IABU to not have a relationship with someone where the sex is not great

[sassbott]

So just had a long convo with some RL girlfriends about this and they both had polar opposite opinions.

There is a man in my life whom I have known for years. We have tons in common, always have a great time and up until recently we’re completely platonic. I came out a relationship this year and for the first time this friend of mine and I crossed a line and ended up sleeping together a few times.

The sex is not great. At all. But in every other area, we get on great. I’m also not looking for anything serious anytime soon and he knows that.

My view is that because the sex is really below par, I need to reset our friendship - move it back to platonic only and not mess him around or continue to sleep with him just because it’s easy and available. Sex and great sex is super important to me, I cannot fathom falling into a relationship where it is already so ‘meh.’

One of my friends thinks I am nuts to try and put boundaries around it. I should give it more time given how well we get on and see if the sex improves.

Another friend tends to agree with me, life is too short for not great sex and I should put this back into a friendship footing and go get my sexual kicks elsewhere (and have lots of safe fun doing so).

So I ask. Thoughts?

YABU - stick with it, the other stuff matters and give it time to see if the sex improves.
YANBU - it’s either there or it isn’t. Don’t flog a dead horse. If sex is important to you - don’t settle for anything less than fireworks!

I can absolutely reassure everyone here that I will be kind and the bedroom incompatibility will not be mentioned.
As I said in my OP, I’ve not that long ago come out of a relationship and I have a lot of issues after that. He too has some stuff he is working through. I am simply going to say that I am overwhelmed and the mixing of boundaries is too much. And if at all possible, I would prefer us to stick to friendship.

YNBU to stop the relationship if he doesn't satisfy you.
YABU to expect the relationship to continue as if nothing happened.
YABU to need confirmation from a forum of this at your age

God this thread is like something from PistonHeads, and not in a good way.

BigFatLiar, there's nothing wrong with asking others' opinions.

Surely, that's what MN is all about

I pressed YABU before I read about the small dick.

Yanbu. It wouldn't matter how wonderful a man is, I would want to reign things in too in your situation for the same reasons.

@Shitsexsucks

BigFatLiar, there's nothing wrong with asking others' opinions.

Surely, that's what MN is all about

Depends what you're asking opinions on.

Can you imagine if a bloke posted 'I'm so proud of my wife's tight snatch I show photos of it to blokes down the pub'?

Jesus Christ.

PMSL at the people judging me for posting this at my age. Fuck me, do you hit your 40’s and suddenly become Yoda? Asking opinions and advice is what this whole forum is for. Or did I miss something?

@Clymene

Lighten up

I’ve got to ask. What has got people so riled?

This is an anonymous Internet forum. I’m asking advice in a completely safe place. What is the issue?

I’ve crossed the line with someone I care about. And it’s not working for me. The semantics of why are by the by.

It is true. Women need men with a big penis for good sex. I'm convinced there's no woman in the world who would become a lesbian after a relationship with a partner with a huge penis. In fact, a lot of women will stay in otherwise deeply dysfunctional, destructive and abusive relationships if their partner is well endowed, so powerful is the "addiction", for want of a better word. As I said, wouldn't be a popular opinion on the feminism board, but......

Can you imagine if a bloke posted 'I'm so proud of my wife's tight snatch I show photos of it to blokes down the pub'?

Jesus Christ.

The OP is being honest and living her truth, not yours. I don't see anything wrong with that.

In an ideal world, the Good Lord would have given all men 8" members.. And all women "tight snatches" (your words not mine).

Sometumes, honesty isn't pleasant but it is so much better than living a sexual lie, and settling for shit sex!

@sassbott

It’s physical endowment. His. It’s not fixable.

Oh no, don't settle. If sex is important to you, and the two of you are not a good fit physically, then there's just no point because you'd always feel you were settling. I'd put a stop to it ASAP in case you get emotionally attached and then feel you're settling. I went out with a man who was not a good fit for me. I realised it didn't matter how great his personality was, I'd always feel a bit sad about the sex if we persevered. I didn't want to have to feel somehow that I was putting a brave face on it or saying things were "good enough". We had good conversations but that killed the passion. Life's too short.

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Lavender24

I’ve been known to try to show photos of my husband’s willy to people when I’m drunk, I’m just so proud of it 😆🤦🏻‍♀️😬🤷🏻‍♀️ He was actually very very selfish in bed and had no idea what he was doing in the beginning but I invested the time and it was worth it.[/quote]
Grim....

@Shitsexsucks

Can you imagine if a bloke posted 'I'm so proud of my wife's tight snatch I show photos of it to blokes down the pub'?

Jesus Christ.

The OP is being honest and living her truth, not yours. I don't see anything wrong with that.

In an ideal world, the Good Lord would have given all men 8" members.. And all women "tight snatches" (your words not mine).

Sometumes, honesty isn't pleasant but it is so much better than living a sexual lie, and settling for shit sex!

It's probably a lot of men's truth that they hate their wife's baggy vaginas but I can't imagine a load of men giggling about that going down well on MN.

It's not the OP really, it's the thread on the whole. It's just weird and childish. And really sad to hear women reducing men to the size of their cocks.

@TrishM80

How is it grim?! Christ alive - I’m talking about having drinks with my best friends and joking around wtf is wrong with people on here this evening

@TrishM80

It is true. Women need men with a big penis for good sex. I'm convinced there's no woman in the world who would become a lesbian after a relationship with a partner with a huge penis. In fact, a lot of women will stay in otherwise deeply dysfunctional, destructive and abusive relationships if their partner is well endowed, so powerful is the "addiction", for want of a better word. As I said, wouldn't be a popular opinion on the feminism board, but......

You're a 14 year old boy, right?

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

My DH a has an enormous penis. Honestly; it’s magnificent. I swear one of the reasons I will try so hard to make this marriage work is I can’t go back to playing penis lottery. It’s horrible. Some of the willies out there are dreadful snd you don’t know until you’ve invested some time.

YANBU. Willy size can be a deal breaker. But tbh so can many things: bad kissing, bizarre fetishes etc you’re not into, lack of chemistry etc.

Lots of things can be fixed: selfishness, laziness, cluelessness - these are things you can train someone out of if the attraction is there and the goods are acceptable.

Love this post

@sassbott

Unfortunately for you, you’ve posted on a wrong night or at a bad. So much of MN reception is about your style of posting and who is here to read it. It’s stupid really because so many women were happy to watch sex and the city etc add so many women drone on about feminism but apparently discussing penises and sex and all that stuff is inappropriate. Men spend more time discussing breasts and sex blah blah blah I don’t see the issue in this thread whatsoever.

My husband is a lot more than the size of his penis but I’m not going to lie and pretend that doesn’t also factor in there. It’s quite hard to understand unless you have a partner with a fantastic penis, but there you go.

@Clymene I’m not entirely sure what your point is or whether you’re just working through some stuff.

To be clear. This isn’t my husband. This isn’t my family. This isn’t someone who I have a decade with, or who has an illness or something affecting his performance. Forget different ballpark, you are trying to bring examples about ice hockey when i am talking about synchronised swimming.

They’re not related.

A long term committed relationship with family is completely different to my having only just slept with someone and thinking ‘holy fuck, what do I do?’.

At this stage, the actual comparable analogy is having just met someone who you liked, you’ve hooked up and it’s not good. It’s that simple.
Men do it all the time. Women do it all the time. Assess someone on compatibility that they find important, early on.

My complication is that this is a friend whom I care about and I was in a genuine ‘what do I do dilemma?’. Because everywhere else, he is a great guy. But the sex is terrible.

I’m sorry if that offends people. Or triggers people. But it’s my situation.

@sassbott

It’s physical endowment. His. It’s not fixable.

There is so much more to sex than just PIV. If he is fabulous in all other areas then show him what you like. A man with a massive cock who is also a massive arsehole is far less desirable long term.

A man with a massive cock who is also a massive arsehole is far less desirable long term.

Amen to that. So true.

I think the best thing for me to do is boundary this friendship. And perhaps get a FWB relationship elsewhere. I miss having really fulfilling great sex, I have never slept with multiple people (and I wouldn’t do that to him).

A committed relationship is a whole different ballgame. I really should never have gone there, but at least he and I finally know.

If it's not right for you OP, then bow out. However, being in my 40's myself, I'm the opposite to you. I couldn't give a shit about sex anymore, I want more than that from a relationship, much more. I'd rather never have it again and have all the rest any day.

But it is important to be honest from word go and not string anyone along. Life is far too short.

It's probably a lot of men's truth that they hate their wife's baggy vaginas but I can't imagine a load of men giggling about that going down well on MN.

No, we don't find it funny! And if you read my posts, they are about me doing a disservice to myself by living a lie. I'm ashamed that I did that, in the past, rather than take the OP's route.

It's not the OP really, it's the thread on the whole. It's just weird and childish. And really sad to hear women reducing men to the size of their cocks.

No, we are not reducing men to the size of their cocks. We are talking about the quality of sex, which, you need a decent sized cock for.

I appreciate it's an uncomfortable topic, but one that needs to be had. It's not the poor blokes fault, is it? But neither should OP 'put up' with below par intercourse.