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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure anting Dh to go to New Years party

217 replies

winkyl · 28/12/2021 10:43

We hosted Xmas for PIL and SIL families. SIL left already bit PIL are leaving tomorrow. This morning Dh told me that he has been invited to a house party on New Year's Eve. I was thinking we would have relaxed home party as a family after hosting Xmas. AIBU want to him stay with us?

OP posts:
Helpstopthepain · 28/12/2021 12:01

@winkyl

I had a chat with him and he is not going. I told him all the points and he agreed to stay at home. I can see that he is a bit annoyed but I am annoyed of hosting.
Well done for sticking up for yourself
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 28/12/2021 12:01

What the heck

Weird that you were not invited

But it means he has an easy “out”: thanks for the invite but I’m spending NYE with my wife and kids

crimsonlake · 28/12/2021 12:02

Odd that you are not invited, would you have a babysitter if you both went?
Tbh if he is now resentful about not going to the party that could be your cosy New Years Eve plans ruined.

BeKind2022 · 28/12/2021 12:02

Sorry had not seen your update.

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 12:17

Why don't you suggest going to PILS next year, m

Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 12:17

I asked why we weren't invited and he said it's a work thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 12:20

I don't want to go PILs. They have small house and it's awful. We have biggest house and accommodate all of us.
But MIL was suggesting we buy sofa bed to the living room so they can sleep there together.

I am going to visit my parents next year so only hosting couple of days.

OP posts:
BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/12/2021 12:24

That’s weird! Me and DH do a lot of things separately, weekends away, nights out etc. But we would never agree to be apart on NY eve! Who invites one half of a couple on a night like that … I’d be rather suspicious!

Juniper68 · 28/12/2021 12:24

That's good then. Hope dh isn't too sulky Nye.

caringcarer · 28/12/2021 12:34

DH will need to get a babysitter then. Cos if he is going put with friends without you, you will want to go put with your friends surely.

Notonthestairs · 28/12/2021 12:44

I have never been to a work event on NYE.

I can't imagine a NYE party where partners are specifically excluded.

CheddarGorgeous · 28/12/2021 12:50

@Notonthestairs

I have never been to a work event on NYE.

I can't imagine a NYE party where partners are specifically excluded.

Agree. What does he do for a living OP?

Hemingwayscatz · 28/12/2021 12:52

Exceptionally rude to not invite you and ruder still of your DH to want to go without you on NYE. Personally think it should always be spent with the people you love.

Kite22 · 28/12/2021 13:00

Were you only 'thinking' or had you voiced this to him? If not then he's not being unreasonable to want to do something different from the plan in your head. The inviter is being weird to only invite one of you though.

I was agreeing with this.

dh and I go out without each other quite happily - indeed I went to the evening do of a colleague's wedding this month, where just colleagues were invited, not partners - but it is odd to be close enough to someone to be invited to a party at their house, but for them not to invite that person's spouse / partner. Somehow even more so on NYE. That is with me not even thinking NYE is a particularly significant date.

Glad you have sorted it now OP.

mygenericusername · 28/12/2021 13:03

What a load of bollocks it’s a work thing. He’s either off out with the single lads, he’s having an affair or you were invited and he doesn’t want you there.

No happily married man in his right mind would leave his family on NYE.

Take a good look at your relationship

Offdutyfrom5 · 28/12/2021 13:04

I’ve spent some NYEs without my partner. Sometimes I like to see my friends and he likes to see his and for us to spend it together would mean one of us doesn’t see our friends (we all get on/have joint friends but nice to spend time alone with my friends). As we get older and have more responsibilities we have less opportunities to see friends but we see each other every day, have quality time together in the evenings/weekends etc. and we both go home at the end of our respective celebrations so it doesn’t feel like the biggest deal not to be together for the night of NYE. I think maybe it helps that we don’t view NYE as this big special event, so I think I’m on the fence here.

I don’t think it’s problem him wanting to see friends, and I don’t buy into it meaning he doesn’t prioritise you/want to spend time with you. I think it’s more of an issue that you’re on different pages about your plans and that it wasn’t discussed/agreed.

Offdutyfrom5 · 28/12/2021 13:06

Also if you’re annoyed at hosting then put some boundaries in and say no. Don’t do it and then be resentful you did it.

Hosting can be so stressful, especially given how long your PIL stayed but practice saying no.

RussianSpy101 · 28/12/2021 13:07

I don’t see the issue tbh. You get to have your nice relaxing night as you wanted and he gets to go the party as he wanted? Surely everyone’s a winner here?

3WildOnes · 28/12/2021 13:09

My husband and I have both spent New Year’s Eve with friends without each other on occasions over the years. Usually years when we haven’t been able to get a babysitter.

HeidiHaus · 28/12/2021 13:12

Glad to read your update.
I'd be suspicious of the fact that only he was invited.
A more likely scenario is that you were invited but he doesn't want you there for some reason or another.
Who has a 'work' NYE party?

Justme10 · 28/12/2021 14:08

@RussianSpy101

I don’t see the issue tbh. You get to have your nice relaxing night as you wanted and he gets to go the party as he wanted? Surely everyone’s a winner here?
Yeah I agree with this. I wouldn't be staying in on NYE just because my partner wanted a quiet night in. Doesn't seem very fair to me.
CriminalOrator · 28/12/2021 14:12

I know it’s all resolved but he is a total dick for even contemplating going and leaving you behind on your own, for deciding he was going and arranging a lift before he told you of his plans, and for doing it all after you spent your whole christmas hosting his family. Dick.

Waterfallgirl · 28/12/2021 14:14

@winkyl

I don't want to go PILs. They have small house and it's awful. We have biggest house and accommodate all of us. But MIL was suggesting we buy sofa bed to the living room so they can sleep there together.

I am going to visit my parents next year so only hosting couple of days.

Do you go alone to see your parents OP? Again strange that you don’t do that together. Are your DC going with you?
PizzasPlease · 28/12/2021 14:16

Weird that he's invited to a NYE party (work related or not) and a partner isn't invited.
Do you trust him when he says you are not invited? Or is there a reason he doesn't want you to go to this 'party'?
Very strange that he's excited about going ( sorted lift etc) and leaving you at home with the dc.
Does he talk about the host ever? Have you met them? Do you know the location of this party?(I'm guessing not).
I'm sorry OP but I'd be suspicious.

Original poster
winkyl · 28/12/2021 14:21

I have met the guy before. He is dh's previous phd student. I think the rest of the people going to the party are younger and not having a family.

OP posts:
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