas for PIL and SIL families. SIL left already bit PIL are leaving tomorrow. This morning Dh told me that he has been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve. I was thinking we would have relaxed home party as a family after hosting Xmas. AIBU want to him stay with us?

OP posts:
foreverandalways · 28/12/2021 11:38

Tell him to go and not come back...taking the piss....my husband would never leave me alone at new year and certainly not go to a party without me...

gamerchick · 28/12/2021 11:39

And he's dropping me off. I'd be a bit Hmm if he forbade me from going. We don't know what's going to happen from one week to the next with this virus. Accept all invitations imo.

NotDonna · 28/12/2021 11:39

@JudyGemstone I’m assuming you’ve both discussed this though and are both happy with this arrangement? That’s different to the OP.

Notonthestairs · 28/12/2021 11:41

@gamerchick well if he's dropping you off you've clearly had a chat and come to an agreement- that is not what has happened here.

youcancallmeow · 28/12/2021 11:42

l'd be fucking raging that i wasn't invited and dh was ok with it

2pinkginsplease · 28/12/2021 11:42

There is no way dh would leave me alone on New Year’s Eve or Hogmanay as we call it in Scotland!

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 11:42

@Notonthestairs

I'd be reviewing my relationship if DH wanted to leave me on my own for NYE.
This with bells on.
diddl · 28/12/2021 11:43

So when you say "we hosted"-do you mean you?

I agree that couples don't have to do everything together but he could have asked-or better still, not wanted to go without Op!

NotDonna · 28/12/2021 11:45

@gamerchick your DH is invited though. The OP isn’t.
We aren’t joined at the hip either and if I fancied a night in and DH wanted to go to a party I’d be fine about it but we’d discuss it and agree.
OP - when did you find out about the party? And did DH say you’re definitely not invited? If you were invited, would you go? If you wouldn’t go anyway then it’s really no big deal if he goes alone. You can have a very selfish evening (once kids in bed!)

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2021 11:45

@autumnboys

I wonder if you are invited but he knows you are unlikely to be able to get a baby sitter?

That is a ridiculously long time for your PIL to stay, by the way.

Yup. No way anyone says you can’t bring your partner. It’s him that’s saying it,
Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 11:46

He was going out with PIL with the dogs so quickly informed me and out they went. I am waiting for them to come back and I will talk to Dh.

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 28/12/2021 11:47

Why did you cook and clear up for a week after his family??? What did he do?

No wonder you're pissed off. A NYE party invite for him and not you? That's not on.

Is he generally a selfish git, or is this new?

MrsBerthaRochester · 28/12/2021 11:49

Why are you so passive about this op? You simply tell him its not happening. If he goes then binbags waiting at door upon his return.
I dont believe you werent invited either. He just doesnt want you there.

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 11:49

I'd say you feel I'll and take to bed for a few days. Let him get on with it.

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 11:49

Ill*

thetinsoldier · 28/12/2021 11:49

And why do PIL stay for a week?? I'd be ending that too. Two days max, your h cleans, shops, cooks, clears.

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 11:49

Oh he definitely doesn't want OP there

Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 11:51

PIL have already invited themselves for next Xmas. But I will leave 27th to visit my parents abroad so he can host.

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 28/12/2021 11:56

I'm normally extremely chilled and need loads of space in my relationship but this would seriously piss me off. Rude and dubious for the host not to have invited you, thoughtless of him to accept without considering you and it sounds as if you've looked after and catered for his entire family for days on end.

What's your relationship like in general terms, outside of this incident?

doitwithlove · 28/12/2021 11:57

I would give him the options of you stay at home as a family on NYE or
He goes to the party & his bags will be on the doorstep when he returns.

Absolute disgusting behaviour on his behalf

CagneyNYPD1 · 28/12/2021 11:58

There is something very odd about this situation. The ex colleague can invite who they want. What is odd is that your DH thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to go on his own. So acceptable that he did3even discuss it with you first. That's strange.

Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 11:58

I had a chat with him and he is not going. I told him all the points and he agreed to stay at home. I can see that he is a bit annoyed but I am annoyed of hosting.

OP posts:
BeKind2022 · 28/12/2021 12:00

He is showing you zero respect and sorry to be blunt but I would suspect he is using the chance to meet a OW.

Like a PP my ex did this - came home at 11pm on NYE though after banging his mistress and sulked and was abusive as clearly wanted to be with her not me. That was the night I first suspected something was going on. I ended the marriage a month later and have had a very happy few years without him.

I would be tempted to casually ask to see the invite on his phone when he gets back - you will know by his reaction is he is lying or hiding something.

Helpstopthepain · 28/12/2021 12:00

Why have you done all the hosting with his family?

I would tell him ‘great, but make sure you organise a babysitter as I’m out with my friends’.

peboh · 28/12/2021 12:00

DH is currently undecided on going to a nye party at his friends. However, it was a decision by both of us that if he chooses to go, he can on his own as we can't get childcare, nor am I fussed about doing anything nye. He spent 6 months in this hospital this year though, so I'm encouraging him to spend time with his friends.
Any other time then it would be a no. So yes your DH is being rude to have not even discussed options with you or invited you.

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