Just told my husband I hate him and he makes me unhappy

[justventing21]

It seems like lately we are constantly fighting.

We went shopping earlier and I really tried to stay patient. I followed him for about an hour, looking at tools etc. Even though we had mainly gone for food.

Anyway at some point I said, we should buy food now come on let's get on with it. He got annoyed and wanted to leave.

I left early to wait in the car, when he got back, he called me stupid as I left the lights on while waiting in the car. I had only waited 10 minutes and the battery wasn't going to go flat that quickly.

He then berated me about what a nightmare I am to shop with. I said I really tried to be patient and we were in there for over an hour. I'm pregnant so I was anxious as there were a lot of people. I said, I really tried my best. To me we were coming for food and not for a three hour jolly.

Anyway he kept going and I said he's always complaining about going shopping with me etc and that he's so negative. Things escalated and we came to a long stretch of road and he just hit the accelerator really hard and started driving really really fast. He does this sometimes and I absolutely hate it and go ballistic every time he does it.

But it felt worse because it was done in anger and I'm also heavily pregnant. So I screamed for him to stop and he told me to just shut up you psycho.

I then just completely lost it and told him I hated him and he doesn't make me happy and I hate spending time with him.

I know that's really harsh, but I was so so angry he had done the speeding thing. We have a fast car and it's really scary, I hate it so much when he does it.

Now he's not talking to me and I'm not talking to him and he said he's not apologising and I've crossed the line. I'm just so tired.

Has either of you got somewhere wise to go?

That would be the last time my baby got in his car. Think about it, it’s no different to if he strapped your newborn into the car and went off angry speeding. Your relationship sounds toxic and no place for a child. Get out now.

LTB.

@TrufflesAndToast

That would be the last time my baby got in his car. Think about it, it’s no different to if he strapped your newborn into the car and went off angry speeding. Your relationship sounds toxic and no place for a child. Get out now.

I hate it so much when he does it. He says he's not going fast, but that it feels fast because of the acceleration.

But to do it in anger is on another level for me.

He put you, your baby, himself and all the poor members of the public on the road in great danger because he was angry.

That's unforgivable in my book.

What's your plan to leave?

Leave

Do you want to leave him?

He doesn't sound very nice, is he always like this?

Appalling behaviour, sorry

Seriously leave. That’s unforgivable. He wanted you to be scared - can you imagine ever doing that?! and he put you and the baby in actual danger.

Your life will be awfully long and hard if you live with such an unkind, cruel, frightening man who has such a horrible temper.

Now is the time to leave him. It will be so much more difficult when the baby is born.

Do you have anywhere else you can go to now?

Hes doing it to frighten you into silence. Leave him before the baby arrives. Think very carefully about whether to put his name on the bc. He puts his needs first and that isnt going to change.

He will argue that it's just me and my impression of the speed is off. He always says that. But like I said, to accelerate like that in the middle of an argument whilst I'm pregnant, is really next level. And then to be told to shut up as well when I was literally screaming in fear, trying the get him to stop. It really sucks.

He used the car to scare you, he put you and his unborn child in danger. I would fucking hate him too, he’s the psycho not you.

I don't think you've done anything wrong, he sounds like an arsehole and I'd hate him for that too and wouldn't think twice telling him that. He's put you and your unborn child in danger yet you're the psycho?

It's a classic abuser move to make your 'victim' feel unsafe or put them in unsafe situations.

It's also pretty textbook for an abuser to keep people waiting and not give a crap about their discomfort and needs. Name calling can be added to that list too.

He's a nasty piece of work op. You need to get away from him.

He actually called you a psycho for feeling frightened!
Actually, he told you to shut up because you were frightened, and called you a psycho for being frightened.

This is a huge huge red flag. You're pregnant and vulnerable. In abusive relationships this is exactly when abuse begins, or escalates.

He is not a good man. He's terrifying.

The moment he accelerated with you in the car to teach you a lesson about arguing with him was the turning point here. That was genuinely dangerous anger. I would absolutely not back down here. I’d also hate someone who is aggressive when they don’t get their own way. I’d spend Christmas apart and cool off - give yourself time to think if you can salvage this, and if you want to.

My friend’s ex used to do this to her in arguments - accelerate and sometimes brake really hard so she’d bang her head against the side windows or spill things. It’s really nasty behaviour and it smacks of someone wanting power in any way they can reclaim it.

So he gaslights you too, then.

He wanted you to fear for your safety and that of your unborn child.

Men like this don't turn into supportive, loving, reliable, safe partners. He is dangerous and abusive. You have an opportunity to stop your child growing up in this environment. Grab it with both hands.

Please leave, my ex used to do that particularly around corners and it scared me. He told me that was hoe everyone drives and I was just whinging to be a bitch. Turns out he was abusive in every single way it was possible to be abusive.

Nobody should ever put someone's life in danger because they are angry. Particularly the person they are meant to love the most in the entire world and the baby that they are carrying.

He will minimise it, you are not overreacting and you do not need permission to end a relationship.

He could have killed you all. In sheer temper.

Get the fuck out now, before you have a baby to consider.

Textbook abusive behaviour ramping up. The erratic driving was a warning, to punish you by fear and show you what he's capable of. If he hasnt hit you yet, it's just a matter of time. You need to leave

Also please pleas read "why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men"

@HollowTalk

Your life will be awfully long and hard if you live with such an unkind, cruel, frightening man who has such a horrible temper.

Now is the time to leave him. It will be so much more difficult when the baby is born.

Do you have anywhere else you can go to now?

Yes, if you don't live where you want, then move while you're pregnant as he will be able to stop you once baby is here.

Do you own your own home, or renting, who’s name is the house in or if renting is it in both names ?

I would ask him to leave tbh and make plans to be a single parent, you should not have to live like this.