AIBU to just say no to gift of group holiday?

[bitofacowbag]

NC because I probably am being U

It's been booked as a surprise, but for the 4th year in a row so not really a surprise (just not checked with any of us in advance). Never goes well, one person (ironically the one booking and surprising the rest of us) is rude and argumentative and very difficult to be around. It's also so difficult to arrange time off work, pet sitters, and it's never during holidays so the children are taking a week off school too.

Over the years I've tried every excuse to politely turn these trips down, but I'm sick of it. It's hell being 15 people in one cabin for a week with no escape, walking on eggshells because that one person is always finding fault in everything and ready to cause problems.

I've even said before, less than 2 months ago, not to include my children and I in future bookings (knowing that again it would be booked as a surprise) and this wasn't well received but it was acknowledged.

It's quite an expensive trip for the person who booked it but I just cannot grin and bear it anymore. It's a miserable week and I'm always anxious in the weeks and months leading up to it.

AIBU to just say thanks but no thanks?

Just wondered which vitamins anyone recommends for an 11 year old very active boy. He’s more the size of a 13 year old. He trains 5 times a week with a football team and plays 2 games at the weekend , I just don’t want him getting run down with the usual coughs and colds . Thank you in advance :)

You can't go on like this you have your own family to think of and it's not worth it

While you can have sympathy for the spouse of the bully, making yourself and your DC miserable is not doing the spouse much good. Maybe think about other ways to show that person your support. But don't go on this holiday. Stop subjecting your DC to it - they are too young to understand or have a voice, and it is bad for them to spend a week of every year with one bully and a lot of other miserable, scared, guilty adults.

YABU for having gone 4 times when you hate it. You haven’t tried everything if you ended up still going. Just say “no thanks, it doesn’t work for us”

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

Orange juice on a lateral flow is your friend on the date of the holiday 😃

That seriously doesn't work mate

If there's one thing my 2 weeks working in double glazing telesales taught me, it is don't use excuses. We literally had an answer prepared for every one.

Just say 'no thanks, as I already told you in November.

@bitofacowbag
Can I ask, is this a family member?? A grandfather or rich uncle?

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

Presumably you are an adult?

Just say No!

(Zammo didn’t say no and ended up a snack head)

Yes, he was clearly on the Wotsits and Hula Hoops 🤣🤣🤣

Why on earth would you even consider going???? Sounds like a nightmare, just say no, you no longer want to be involved in this nightmare mass kidnap operation, end

@Branleuse

Id say "im assuming this is a mistake as i said quite clearly months ago to not include me. I still have the messages, but we wont be participating this year so i hope you havent wasted too much money"

This is good!

To be honest, I wouldn't use the covid excuse, or the can't pull kids out of school excuse, because they won't always be relevant. Covid won't always be a problem and the booker might resort to booking outside term time. If you use excuses (other than a solid reason like "I don't want to do this") then they will look for ways around the excuse.

Just be honest, and say "I said we won't be going again, so don't book places for us." And do mention it to the others in the same situation, as it will be easier for them to then say that they would rather holiday their own way too.

Just say you don't want to do that, don't faff around with excuses, people!

Oh, you said you wouldnt be going a while back as you had booked something else, did someone overlook this - QUOTE. END OF STORY.

Ooh Dozer I hadn't come across that one before, but I absolutely love it.
fear, obligation and guilt (FOG)
It really brings home that those three negative "controllers" cloud vision.

I was looking for a suitable NY Resolution. Now I know it should be 2022 with a Cloudless Horizon.

@JessesMum777888 you need to start your own thread asking this question. This thread is on a different topic. There's an "add thread" button in the list of threads.

My family were doing something very similar. Senior family member booking activity for all, because it was cousins favourite. However my child was excluded more and more each time, until I warned that would be our last visit. It was booked again, we refused to go. They went without us, I think they didn't really believe we wouldn't join. It's not been booked since, now we agree alternative arrangements!

Sorry I thought I had done that , it’s my first post 🤦‍♀️ Thank you x

Yanbu they should have listened when you said no

I'm in agreement with everybody else....you told them no so just tell them you will not be joining them this year, or any other year. You do not need to give reasons - if the control-freak kicks off just turn it back on them, tell them not be be childish, to learn to listen when someone tells them something . Stick to your guns and do not be bullied into another miserable holiday. Maybe others will stand up to this rude and argumentative person too - sounds a nightmare and would be my idea of hell having this type of trip forced on me. Bite the bullet and just keep repeating NO...if they are true to form and get 'rude and argumentative', you could always tell them to f**k off - maybe problem solved for good ;) Good luck and have a nice time not going away with this nutter.

No. You are old enough to decide if you want to go or not. Your children shouldn’t be missing school to accommodate the selfishness of this relative, because it is selfishness, masquerading as a gift. Everyone is dancing to his tune year after year. Say NO.

You can absolutely say no. But I love this advert is coming up every six answers

Keep saying no until it sinks in and then don't go. You'll be a lot happier and the children won't miss school. Win all around except for the controlling person who should have listened when you told them NO in the first place

@Ticksallboxes

I'm going to buck the trend on this thread because my MIL has done this for a couple of years.

She's wealthy but a difficult person, but is very much into "getting the whole family together" type scenarios.

The first time we went it was a bit stressful but she'd booked a lovely place in France and we all had a lovely time despite DCs being very different ages etc. The second time got cancelled due to Covid-19 but I actually felt really bad that it couldn't go ahead. Yet my DH and his two siblings were overjoyed!

Its Christmas, I just don't see a problem with these types of holidays. Someone else is paying and you just need to get on for two weeks in a really nice place. I'm with the person booking TBH!

You're happy to put up with a difficult person for a free holiday, OP doesn't feel the same way. Putting up and shutting up for free stuff and being controlled doesn't work for everyone.

@Ticksallboxes - The difference is that in your case it was anice place that was booked, and it was possible to have a nice time. Re-read the OP. 15 people in one cabin, getting under one another's feet and no one enjoying it.

No thanks, we've got other plans.

YANBU Just say no. Keeping the children out of school is not popular. That sounds alot of people in one place, I would certainly make myself unavailable, as I'm sure tempers and moods get frayed, result no-one enjoys themselves. Is there not one of the group you could talk to about it. You may be surpried.