My Mum’s main carer is on sick leave and she’s had another carer for the last few weeks. Both carers are Muslim. Mum lives with us so care visits have an impact on the whole family and can be stressful for many different reasons.
So Christmas morning, my husband lets the carer in and I bump into her in the hall and say, ‘Happy Christmas!’ She looks utterly horrified, waves her hands and says, ‘I don’t!’ OK, I think, fair enough but a bit of a downer.
A bit later I take the present I’ve got for Mum to give her into Mum’s room - a box of chocolates and some money in a card. ‘Here’s your present for XXX, Mum!’ The carer looks even more horrified and says, ‘No, no, no, I don’t take presents!’ I then have to explain to Mum - who is hard of hearing and has dementia - why her carer doesn’t want her gift.
OK, these are small things but all Mum’s other carers over the years - many of whom are Muslim - have been lovely at Christmas and happy to receive greetings and presents.
It was a crap start to Christmas Day and I thought I’d call my sister for some support. I said, ‘XXX has upset us’ and my sister went into this weird thing of asking how long I thought it would take to discuss it as she had to move the car in 10 minutes. I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have just listened as she could see I was upset.
My sister turned up later and we got into a fight about it, which ruined the rest of Christmas Day. Bigger issues around caring obvs but so sad that it all came to a head because of Mum’s carer.
For want of a nail, the shoe was lost…