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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just say no to gift of group holiday?

201 replies

bitofacowbag · 26/12/2021 23:13

NC because I probably am being U

It's been booked as a surprise, but for the 4th year in a row so not really a surprise (just not checked with any of us in advance). Never goes well, one person (ironically the one booking and surprising the rest of us) is rude and argumentative and very difficult to be around. It's also so difficult to arrange time off work, pet sitters, and it's never during holidays so the children are taking a week off school too.

Over the years I've tried every excuse to politely turn these trips down, but I'm sick of it. It's hell being 15 people in one cabin for a week with no escape, walking on eggshells because that one person is always finding fault in everything and ready to cause problems.

I've even said before, less than 2 months ago, not to include my children and I in future bookings (knowing that again it would be booked as a surprise) and this wasn't well received but it was acknowledged.

It's quite an expensive trip for the person who booked it but I just cannot grin and bear it anymore. It's a miserable week and I'm always anxious in the weeks and months leading up to it.

AIBU to just say thanks but no thanks?

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 26/12/2021 23:15

YANBU.

Esspee · 26/12/2021 23:18

Just say no.

Mooloolabababy · 26/12/2021 23:18

Bollocks to that op. Just politely decline, you don't need to give a reason, just 'Ah, we're unable to make it this year' and if there's any pushback then 'well I did ask not to be included this year' and just repeat.

Palavah · 26/12/2021 23:20

The beauty of it already being booked is that the dates have been set. So you're terribly sorry but you can't make it.

LosingTheWill2 · 26/12/2021 23:20

Say sorry, can’t make it (insert whichever excuse you want), hope you all have fun

MissMinutes24 · 26/12/2021 23:21

Absolutely say no. And remind them you asked not to be included if they start trying to guilt trip you (preferably with a screenshot if you did it by t3xt)

HollowTalk · 26/12/2021 23:21

I'd just say sorry, I didn't really enjoy it last time. I did tell you not to count me in again.

LannieDuck · 26/12/2021 23:22

I've even said before, less than 2 months ago, not to include my children and I in future bookings

Perfect - you already told them you wouldn't be coming. I would either use the kids' schooling as your reason, or just be honest that you don't enjoy it.

BernardBlackMissesLangCleg · 26/12/2021 23:22

YANBU

you already asked not to be included, so the booker shouldn't have included you....

PermanentTemporary · 26/12/2021 23:23

Bloody hell! Urgent phone call needed to get through to them that you can't go. You may need to repeat this several times, they must have hide like a rhino skin.

PostChristmasSwapShop · 26/12/2021 23:24

You said not to include you next time. You have no obligation to go. So don't.

Totalwasteofpaper · 26/12/2021 23:25

Nope

You gave fair warning.
The kids can't miss school, you can't go. End of.

Ignore the tantrums that follow.

FinallyHere · 26/12/2021 23:29

children are taking a week off school too.

Perfect excuse.

You have already said you can't make it.

Just stick to your guns.

Onlinedilema · 26/12/2021 23:33

No don't go. Your children can't have time off school and you can't get the time off work.

LittleRoundRobin · 26/12/2021 23:35

Urgh it sounds awful. Would feel I was being punished for a crime.

YANBU to not go.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 26/12/2021 23:35

Orange juice on a lateral flow is your friend on the date of the holiday 😃

LilyTheMink · 26/12/2021 23:44

That's so sad, I wonder if nobody else wants to go either. What a nightmare.
But I agree with Mooloolabababy

ANameChangeAgain · 26/12/2021 23:47

"Sorry, but I did tell you not to include us. The children have missed too much school already, so we cannot take them out for a week."

Yuledo · 26/12/2021 23:50

@ANameChangeAgain

"Sorry, but I did tell you not to include us. The children have missed too much school already, so we cannot take them out for a week."
Yup
converseandjeans · 26/12/2021 23:52

Just use the excuse of children not missing school & also maybe you don't have enough annual leave left. It doesn't sound much fun tbh. Miss this one then the cycle is broken.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2021 23:56

Why have they done it?! It’s controlling through “generosity”. But it’s not a gift if it’s something you don’t want, won’t enjoy, and have been clear you’re not taking part in.

They sound insane. Say no, once, don’t discuss beyond that. Hopefully they get the hump and don’t speak to you for a while.

Booklover3 · 26/12/2021 23:58

Just say no and keep repeating it

NewtoHolland · 27/12/2021 00:04

I think be honest, as you want to shut down all future holidays with this set up. Yanbu at all and had already let them know you didn't want to go. You need to really clearly set that boundary and face out the awkwardness then enjoy your freedom from this situ that you hate :)

Original poster
bitofacowbag · 27/12/2021 00:26

@AnneLovesGilbert

Why have they done it?! It’s controlling through “generosity”. But it’s not a gift if it’s something you don’t want, won’t enjoy, and have been clear you’re not taking part in.

They sound insane. Say no, once, don’t discuss beyond that. Hopefully they get the hump and don’t speak to you for a while.

You've hit the nail on the head. This person is well known for being controlling, especially through financial means.

And no, nobody wants to go (we were discussing it yesterday after the fact) but everyone else is more of the belief to just put up with it. I'm the one with existing anxiety/mental health issues and really don't think I can put up with it

I've already given excuses for previous years but either he does not care or is utterly oblivious (I think the former)

OP posts:
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 27/12/2021 00:32

Oh god. It sounds like an absolute nightmare. In the words of Peter Kay 'that, is not, a holiday'

Holiday to me means chilling out, relaxing, pool, sunshine, cocktails, afternoon naps.

Not walking on eggshells, all in the same cabin with 14 other people that someone else has paid for so you feel beholden.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Just tell them ASAP, you won't be going.